A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Reckless Aristocrat - Chapter 139



Lee Jihye (1)

The first time I met Jihye noona was during the winter of my eighteen.

It was a time when the competition season was drawing to a close. A new face appeared at the kendo dojang, where the tension had eased a bit.

“……Nice to meet you.”

Her name was Lee Jihye.

A girl draped in a dishevelled melancholy like a rag.

I heard she was quite a promising prospect, having just barely missed out on the national team selections last time.

“Just… please take care of me.”

Even considering it was an awkward meeting, her greeting was excessively dry.

Not rude, but more like she was simply a quiet person.

I didn’t pay her much attention.

Back then, my world was only filled with my father, so I hadn’t even considered letting anything else in.

The hurt from Changho hyung was still there, too.

Maybe it’d be more accurate to say I had no room.

My life was too much to handle, to even think of letting someone else into my sight.

“……”

That’s how our first meeting passed.

Without giving any reaction, I ignored the girl and turned my back.

Back then, I kept my distance from everyone except my father, so I guess I thought of her as someone who didn’t matter either.

From noble mtl dot com

Of course, that thought wouldn’t last long.

-Thwack!!

It started with something trivial.

It was only because the girl’s skill during a practice bout was better than I had expected.

“Ugh…!”

Deflecting the viciously lashing sword strikes, the moment I looked up.

I met her eyes for the first time.

Eyes holding a melancholic light, unkempt hair, a mouth set in a cold line.

A beauty, possessing grace even in her somber demeanor.

No, actually, none of that really mattered.

What hit me hardest was the compulsion and the obsession I felt with every swing of her blade.

It was a chilling sword.

“……”

“……”

Ji-hye noona and I stopped our sparring, and silently stared at each other.

I think we instinctively felt it.

We were kindred spirits.

Or rather… we were the same kind of ‘monster’.

The look in her eyes was not one you’d see in ordinary people.

Violence, oppression, coercion, and solitude.

It was an emotion only those who had passed through that entire hell, pushed to their limit, could hold.

‘Resignation.’

In a world where I had felt destined to be forever alone, a member of my own kind appeared for the first time.

Perhaps that was where it all began.

My interest in the girl.

I suspect the girl felt the same.

After staring at each other for a long while, we both spoke, as if on cue.

“U-um, uh… W-what was your name again…?”

“Ah.”

Though I couldn’t respond with words due to my aphasia, I reached out my hand instead.

She seemed to hesitate at the gesture.

But then she offered an awkward smile and took my hand.

“M-my name is Lee Ji-hye…”

The girl’s faltering words, clumsy pronunciation.

It has now become one of those indelible scenes, a memory I will carry with me forever.

*

We grew close naturally.

At first, it was just the increasing time we spent training together, then a few words exchanged, and finally, we reached the point of calling each other by name.

Perhaps it was because of a shared sense of kinship, but it felt like we connected easily.

“Naru-ya!”

“……!”

Before we knew it, we were inseparable.

While communication was somewhat difficult since I couldn’t speak, strangely, Ji-hye noona understood all my babbling.

Just like Changho hyung had.

“Oh, how was training today? Was it, was it very hard?”

“……”

“Mm… I, I’m okay! I didn’t get, get scolded much today!”

Looks like Dad was in a good mood today!

Adding that, the girl smiled brightly.

Ji-hye noona was living a life oppressed by her father. Oppression was a nice word for it; in reality, it was closer to abuse.

She was horribly similar to me.

A training routine that was no different than hell.

Beatings that followed every mistake.

The worse her competition results were, the more the oppression that weighed her down intensified.

“Dad… he, he wants, me to, win the competition…”

That’s why I understood her.

That’s why she understood me.

Our relationship took root in each of our lonely lives, a bond that provided the only light.

Maybe that’s why.

“I, I want Naru to be with me, with me forever!”

As time went on, Ji-hye noona showed more and more signs of relying on me.

But it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.

Rather, I was happy.

I was relying on her too.

The presence that filled the void left by Changho hyung, was sweeter than anything to me.

“R-really…? Naru too?”

“……”

“T-thank you for saying that… I think I’m so happy…”

Her cheeks flushed crimson, as if embarrassed.

Looking at the girl’s awkward smile, my heart, which had been cold, felt like it was pounding.

And in those moments, I’d smile too.

“Hey, Naru. I promise.”

“……”

“No matter what happens, I won’t leave your side.”

The girl whispered into my ear in a low voice.

I still remember the scene of that day, when we gently hooked our pinkies together.

‘……Is this what happiness feels like?’

It was like floating in a warm current.

Calm, hazy, and beautiful.

It was one of the few good moments in my wretched life.

But, no matter how enjoyable a dream is, it will eventually end.

I seemed to have forgotten that simple truth.

“I hear you’ve gotten close to someone lately?”

“……”

“That’s unlike you.”

In the end, Father noticed what was going on between me and Jieun noona.

The price was more cruel than anything.

“From today, your training grounds will be moved. To a place so far away that you’ll never meet again.”

That was the end of it.

I couldn’t see noona again.

Back then, my father’s word was absolute, so despite hating it, I couldn’t resist.

I could only nod, tears falling in pathetic drops.

Once again, I was alone.

The six months we had spent together were so fleeting.

*

“It’s all for your own good.”

Father said.

Usually, this was the part where I would nod like a well-trained dog, but this time, I couldn’t.

It felt like a cold awl had been jammed into my chest.

“Did you get attached to some worthless thing?”

“……”

“This won’t do. Let’s start the mental training. Get down.”

I was beaten, literally, to the point of death.

I didn’t even have the strength to cry, but even in that state, what was miserable was my worry for my sister.

I hadn’t even given her a single word.

I had always promised to stay by her side.

I wanted to be with her a little longer.

A girl suddenly left alone. The thought of her crying kept me from sleeping.

I withered a little bit at a time.

‘……Jihye, sis.’

They say there are things you only realize after losing them.

It was a resonance that felt particularly real.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t cherished my sister before.

It was just that, hidden behind familiarity, I had come to realize my own honest feelings.

I was fond of the girl.

More precisely, I was in love with her.

Yes, that period that the world calls first love.

That period I had only seen beyond the sentences in novels, I was living it.

‘I feel like I finally understand a little……’

But even with regret, time passed.

The hellish days continued, and I had to swing my sword to death, following Father’s will.

But that didn’t mean I could forget my longing.

Whenever I laid my bruised and battered body on the bed, thoughts of my sister flooded my mind.

How was she doing?

Did she resent me?

Will she not miss me?

Shaking off the nightmare-stained reality, I soaked the pillowcase.

Not since that summer at seventeen when I let go of Changho hyung, had it been this hard.

‘Even just for a moment… I want to talk.’

I didn’t even wish to see her in person.

I just hoped to hear her voice, even for just a second.

While I was living through days that were shattering into pieces, a miraculous thing happened.

“Here, take it.”

“……?”

“This is a call for Lee Jihye. You have five minutes.”

It was just another typical day.

The scheduled training was almost finished when my father abruptly handed me a phone.

What on earth made him do this all of a sudden?

That question flashed through me, but I roughly cut it off.

It didn’t matter. I just wanted to hear the voice of the person I missed so dearly.

“……”

With trembling hands, I accepted the phone.

And then, cautiously, I brought it close to my ear.

-Naruya.

It really was Jihye noona.

I forgot I even had aphasia and began to move my lips earnestly.

Though the sound wouldn’t reach her, I wanted to tell her regardless.

That I hadn’t abandoned her and disappeared. That I loved he…

-I resent you so much.

I freeze.

Her cold voice travels through the receiver. My body stiffens on the spot.

-You were the only one who said you’d stay by my side.

Noona was like winter. A winter pushed to the very edge by a deep despair.

-In the end, you hated me too, didn’t you?

-That’s why you ran away like that… without saying a word.

No.

It’s not true.

I didn’t want to leave.

I wanted to stay by your side forever, sis.

-Guess I’m someone who can’t be loved by anyone…

I’m here.

You’re a shining star in my life, sis.

The only one who understands me, the one with a beautiful, faint smile, the one with a dark but pure, youthful heart.

I love you, like that.

-That pinky promise we made that day…it meant nothing, didn’t it.

No voice comes out.

Because of this hateful aphasia, no excuses can be uttered.

-……Liar.

The last word, soaked in tears.

Sharply honed words of resentment pierce deep into my heart.

-Beep beep beep…

Only static, the sound of a call breaking and reconnecting, rings in my ears.

I couldn’t give any reaction.

I just stood there, stupidly.

My father, patting my shoulder, threw out a terribly inhuman word.

“Forget it.”

He turned away, as if he had finished his task.

I stood in the dark locker room, watching his retreating footsteps for a long time.

“……”

It was a terrible farewell.

I probably tossed and turned and sobbed all night.

But even as I shed those tears, I was ignorant of the future that was coming.

Beneath the bottom, there is a deeper bottom.

I was forced to face a reality that was much more of a nightmare than any nightmare.

Several days passed, and then I was able to hear news about my sister.

The news that she’d ended her life by suicide.