Academy’s PTSD Chaplain - Academy’s PTSD Chaplain chapter 32

32 – 32. Martyr’s Blood (9)

I blankly stared ahead.

No thoughts came to mind. My brain, refusing to function any longer, was silently suffocating.

So, I just stared ahead. That was all I could do.

“Head Priest.”

Someone spoke to me. I turned to look at them.

Blond hair, green eyes shining like emeralds. However, it wasn’t Helena.

…It wasn’t Helena.

“…Sophia, the substitute.”

Sophia, the substitute, looked at me with a bitter smile. I averted my gaze.

“I’m sorry for earlier.”

“….”

“I truly am sorry.”

“Head Priest.”

Sophia, the substitute’s tone was a bit cold. Was she disappointed in me?

It was to be expected. It was strange not to be disappointed. After being hugged by a stranger out of the blue and feeling suffocated all the way to the dormitory, it was understandable.

The most disappointing part was probably that today’s outing ended in such a mess.

My head automatically dropped like ripe grain. I struggled to bear the weight of my heavy head.

“Ah….”

The sound of Sophia’s sigh. Soon, I felt her weight next to me on the couch. Sophia took a seat beside me.

“First, have a cup of tea.”

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“…Thank you.”

After hesitating for a moment, I sipped the warm tea she handed to me. The bitter taste of the cheap tea that I always drank filled my mouth.

“Listen, Senior Priest.”

The last syllable rose slightly. It seemed that Sophia was definitely angry.

A human called Senior Priest. Someone who was her superior.

To come running away in such a pitiful state on a rare weekend outing. It was not surprising that she would be disappointed.

As I was lost in my thoughts, Sophia continued speaking.

“That sound from earlier. It was the sound of a fruit shop merchant dropping a box of fruit.”

Thud. A sound. Was something dropped?

“…Ah.”

As I mulled over Sophia’s words, the sound I had heard hit me differently.

What on earth was that huge noise I had heard? Now that I heard the actual sound, I felt incredibly foolish for running away in panic. I lowered my head even more and muttered.

“I’m sorry, Sophia.”

“Excuse me, Senior Priest.”

“…Yes.”

“Please lift your head.”

I stayed silent. I couldn’t bear to look at her expression. If she was making a disappointed face, I might just die like this.

“Please lift your head.”

Sophia’s voice was forceful. I couldn’t help but lift my head.

There was no expression on Sophia’s face. But because of that, I felt even more afraid. It was because I didn’t know the meaning behind that expressionless face.

“I’m sorry, Sophia.”

As I apologized again, Sophia’s eyebrows twitched.

“From now on, apologizing is forbidden. We can’t have a conversation like this.”

“I understand. I’m sorry.”

“Apologizing is now prohibited! Prohibited!”

“…Yes.”

I nodded weakly. Sophie Bujja, staring intently at me, immediately raised her own cup of tea.

“Uh, Chief Priest?”

“Yes.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

The same question as before, asking if the seizure has subsided. I bit my lip for a moment, then nodded wearily.

“I’m feeling a little better. Thank you, Sophie Bujja.”

Sophie Bujja didn’t respond. She just looked at me silently, then got up and walked towards the entrance.

“Now rest. It was a pleasure today.”

“Sophie Bujja. By any chance…”

“Yes?”

As Sophie Bujja was about to open the front door to leave, she turned back towards me. I trembled as I looked into her eyes.

Gulp.

“By any chance, are you angry?”

“….”

Sophie Bujja’s body froze. I asked her again.

“Did I show such a pitiful appearance… so that’s why you’re angry?”

“Chief Priest.”

“I’m sorry, Sophie Bujja. From now on…”

“Antonelli Chief Priest!”

Step by step.

As Sophie Bujja, who was about to go outside, turned her body, she abruptly approached me with a forceful stride. I looked at her with a slightly surprised expression.

Sophie Bujja, who had come right in front of me, opened her mouth while looking at me with eyes that glistened like jewels.

“I’ll only say it once, so listen carefully.”

I nodded slightly without saying a word. There was something irresistibly contained in her fierce momentum.

“I wasn’t angry, I was just upset.”

A jewel shimmering in green. The round emerald engulfed in transparent liquid sparkled even more. Sophie Bujja’s eyes filled with tears. As if she had held it back with great effort until now.

“It’s because Chief Priest, you keep showing such a sight in front of me…. It’s really upsetting….”

The words of Sophie Bujja continued. With eyes just like Helena’s, she looked at me and shed tears, speaking.

It is difficult to imagine how much it pained me. My chest feels tight. Perhaps cutting out my heart would be less painful.

Finally, a single clear tear rolled down Sophia’s delicate cheek. I instinctively averted my gaze.

It seemed truly difficult to continue looking into those eyes.

“Father Priest, I don’t care about what happened during your weekend outing today, but…”

“….”

“Hasn’t the time come for you to trust me once…?”

Sophia lowered her head deeply. Tears, clearer than her radiant smile, fell drop by drop onto the sofa.

“I know that you participated in the Great War, Father Priest. When you met Father Pedro and had such a sharp reaction, who wouldn’t understand?”

“That is…”

“That’s why I know that you bear wounds so deep that even you can’t fathom. I can understand to some extent why you don’t tell me. But…but…”

Sophia raised her face. It was agonizing to see tears streaming down like a river.

“Don’t you ever think about the fact that I’m watching over you?”

I lost my words. My tongue lay still, unable to say anything. I couldn’t offer any response.

– It’s time for you to consider how I felt when I lost you.

Because of those senseless words of resentment that I unleashed towards Helena, and because of those words that resembled them so closely. Because of that one phrase.

My chest feels unbearably suffocated. Suddenly, I wanted to scream. Even though I knew it wouldn’t solve anything, I wanted to scream. I barely managed to hold it in.

This suffocation. The pain in my chest that was becoming unbearable. I felt like I was being engulfed by it. Slowly, sinking into the depths of profound despair, where no light could reach.

I thought I was sinking alone, lonely, but I was sinking along with the ship. I wasn’t the only crew member who had boarded the ship named Responsibility.

That selfish thought that only I had to endure.

I had wounded Sophia with that thought.

I looked at Sophia. As if she was about to say something, she pursed her lips and then kept them tightly closed once again.

“…Father Priest.”

I silently gazed at her. My deep, abyssal eyes looked towards Sophia, and her clear, transparent green eyes met mine.

“I…I don’t want to see Father Priest in such a state of unhappiness….I don’t want to see that.”

Sophia wiped away her tears and stood up from her seat. I could only keep my mouth shut and continue to watch her.

“…I’m sorry. I’ve said too much unnecessary words.”

“….”

“Take a good rest, Father Priest. I’ll see you at Sunday service tomorrow.”

Sophia’s footsteps once again headed towards the entrance. I could sense it.

If I let her leave from here, I would have to carry this painful chestache for a long time.

Therefore, it was…

“Sophia Subtitle.”

Perhaps, it could have been an act close to arrogance. It was a futile hope for change.

“I…I will speak.”

But, yeah.

“I will speak about everything that has happened so far.”

I proclaimed myself as the captain of a sinking ship.

* * * * *

It had been two years since I, as a priest, joined the Great War.

With the reorganization of the reserve units in the rear, I was transferred to the mountain division tasked with guarding the supply route in the highlands, and I was reassigned to the frontlines.

It was there that I met Helena.

That place had become a land of death, one of the battlefields that had turned into ruin. I was assigned to the 858th Macon Engineering Infantry Battalion, nicknamed the Phoenix Battalion, responsible for defending the frontlines there.

The name “Phoenix” came from the fact that the battalion commander, Major Mayhem, was a level 5 fire magician. He had survived numerous dangers and was thus called the Phoenix.

Helena and I quickly became close, thanks to her affable personality. Perhaps it was because there were only four priests belonging to the battalion headquarters, including us.

Even so, the other two, except for us, were constantly on duty in various places, so we rarely crossed paths.

Helena was not only skilled but also had a beautiful and innocent appearance that the soldiers admired. Perhaps it was because of her position as a priest, but there were no soldiers who approached her with inappropriate intentions.

She had a personality that never hesitated to provide a helping hand. Her nickname was the Saint of the Phoenix Battalion. She often did things that made me worry about her.

There was an incident once.

It had been two years since I transferred to the Phoenix Battalion.

That day, the enemy’s attack was particularly fierce, and our headquarters was in a precarious situation.

In other words, it meant that the defensive line created by three battalions, which were positioned at the forefront except for one company in the rear, had been breached.

At that time, Major Mayhem, upon learning this fact, became furious and chose to launch an offensive in order to open up an escape route for the isolated battalion in the frontlines.

Helena and I were assigned to this important mission.

* * * * *

Bang! Tatata!

“D-damn it, aaah—! Priest! Priest Antonelli!”

The enemy’s gunfire intensified. I bit my lip and treated a wounded soldier who screamed in pain with a gunshot wound on his arm.

“When the edge of the Lord’s robe passed by, the poor who sought solace found solace….”

As the warm golden light flowed through my hands, the soldier’s wounds gradually healed. Fortunately, the wounds were not deep. It would have been difficult to heal them even with divine power if they had been fatal wounds.

“Ugh…! Th-thank you….”

The soldier with a furrowed brow hurriedly ran out, as if the pain had not subsided yet. I silently wished him luck and quickly glanced at the battlefield.

“Push! Push forward! The enemy is surrounded!”

“These foolish elflings! With such mediocre forces, they dare to come crawling here, thinking this is anywhere!”

“Kill every one of those dwarf bastards you see! Split their skulls!”

The situation clearly favored our allies. I swallowed hard and placed the bible back in my pocket.

A detachment of elven infiltrators had managed to slip through the cracks of our allied forces, but they were slowly being decimated within the concentrated firepower. It was a battlefield where there was nowhere to escape.

“Helena! Where are you!”

“Over here!”

I ran towards the direction of Helena’s voice. Like me, she was tending to the wounded.

“Are…you okay?”

“What about you?”

“You look pale! It’s time for you to go to the rear!”

Helena’s complexion was not good. It was because she had used too many of God’s miracles with her human body.

Upon hearing my words, Helena weakly smiled and spoke.

“The Lord said, a good shepherd sacrifices their life for their sheep, didn’t he?”

“….”

“I want to lead these people.”

The eyes of Priestess Helena were resolute. Within them burned a strong determination.

Suddenly, I looked around at the soldiers nearby.

“Holy Lord…please…please let me live….”

The soldiers, trembling with the fear of death, chanted half-hearted and poorly-practiced prayers, desperately calling out the name of God.

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In this place engulfed by death.

To the intangible god named Life.

Perhaps, it was because of that, that I could only focus on you.