Bad Born Blood - Chapter 155
Only Noblemtl
155
The stormy nights are long. There is not even a hint of blue in the sky until dawn.
I went into the lounge of the Arc de Triomphe, knelt on the floor, and began to meditate.
My existence was on the verge of exploding. It felt like my ego and mind would explode and fall apart if my consciousness were to lose focus even a little.
How did I end up here?
Life is complicated, and the universe is unpredictable.
The winner of this incident was Ivan Kratsya. Francek was in an ambiguous position, neither a winner nor a loser.
‘Heilas is dead, but he has not failed.’
Rather, in terms of the survival of the Guard and House Custoria, the current outcome was much better than the ‘tribute plan’.
At least that’s what I wanted to believe.
Now, let’s think about another option. We have plenty of time to think anyway. Let’s reflect on my past. I won’t have much time to be myself.
‘When I sided with Kinuan and the Emperor… … .’
This is the most orthodox way to get out. Report Heilas’s actions to the imperial family, and when the time comes, strike back.
‘I would have been stabbed in the head by Heilas with a dagger. And it would have been fatal.’
If I had chosen that option, I would have become like Kinuan. A lonely person who cannot trust anyone. Even my feelings for Giselle and Ilay would have been stored only as memories of the past. And later on… … Ilay would have died by my hand. Ilay was capable, but not loyal to the Empire. Just like Rick Silva Nunez was killed by Kinuan.
I have no regrets about not siding with the Emperor and Kinuan. That would have been a choice that would have killed me while also saving me. I would have regretted it terribly, or I would have been transformed into a being who could not even feel such regret.
‘The other option is to help Ivan.’
It was the right decision to avoid this too.
Ivan became the ultimate winner, but it was not his own ability. According to his expression, it was ‘destiny’. Looking back, helping Ivan assassinate Francis was the worst possible decision.
The war will happen as it is… … Ivan’s impatient abilities would not have been able to defeat the emperor through secret fighting. He would not have been able to build the Custoria family either. It is a choice that will bring about the greatest disaster.
‘The most ideal choice for me was to work with Heilas right before the storm.’
But around this time, Kinuan drove a wedge into me. Because of that wedge, I began to doubt and distrust Heilas.
‘At that time, I didn’t trust Heilas. I thought Heilas was forcing unnecessary duties and responsibilities on me and forcing me to suffer losses and sacrifices. I thought he was trying to use me.’
The one who actually took control of my mind was not Heilas, but Kinuan.
‘I thought I was being used because I didn’t know what kind of existence my family was. No, Haylas had intentions of using me too.’
What Heilas emphasized was the responsibility that one must have as a member of the family. He emphasized responsibility and duty not only to me but also to the family.
‘It’s true that you used me, but you didn’t use me more cruelly than your other children.’
Heilas treated his other children the same way. In fact, he even tended to give me preferential treatment.
Now that I think about it, the reason was simple. It was Heilas’s flattery to win my favor.
‘The situation was so bad that I, the adopted son, had to put the fate of my family on the line… … .’
All of Heilas’s actions now seemed different. He wasn’t perfect, but he was just hiding his insecurity and sloppiness under his coat.
Heilas crossed the precarious bridge, guessing only by eye, and smiled as if he knew it wouldn’t collapse. He had to do that. He had to be perfect for those who believed in him and followed him.
‘Just like Noel.’
Heilas carried all those anxieties and fears alone.
But I shared my anxiety and fears with others.
‘I dragged Frances and Ilay into this situation.’
My series of irrational judgments led to suboptimal results.
‘This is a pretty good ending. It’s much better than I expected.’
Even if it was a wrong answer based on human calculations and judgment, it could end up being the right answer. This was because our world was not so shallow that it could be predicted by my cognition.
It was a vague intuition that enabled me to navigate the sea of possibilities.
Well, this is enough. Luca, Lucius Custoria. You did well enough. You are good enough to not embarrass Heilas.
I kept muttering.
I didn’t lose Giselle. I protected House Custoria. I was able to face Heilas. And I also learned that there was someone who could help me.
To this extent, it’s not a bad life. I think I’ve lived pretty well.
Of course, my life has not been clean. Many people have died by my hands, some of them innocent.
Creak, creak.
My fingers were twitching on their own. Even meditation couldn’t control my body’s trembling.
The conversion between cybernetic signals and bio-signals was not smooth, and there was a gap between the prosthetic body and the physical body. I remembered my first time wearing a prosthetic body as a cadet. I couldn’t even walk properly.
‘This is not my original body.’
If a human becomes even a little weak, the machine will rush in as if it were going to devour the body. We must not forget this fact. No matter how much it feels like my body, it is still a machine in the end.
I’m dying. My brain is slowly dying.
I’m left with only two endings.
Either completely dead and at a standstill, or half-dead and ending in a state of functional decline.
Squeak.
The door opened.
I heard the sound and barely managed to catch a glimpse of the blurry figure with my auditory vision.
“Ellie, how’s the situation outside?”
I asked with my head bowed.
Illai walked in and sat down across from me. He had a cigarette in his mouth like a thug from the lower quarters. It smelled like smoke.
“We’re busy with the aftermath. Armed conflicts occur occasionally. How can it be that no one knows exactly what’s going on in this vast Akbaran?”
“There is only one person who knows everything. That person is Kinuan.”
“… … It’s impossible to find Kinuan right now. He was an elusive man to begin with. It’s impossible to find Akbaran in the storm, especially at a time when chaos is at its peak.”
By the time the aftermath was over, Kinuan would be nowhere to be found in Akbaran. I had many questions for him.
“Is Heilas really dead?”
“I didn’t see the body myself, but there are many testimonies from the survivors of the Security Service. He single-handedly wiped out the entire security unit under the Security Service. More than ten of those strange former guardsmen were also dead.”
As soon as Haylas confronted the Emperor, he must have known that he needed to wage a war of public opinion. So he seized the central communications tower of the Information Security Department.
“then…….”
“Luka, before that, I have something to tell you. How much time do you have left?”
“It feels like it should take about thirty minutes.”
Illei clenched his mouth shut as if he was speechless. He pressed his palm to his forehead and let out a deep sigh.
“This stupid kid… … .”
“I don’t have much time left. Let’s continue the story. Ivan may be temperamental, but he’s not uncontrollable. You keep Ivan in check while protecting Francis from death. Once the situation stabilizes, Ivan will try to eliminate Francis.”
At the end, the only thing left to worry about was Ivan. For the time being, Ivan also lacks the energy to act recklessly.
‘If we keep Ilay with Frances, we can keep Ivan in check.’
I saw Ivan’s bare face. He was a predictable category of human being.
“Illei, to be honest, you are not the right person for me right now. The reason we can be friends is… …because we met before your darkness awakened.”
Ilay was a person who was closer to the royal family than I was. He was cruel and ruthless. And sometimes he did things that felt mean. He could fill in what Francesek lacked.
“… … Haha, you’re only realizing it now? And not just now, but I’ve thought from the beginning that you and I wouldn’t be compatible. I knew you’d freak out if I let out all the dirty thoughts inside me.”
“Why did you come to me knowing that?”
“At first, I tried to find out your weaknesses. It’s easier to get the top rank by finding one weakness and taking you down than if I worked hard. Since you’re an irregular, you’ll get kicked out for even the smallest thing.”
At first I thought Ilay was joking. But no. Perhaps what he said was true.
… … Well, he had shown signs of that kind of sinister schemer since the time he linked me with his first love, Lillian Ramones.
“Hmm, but it doesn’t seem like you took advantage of my weakness. What were you thinking?”
“Well, I don’t know because I forgot. At some point, I just started liking you. It was funny how you pretended to be serious every time something happened.”
Ilay smiled. I also smiled faintly, the corners of my lips slightly rising.
In the end, that’s how it is. Intentions and feelings don’t always match. That’s why I was able to come this far by choosing the wrong answer. If I had chosen the quick-witted correct answer, Heilas would have killed me long ago.
Heilas tried to kill me, but he saved me in the end and helped me with my plan even as he died.
Also, I fought until the end, even though I knew I couldn’t beat Rick Silva Nunez. Thanks to that, I was able to get to the center of the Emperor’s Watch.
Sometimes the wrong answer becomes the right answer.
The correct answer depends on the perspective and time point. Even the same choice can be right or wrong depending on the perspective and time distance.
The choices I made during this storm were the right ones for me. From someone else’s perspective, I might be the worst person who ruined the empire. But that kind of evaluation is none of my business.
“What was Kinuan? A spy of Bellato or Cora?”
“Ilay said, dropping the cigarette he had burned between his fingers.
I hesitated to answer. I was having trouble with my speech. I gathered my wits and spoke.
“If we consider Kinuan loyal, he will gladly become a traitor. If we think of him as weak, he will become strong. If someone calls him ruthless, he will show humanity that makes us feel pity. If we see him as an enemy, he will become an ally. If we consider him an ally, he will stab us in the back. That is Kinuan. A random monster that uses chaos as its weapon.”
Ilay looked at me and tilted her head.
“So what is his purpose?”
“If we figure that out, we can turn Kinuan from a monster back to a human. That’s… … your job, Il, Illei.”
This is all for me. The truth about Kinuan must be revealed by someone other than me.
“Hey, don’t go to sleep yet. I called Giselle too. At least until she gets there… … .”
The afterwords sound hazy.
I want to rest now. I want to get some sleep. This is enough.
I’m tired. My brain felt like it was soaking in a hot bath, and my nerves were unraveling one by one. There were flashes of light in my head, and a pleasant tingling sensation spread throughout my body.
Ilay came over and shook my shoulder. He even slapped my cheek hard. The pain felt distant, like it belonged to someone else.
The desire to sleep only grew stronger.
“Damn it, please! I called Giselle! If you leave without even saying hello, I’ll seduce Giselle! Do you know I’m more handsome than you?”
This is a bit provocative. I forcefully extended my fist and hit Ilay’s forehead.
Bam.
It was a weak fist that made me sigh.
‘You know what? You’re such a piece of shit that you’ll never meet a good woman.’
I can’t get the words out of my mouth. I guess I’m going crazy.
“Luka, listen carefully. I will do many dirty deeds in the future. I have already done many of them in places you cannot see. But you alone must know that I am not doing this for personal gain. I am still the same subversive Iley Kartika that you know. At some point, we became parts of a gigantic machine called the Empire. This is not normal. Something is wrong.”
Ilay’s voice seemed to come from far away.
I sat there, like an empty doll. I couldn’t do this anymore. My senses were numb, and I felt like I had no body below my neck.
“roo…….”
Ilay’s voice echoed in my ears.
Soon, it’s dark. I can’t feel it. It’s cold. Death, sense. There’s no light, the abyss, I’m lonely. I already miss warmth.
And a tiny bit of light has just arrived to delay my death.
“Lou, Ka.”
A voice that sounds like a glass bead dropped into water is heard.
Knock knock.
I moved my fingers. Giselle was hugging me.
… … It’s warm. It’s a good thing this isn’t the warmth of a man. If I had come to my senses in Ilay’s embrace, it would have finally been my turn to question my sexual identity.
A dull, blurry kiss followed.
Giselle, why do you like me? I am unlucky, arrogant, and even expressive of my emotions. I am also dangerous, secretive, and selfish. I held you, even though it was obvious that I would make you unhappy.
I have a lot to say. I wish I had more time.
At the end, I was convinced. I had chosen a better option than Noel. Noel died alone, without the acceptance and understanding of his loved ones.
… … Suddenly, I remembered a fairy tale book that was in the corner of the bookshelf at the daycare center. It was such an old book that the pages would crumble and turn into dust every time I turned the page. Anyway, for some reason, I read a fairy tale book that was of no use to me just to kill time.
In fairy tales, a sweet kiss can wake up a princess who has eaten a poisoned apple, and a cursed frog can become a prince. In any story, a loving kiss is the key to miracles.
Of course, no wonderful or great miracle happened to us.
I hope Giselle is happy, and I hope not only my friends but also all those who helped me are well.
… … My consciousness ends here.