Became an Academy Spearman - Chapter 538



538. The unnaturalness of the mind

***

Time passed and the next afternoon.

At the end of the lecture, Cheonseong was leaning on a bench in the park.

“…….”

I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky blankly.

The blue sky was so clear, contrary to my feelings, it was so clear. That might be why the sky looked clearer.

‘What on earth happened yesterday?’

Even though it occurred to me, that was the only thing on my mind the whole day.

I wonder what it really was. It’s been like that ever since yesterday.

Even though it’s me, I don’t understand myself.

It’s hard to believe, but that’s how I feel right now. It was so different compared to other times.

ㅡ!

Yet, suddenly, a glimmer appeared in my eyes.

The face of a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and a smile.

It was Rachel.

Suddenly, my heart was shaken again by her beautiful appearance that kept coming to mind since yesterday.

“…”

I exhaled slowly and rubbed my eyes.

Even as I erased the traces of Rachel that appeared like a fantasy, my mind was extremely complicated.

‘Just looking at the symptoms, you could say I had feelings for Rachel… .’

Yes, simply because I like Rachel. If you think of her in this way, all of her questions will be answered.

However, there were parts here and there that made it difficult to accept it that way.

Since I had liked and been in relationships with other people, I thought I knew something about love now.

At least I could confidently say that I did not know love.

I know that love is an emotion that can sometimes build up explosively and at other times can quietly erode me.

But Rachel’s case was different than ever.

‘Something.’

…Would you say it’s unnatural?

The only way to describe it in one word is ‘unnatural.’

He couldn’t understand me enough to accept that I had feelings for Rachel.

Compared to other times, that was the biggest difference.

When I realized or recognized love by looking at another person, I tended to accept it all as is.

I didn’t deny my feelings for her.

-I have come to like this person.

-I’ve always liked you.

Because I tend to fully accept my feelings that way.

But Rachel’s case was completely different.

Rather, in many ways, even I, who am aware of my emotions, cannot accept them. That was even though I couldn’t help but think that I had Rachel in her heart.

‘I… ?’

So suddenly, in just one moment, I fell in love with Rachel this much?

The moment when Rachel put a ruby ​​brooch on me yesterday was like a big turning point. At that time, as if something suddenly exploded, everything about Rachel began to look different within me.

Until now, I had been getting a strange feeling when I was with Rachel. Feeling that she was special.

So I have been more careful.

So that I don’t have feelings for Rachel… .

“really. “The more I think about it, the more foolish I feel.”

I was mumbling and couldn’t understand even now.

I can’t believe I’m worrying this much because I can’t understand my own feelings.

The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous the topic became.

There is no clear definition of love, and it is even more strange to consider such a big reason for liking someone.

Love is the height of irrational emotion to begin with, so why am I trying to find a reason there?

Sreuk!

I roughly messed up my hair and bit my lip.

“…….”

And then I faced reality again.

What was important now was not my feelings. Rachel looked at me like that.

It seemed as if anyone could see that I was agitated while looking at Rachel.

“Is this what it feels like to have a tower that you worked so hard to build fall down?”

A blank laugh escaped me.

So far, I thought I had a decent relationship with her and presented a pretty good image. But I ruined everything just yesterday.

Even though I was shaking my hands, I couldn’t help but laugh.

-No matter who is part of the royal family, their pride is very high.

A description that had stuck in my mind throughout the story suddenly came to mind. The pride of the royal family is so high that it cannot be compared to that of other nobles.

And how did I appear in Rachel’s eyes?

How did she feel the day she looked at her with selfish interest even though she was already in a romantic relationship with another woman?

I could tell that without even saying it.

“It must have been unpleasant.”

That would also have been very unpleasant.

I still vividly remember Rachel’s strangely looking at me at the end.

Tight.

I shook my head while chewing my lips.

“…Let’s sort out this feeling somehow.”

Whether my emotions are natural or unnatural, there is only one conclusion.

Emotions that should not be harbored.

That’s why I thought my relationship with Rachel should never cross the line.

Sreuk.

I got up, got myself in shape, and started walking without falling.

I ended up. I had to meet Rachel again.

At the very least, I had to fix that relationship now, even if it was late, so that Rachel wouldn’t hate me.

‘Rachel.’

Even now, she comes to mind strongly.

The feeling as if my body wanted her. How should I explain this strange feeling, as if her body was ahead of my mind?

“…If I tell you honestly, Rachel will also accept it.”

I’m going to organize my mind.

… … .

When I visited the space where the royal family was staying again and made my intentions known, the meeting itself took place easier than expected.

Because I was able to face Rachel as if she had been waiting for me.

Crash.

After entering the reception room. Naturally, I was treated to tea.

Between Rachel looking at me blankly and me observing her expression, a woman who appeared to be a maid carefully set down her teacup.

Ok. Ok.

The sound of the teacup being placed was unusually loud.

“…….”

“…….”

Immediately after our gazes crossed, the feeling was definitely different.

The feeling of Rachel looking at me is so different from yesterday. She looked cautious, as if she was examining me.

‘I thought you would show your displeasure to my face… .’

At least it wasn’t the worst I thought it would be.

Perhaps because she had built up a good image, Rachel’s attitude itself did not seem that hostile.

Ok.

Then, when she gently put down the teacup, my gaze fell for a moment.

“So, you said you had something to tell me?”

Just then she opened her mouth.

“yes. “I have something to say to the princess.”

“Then speak as comfortably as possible. “I will listen to you slowly, so don’t be too nervous.”

Her smile at the end looked dazzling.

That’s not just a saying… my body was reacting greatly just by making real eye contact.

Exciting!

My heart was pounding like crazy, my whole body seemed to be filled with heat, and even my breathing became faster.

Even though I was conscious of it, I strongly suppressed my feelings.

“First of all, I think the princess would be very… surprised.”

“About yesterday?”

Tuk. Her voice did not change the tone at all. As if he knew why I was here. She answered directly.

…So I nodded and accepted it as is.

“yes. “This is about what I showed the princess.”

“I’ll tell you this up front, but I don’t want to blame you.”

“I think you must have been displeased… .”

I had no choice but to pause and end the conversation at the unexpected words.

I thought I should cater to Rachel as much as possible.

A relationship with the royal family was essential to me, and in that sense, Rachel was an absolutely necessary person.

however.

‘You don’t want to blame me?’

What does that mean?

“And it wasn’t that unpleasant.”

As the words continued again, I moved my body awkwardly and met her gaze.

The gaze staring straight at me… was completely different from what I expected.

No matter what situation we assumed, seeing Rachel like this was unexpected.

Should I say he’s calm? He’s staring at me with eyes that don’t show any signs of displeasure.

I was speechless, as if I was trapped by her gaze.

“Han Tiansheng.”

“…Yes, princess.”

“I think you can do that.”

“Even after seeing me yesterday… are you accepting me that way?”

Yesterday, I was less able to treat her rationally than I am now. He reacted greatly to her every word and every action she made, showing her emotions on the outside.

“What can I do other than accept you?”

Rachel, who answered quickly, was even smiling.

It was a smile so captivating that it seemed to fill my head with only her.

“…….”

That moment when I just looked at her.

“I didn’t particularly hate seeing you like that either.”

Rachel looked different to me for the first time.

It seems like he’s a little embarrassed to make eye contact with me.

The way he gently avoids my gaze… .