Became an Academy Spearman - Chapter 788
788. [Western Front] – Contradiction (64)
***
Morning of the 17th day of the front line.
Half of the period of time he was supposed to stay at the front had already passed, and Cheonseong was feeling an untimely sense of discomfort.
To be exact, unnatural.
It was a feeling that should be called awkwardness.
The same emotions he felt on the first day after arriving at the front, ironically, he was feeling them now.
Rattling.
The meal continues with the sound of dishes being moved around.
“… … .”
“… … .”
It was quiet. Even though we were eating breakfast together in a restaurant, we just continued eating without even having small conversations.
And that was the case a few days ago.
Glancing.
Suddenly, I saw Lieutenant Rune standing across from me.
There is no strength in the hand holding the spoon. For some reason, I became more conscious of the sight of him crunching his food while eating it. Above all, the current Lieutenant Rune lacked energy.
Instead of his usual bright appearance, his complexion has darkened.
Because the reason was all ‘me’.
The day I transferred to the 1st unit, Lieutenant Rune suddenly came to me and said,
-You… … Is it because I feel burdened?
Her voice comes to mind as vividly as if I had just heard it. Her words to me at that time contained more meaning than that.
‘Whoa.’
Even as I sighed inwardly, my heart did not feel at peace.
Even now, I don’t dislike or feel rejected by Lieutenant Rune. Over the past two weeks, she has treated me with kindness and good will, and has actively expressed interest in me.
And if you were to say that her appearance wasn’t attractive, it wasn’t at all.
‘Because she is a sufficiently beautiful and attractive woman.’
however. I did not give an answer to that feeling through emotions.
I answered realistically and kept my distance.
That’s why the meal was so heavy now.
Sreuk.
“… … .”
Then, suddenly, she looked at me, and I found myself avoiding eye contact without realizing it.
And now… … .
I couldn’t give distance again.
From noble mtl dot com
“I will wake up first. “Have a nice meal everyone.”
“uh. “Yeah, yeah.”
“… … huh.”
Ensign Roxanna and Ensign Rune’s weak answers. And when Second Lieutenant McPhill looked at me awkwardly and nodded, I just left.
This place was so uncomfortable.
… … And now I don’t know what to do either.
Jerk. Jerk.
As I slowly walked away from the restaurant, I felt several eyes on me.
Although I didn’t receive as much attention as the day I first arrived at the front, there were still constant eyes looking at me.
That too, quite a few eyes.
Crucially, I knew that most of those gazes were from the opposite s*x, so I made up my mind.
‘Yes, especially in times like this.’
I need to calm down more.
Even if I don’t hate it or think I’m a good person. I had to know how to keep my distance.
I am so different from who I was in the past, and my position and position have all changed significantly. And my actions had to have weight.
Even thinking about the people I am currently in a relationship with, I need to control myself more.
Jerk.
It was the moment I left behind such complicated feelings and returned to the enemy barracks.
Crash.
When I saw Lieutenant Sabrina opening the door and coming out, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Are you awake now?”
“Oh, yes. Haaah… … “I’m a little tired.”
I seemed surprised for a moment, but then I naturally came closer to seeing her yawning softly. In that sense, Ensign Sabrina was a little different to me.
‘At least you’re trying to keep your distance from me.’
I could vaguely sense that, so I felt more comfortable with her than with the other members of the platoon.
“Are you okay for a moment?”
“hour? “Do you have something to say to me?”
“no. “I hope you’ll give me some time since you have some free time.”
When I spoke with a warm smile, Lieutenant Sabrina immediately accepted me.
“Okay, then let’s talk while we warm up a bit in the training room. Haha.”
As she led me away with a series of yawns, I found myself laughing strangely.
Again. Jerk.
And although her light clothing was what I noticed right away, her comfortable attitude and tone of voice were more important than anything else. He also casually matched my steps and narrowed the distance.
Although she was different from the other platoon members in very minor details, I felt closer to Lieutenant Sabrina.
‘Maybe this is what it feels like to be friends with the opposite s*x.’
To put it mildly, I felt like Darsha and I were friends of the opposite s*x, but I felt a deeper connection with Ensign Sabrina, perhaps because we became friends in a short period of time.
To be a friend, she should definitely be considered a senior, but even so, I just liked her like this.
The value of being able to talk comfortably and spend time together without any worries.
that… … Because it was more precious than I thought.
Crash.
As we entered the training room and sat down on the equipment, we naturally began to warm up.
“Han Tiansheng. So what are you worried about?”
Then, at the lightly thrown comment, I paused for a moment. She was now looking right into my heart.
Without realizing it, I was revealing my inner thoughts.
“… … “I have a thought that is a bit vague to call a worry.”
“What is that? “After all, you’re saying you have concerns, right?”
When he corrected me with a chuckle, I laughed awkwardly.
“yes. I’m worried. actually… … “It’s a bit awkward for me to say this, but would you please listen comfortably?”
“Tell me first. “I’ll think about whether it’s comfortable to listen to or not after listening.”
In a series of light words, I carefully opened up about the strange relationship between me and Ensign Rune.
In fact, there were already strange rumors going around within the enemy wing, so I didn’t even need to say this.
‘Because I know everything.’
But I couldn’t share my concerns with anyone.
Because I didn’t know who to talk to anyone about my concerns.
“… … So, it’s been very awkward lately when we eat or meet each other. It’s not that I don’t like Lieutenant Rune, but it’s hard for me to do anything about it.”
After I finished explaining, Ensign Sabrina looked at me as if she understood.
“Well, I vaguely knew everything. Because Rune’s attitude towards you was unusual. In fact, everyone who knows already knows.”
Ensign Sabrina admitted so calmly that I looked at her nervously.
‘Then do you know the answer?’
I wanted to know the answer to what I should do in this situation.
Right now, it was too uncomfortable for me to vaguely distance myself from Lieutenant Rune. And I didn’t want time to continue like this.
“Han Tiansheng.”
“yes. “Tell me.”
“I’ll just ask you bluntly, what are your honest feelings about Rune right now?”
The question was very heavy.
It felt like I was hitting a powerful fastball straight into my body, so much so that I was speechless for a moment.
‘This is…’ … .’
I wasn’t even asking if I didn’t like Lieutenant Rune or any other vague feelings like that. I was asking for a clear answer, almost black and white, like it or not.
“I’m feeling a little attracted to him.”
And after a short period of thought, the only answer I could give was favor. I couldn’t say no to her with empty words when she showed me such kindness.
“I’m feeling attracted to you…” … “But you still want to keep your distance from Rune?”
“Yes, Ensign Sabrina, as you know, I have a lover now. And that too… … “It’s not just one or two people.”
I have never revealed the number of lovers I have had.
All I know is that my answer on the first day that I had a lover was also conveyed to other platoon members.
So I had to be more honest.
“Well, that’s right. “It’s hard to think that you wouldn’t have been popular just because it was the Academy.”
Seeing her smiling strangely, I smiled awkwardly.
It was difficult for me to choose either positive or negative. I know that Lieutenant Rune, a member of my platoon, was in trouble because of me, but I didn’t want to be happy about those words.
“… … That’s why I’m worried. “What attitude should I show?”
“You are already rejecting Rune. But are you saying you’re worried more?”
“Even if I refuse, I don’t want to remain in an awkward situation with Ensign Rune in the future.”
“Phew!”
At that moment, Ensign Sabrina burst out laughing, and I stared at her blankly.
What I’m saying now… … Is it that strange?
I told my feelings as honestly as I could, but it seemed like it sounded funny.
“You’re really greedy too.”
But the words that followed made me stop.
‘greed.’
And just one word… … .
It was penetrating my mind perfectly now.
I indirectly rejected someone who liked me right away. And she hates how awkward and distant she is from him compared to before.
That in itself was a ‘contradiction’.
I’ve already done something to hurt Lieutenant Rune, but I’m saying that I want to close the distance between her and her.
Lieutenant Sabrina, who listens to me from a third party perspective, laughs like this… … It wasn’t that strange.
“… … sorry. “I said something absurd.”
“No, it’s not that absurd. Because I understand what you’re saying now. I know what your personality is, and over the past two weeks, I have felt many different things about what kind of man you are as we have been together. “I never said that to criticize you.”
I was dazed by her calm voice.
to be honest.
The very moment of meeting Ensign Sabrina made me feel very embarrassed.
I felt like I was exposing my own shame and showing what a greedy and selfish person I am.
“Then how about changing your mind now?”
“… … Do you mean thoughts?”
“Yes, what you are worrying about right now is actually very contradictory. Rune likes you now, but you rejected her. And she’s saying that she doesn’t want her relationship with Rune to become distant. “Do you also feel contradictory?”
When she pointedly pinched me, I nodded blankly.
And seeing me like that, Ensign Sabrina smiled even brighter.
“You know. “What do you think happiness is?”
At another word that followed, I blinked for a moment.
‘happiness… … ?’
You say something like that all of a sudden?