Became an Academy Spearman - Chapter 789
789. [Western Front] – About happiness (65)
***
“You know. “What do you think happiness is?”
“Happiness is… … “I think it’s up to you to be satisfied with yourself and accept it or not.”
“The answer is more profound than I thought. Happiness is being satisfied with yourself… … Well, that’s quite understandable.”
“Yes, that’s what I think happiness is.”
There would be much more to say if I went into more detail, but I thought that if I had to choose just one major premise for happiness, it would be satisfaction.
‘Yes, satisfied.’
It is often said that humans are insatiable animals.
No matter how much you have, it’s human nature to want more. And I also thought that was correct.
‘Even if I become stronger and grow again.’
Because I look endlessly upward. I cannot allow myself to become complacent and stop with reality.
Therefore, I thought that I could only feel happy if I was satisfied with myself. Because I think it is difficult to establish happiness in itself when you are not satisfied.
“Hmm. “You always say you exceed my expectations, but this answer left me speechless for a moment.”
“I… “Is there a reason you suddenly asked questions about happiness?”
“Of course there is. And I think happiness is actually the core of all worries. As you say, if you are satisfied and happy, no matter what the process is or how others view it… … “I don’t think anything else is that important.”
What I heard was a slightly different opinion than I thought.
However, Lieutenant Sabrina’s words agreed with me to some extent.
‘What’s important is one’s heart.’
And a feeling that can be called happiness.
“In that sense, I understand how you feel right now. “I don’t want to increase the number of women because I think about my existing lover. In that sense, even though I rejected Rune, I want to restore the good relationship I had with her before.”
“… … .”
“I don’t think that’s selfish. On the contrary, I feel like you think that way because your heart is kind. “Rejecting your feelings doesn’t mean it’s the end. You’re also worried because you’re thinking about Rune after that.”
“No, I don’t think I’m good or…” … I don’t think that’s the case. “What you said earlier about greed resonates with me even more.”
I listened blankly and shook my head without realizing it.
If you choose one, you will be forced to give up the other.
You can’t have it all.
But I didn’t want to miss anything out of greed. While rejecting her so-called lover’s feelings for Rune, she also wanted to maintain the good relationship she had with her before.
… … Because that thought itself was the problem.
“Han Tiansheng.”
“… … yes.”
The car I was making eye contact with in a daze.
Ensign Sabrina gently brushed her hair. That’s when she caught my eye with her hair revealing her ears.
“I tried to tell you to change your mind, but I’m not going to tell you what the answer is. And I don’t even intend to tell you how your mind should change.”
“understanding… … “I’m doing it.”
You shouldn’t ask someone else for an answer to that. It’s a question I have to answer myself.
Therefore, what she said was extremely valid.
“Still, I want to say something to you.”
“You can speak comfortably. “I’m really paying attention and listening.”
Nevertheless, Lieutenant Sabrina’s words were helpful enough to me.
Somehow, I felt like my confused mind was a little more straightened out and I knew how to think.
And what on earth will she say now?
What more words should I use to correct my heart? … .
It was a moment I had been looking forward to without even realizing it.
Tuk.
Suddenly her hand touched my shoulder.
I was so dazed that I was only conscious of it for a moment.
Slurp!
Suddenly, a strong force pulled me in, and I was pulled in without any time to resist.
“… … !”
Come on.
It was sudden. But the moment I came to my senses, I was in the arms of Ensign Sabrina.
“How old are you now?”
Without even being surprised by her unexpected behavior, a calm voice reached my ear.
“S-I’m twenty years old.”
Although this year is coming to an end soon, I am still twenty years old.
From noble mtl dot com
While I somehow got my mind together and answered, I swallowed my saliva for a moment.
It was soft.
No, there was something very foreign about her firm yet constricting arms, so I couldn’t do anything.
Her body, which she trained regularly, was ideal, but the moment she was held in his arms, her thoughts stopped.
“Yes, you are only twenty years old. Actually, compared to me and the other platoon members, you are really young. If there is a difference in the time spent between the academy and the front line, I think there is a bigger difference in experience than the actual age difference. “Is that what you think?”
“… … you’re right.”
The car used to make me stiffen my body without even realizing it.
Grumbling.
I felt a soft hand slowly stroking my hair.
Her voice, as if she was handling something precious, yet whispering in my ear, was so calm that I felt blank.
‘This is…’ … ‘It’s not that kind of feeling.’
Ensign Sabrina was never meant to hold me in her arms and say these words in private.
only.
“Don’t think too deeply. You just… … Honestly, I think it’s okay to look a little like a child. “There is no need to be so careful, think deeply about everything, and be nervous and careful with every action.”
He was speaking softly, as if comforting me or trying to ease my mind.
So, my stiff body was slowly loosening up.
The unexpected action made me very nervous, and the doubts I had along with my doubts melted away like snow in the middle of winter.
Sreuk.
And I was able to carefully hug her.
As if she was embracing me, I felt that she was trying to ease my mind, and for a moment, I leaned into that coziness.
“… … Is that so?”
“Yes, no matter how well you adapt to the front line and carry out your mission well. Aside from that, I know that they are really good in their attitude toward us and in many other ways. And not just me, but everyone in our platoon knows. “It’s how hard you work and how good you are.”
The tone that resonated like a whisper in my ear was unusually soft.
A voice so unique that it doesn’t feel like the usual playful Lieutenant Sabrina.
so… … For some reason, my ears felt itchy.
Should I say that it feels strange for no reason?
Even if there is an age difference between her and me, the difference isn’t that big to begin with.
If I had a sister, I would feel like I was being held in her arms.
And that too in the arms of my older sister who comforted me so warmly… … .
“You said that the standard for happiness is satisfaction. By the way. “How about lowering the standard for happiness a little?”
“… … “Lowering happiness?”
“It’s not about happiness, it’s about lowering the standard of happiness. The standard you think you are satisfied with for yourself. And lower your standards of satisfaction for others just a little bit.”
Her voice whispering sweetly made me think as if I was spellbound.
‘Standard… … .’
lower it
My criteria for satisfaction.
And that was enough to change a lot of things in my values in a split second.
I’m always harsh on myself and don’t rest when I should. It was like that every day. I was always strict with myself, and strangely, I used to be harsher with myself than I was with others.
The others were very understanding and valued relationships, but I was actually treating myself too strictly.
And that is,
I came to realize this later after hearing Lieutenant Sabrina’s words.
That I was looking at reality very seriously.
“Don’t try to be too perfect.”
“… … .”
“And it doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect in the first place. That’s the same for me and you too. “We are all the same, and the more you try to be perfect, the more difficult it becomes for you.”
Grumbling.
The hand that brushed my hair along with the words was so warm.
And her words and touch seemed to melt my heart endlessly.
ㅡ!
Even now, an alarm bell was ringing periodically in a corner of my mind.
As time passed, I was now able to get used to it. But if you asked me if I was nervous, I wasn’t.
In a nervous state, I act like I’m normal and treat other people.
As if I couldn’t feel anything.
But even that… … I was placing a heavy ‘burden’ on myself.
“I wanted to tell you this. No matter what choice you make or what decision you make, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the right answer. “Where can there be a set answer when it comes to relationships between people?”
It seemed as if he was persuading me, or just gently comforting me.
But whatever it is… … .
‘I feel at ease.’
I loved this moment so much.
An extremely comfortable feeling, as if you were letting go of everything that was on your mind.
The last two weeks have been spent trying to fit in, to blend in with the enemy, to not show up lacking in the mission, to prove my worth to Anastasia… … .
Countless thoughts and concerns continued to overwhelm me. It was a series of hours where I couldn’t even tell how each day passed.
But I didn’t think about all of that at this moment.
“… … .”
I just exhaled in a daze and forgot about even the thought of answering.
I just let go of my heart while being held in Lieutenant Sabrina’s cozy arms.
Grumbling.
And without realizing it, I came to rely on the hand that brushed my hair.
This moment feels so sweet.
Not only was it cozy, but I felt more at ease because what she said to me really touched me.
“I don’t think it’s that bad if you do whatever your heart tells you. Rather than thinking too much and trying to accommodate your own happiness. Just really simple. “It’s not a bad thing to act the way you feel right now.”
“… … “Is that okay?”
“As long as it doesn’t cause too much harm to others, I think that’s the right thing to do. Why do you think we live in the first place?”
A strange question struck my heart again.
And the answer was very clear.
“Being happy… … “I think it’s for this reason.”
“yes. But no matter how much you try to be happy, if reality continues to become more difficult, can we really say that is the answer?”
“no. “Probably not.”
“huh. Since you think so too, try to relax a little from now on. “Think simply and let the emotions of the moment take you.”
Sreuk!
Then, as she hugged me stronger, I buried my face in her chest without even realizing it, and all the strength in my body relaxed.
I can’t… … I couldn’t disobey Ensign Sabrina’s actions now.
My heart I didn’t even know about.
I wish someone could ease my mind like this… … Because I feel it more than ever now.
“Whoa… … .”
And when her breath suddenly tickled the area of my ear, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It tickles.”
“Are you exhaling to tickle me?”
As his voice became more playful, he pampered her for a while.
… … To be honest, I am still very surprised.
I didn’t know that Lieutenant Sabrina had this much of a side to making people feel warm.