Became an Academy Spearman - Chapter 806
806. [Western Front] – The possibility of a miracle (82)
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Rachel stayed for about an hour more and then left.
And to say that it was the end just because she left, Rachel’s presence was too great. Immediately afterwards, numerous platoon members came looking for me, and I spent most of the day just answering them about Rachel.
When I finally got back to my room and could finally be alone, I felt exhausted.
dump.
I lay down on the bed in a daze and looked at the ceiling.
“… … “Am I doing well?”
As my heart was shaken by Rachel, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
Am I doing well?
This is my attitude. Are my actions right?
“… … .”
Only a shallow breath escaped my mouth.
And I couldn’t vaguely remember what was right and what was wrong. I felt like it was difficult to know myself well anymore to say what the right answer was.
Set a purpose,
Do your best to achieve it.
This has been the way of life I have maintained so far.
And there was a clear goal, such as growth and apostleship, and the ‘right answer’ for enemies.
So I was able to convince myself that I was doing well and that I was taking the right path. However, my relationships with many people were different.
ㅡThere is no right answer.
An answer that is commonly accepted as common sense. If I had to choose and break off the relationship I had to break off, it would be like denying every relationship I had ever created.
“ha.”
I took a short breath and stroked my face.
I’m exhausted.
I felt truly exhausted.
I think about everything, find answers to everything, and think about what is right and wrong for me in that situation… … .
I had to repeat that every day and convince myself every day. Because I think that if I don’t waver, other people won’t waver when they see me.
But what is someone’s ‘sincerity’?
The more I encountered it, the more it seemed as if it was demanding an answer from me.
This person treats you so sincerely.
But what about you?
“I am… … “Do we really treat them with sincerity?”
Could it be that they are trying to cover up the situation by answering with lies, pretense, and pretense?
In my dazed mind, I was suddenly asking myself that question.
Is it really okay to do this?
And my thoughts on this eventually came down to one thing.
It may be different if you dig into the details, but in the end, what I was worried about was basically the same thing.
-Is it okay to have relationships with so many women?
Could it be that I am recklessly increasing my relationship under the pretext of their sincerity and affection for me?
“no.”
And I was able to shake my head emphatically about that.
My mind is blank due to a busy day.
Tired body.
A deep feeling of exhaustion.
As if everything was unified, a thought appeared in my head.
“Because this is the choice I made.”
Regardless of whether it was the answer or not, I made a choice.
I thought about it, thought about it, and made my own choice. Not through someone else’s influence, not because someone pushed your back… … .
It was ‘my’ choice.
Tight.
By chewing my lips vigorously, I straighten my slackened spirit.
And as I clenched my hands tightly, I remembered only one decision.
“You decided to handle it all.”
I face the consequences of my choices and this reality rather than running away from it.
Yes, it was my choice to face reality.
And in order to see reality, one inevitably had to dream of the ‘ideal’.
Looking at reality vaguely, feeling weak alone, giving up on someone and choosing someone else, all of that is meaningless.
That’s why this morning, I made up my mind about Rachel.
“Because I need it.”
In the future I envision, Rachel must be by my side.
Because I love her,
Because we face each other’s emotions,
I didn’t have a romantic relationship with her. Because it was necessary.
This was my truth.
Today, my heart was shaken as I continued to encounter Rachel’s true feelings. So, although she said she had been struggling a little while ago, she was soon able to put her mind right.
Sreuk.
I raise my upper body from where I was lying down and straighten my appearance. Then he got up and left the inner room.
Jerk.
Jerk.
The direction in which my steps are heading, as if heading aimlessly.
And I naturally realized where it would end.
dripping.
I knocked on the door and cautiously opened my mouth.
“Can I come in for a moment?
-Come in.
Hearing the calm woman’s voice, I opened the door and entered.
Then, a pure white space came into view. As if it was natural, Ensign Sabrina, still unconscious, and Lieutenant Neril were there next to her.
“… … “I heard that you welcomed Princess Rachel today, and she came to visit today as well.”
Looking at Lieutenant Neril with a calm smile, I carefully bowed my head to show respect.
“I thought that Ensign Sabrina would get to know me a little more if I came here every day like this.”
“I guess so. Anyway, sit back and relax.”
So I went to Ensign Sabrina’s side and very carefully sat down.
And like it has been every day lately.
“… … .”
I looked at Ensign Sabrina in silence.
And Lieutenant Neril didn’t say anything to me either.
Quiet time.
As the heavy air, like silence, hovered around the infirmary, I no longer hated the heaviness of this air so much.
Like cozy.
It seemed like it was comforting.
I think that helps me get my mind together.
Is that why?
‘It’s no wonder when an accident happens.’
Such a thought suddenly arose in my mind.
Ominous thoughts.
Not a very good idea.
However, whenever I faced the unconscious Lieutenant Sabrina, I became increasingly aware of my reality.
To the point where I thought worrying about relationships with women was just a luxury. It is even more dangerous and we realize that there are people whose tomorrow is uncertain.
From noble mtl dot com
Sreuk.
As I gently stretched out my hand, my eyes fell on Lieutenant Neril.
“… … “Please excuse me for a moment.”
“Oh, I’m fine.”
After hearing Lieutenant Neril’s calm answer, I held Lieutenant Sabrina’s hand.
Even though the words were originally meant to be addressed to Ensign Sabrina, now that I was giving them to Lieutenant Neril, I gently held her hand and calmed my breath.
“I will believe it.”
And rather than saying anything else, I just said one word.
Just before losing consciousness. Just like Ensign Sabrina tried to hold my hand at the moment of the great disaster. Now I hold her hand and carefully make up my mind.
I hope she wakes up okay.
I want you to be your cheerful self again and play pranks on me.
I truly believed that, and I calmed down.
‘You can handle it all.’
In the past, I was troubled and worried during my many relationships with women. And at the end of it all, I thought I would handle it.
I will raise my self-worth and become a ‘great man’ who feels it is okay to accept them all.
I made up my mind and made up my mind that even if my position in this empire rose to that level and I accepted all of them, I would not feel the slightest bit of guilt.
And I added my will to my endless efforts so far.
I achieved growth that others could not have dared to imagine, and at the end of it all, I even realized the source of my power, the Eusteic spear technique.
I definitely don’t think this happened through my will and effort alone.
However, it was also clear that I could not have come this far without my will and effort.
And now.
I made a bigger decision.
Now, I will erase all regrets, hesitations, and worries about my choice and just look forward.
“I will work harder to fill the empty space without Lieutenant Sabrina… … .”
Sreuk.
A small smile escaped me as I squeezed her hand a little harder.
It wasn’t sad to see her anymore.
Checking on and looking at the unconscious Lieutenant Sabrina every day didn’t make me feel tired or broken.
Naturally, my thoughts went crazy. Lieutenant Sabrina won’t see me like that either.
… … therefore.
I decided to look more realistic.
At the same time, I naturally utilized mana to operate it to a small extent.
“Ensign Han Tiansheng?”
I calmly opened my mouth to hear Lieutenant Neril’s voice suddenly startling me.
“… … This is the use of mana learned from the central magic tower lord. It will revitalize your body and give you some vitality. “No harm will come to Ensign Sabrina.”
“Well, I see. “I was a little surprised by the sudden use of mana.”
In her dazed voice, I used a little bit of my mana to convey my thoughts to Ensign Sabrina.
‘actually… … It wouldn’t mean anything, though.’
Still, wouldn’t it be of some help?
In those thoughts, something suddenly occurred to me.
-The purity of your body itself means a lot to your descendants and to the lovers related to you.
Ariya’s faceless voice.
And there was something that vaguely occurred to me in that voice.
“Lieutenant Neril. Sorry, but just a moment… … “Could you please leave for a moment?”
“yes. “Well, let me do that.”
Even as I watched her move away from my words without hesitation, I was a little dazed.
‘why.’
Why didn’t I think of that earlier?
The special nature of my body didn’t just affect me. It can also have a great impact on those related to me.
Ariya gave me the answer that just ‘saliva’ would be effective.
Crash.
The moment Lieutenant Neril left the position. I hesitated with my lips in a daze.
“… … .”
Still, I felt a little hesitation.
Even that was only a moment.
‘There is obviously nothing wrong with Lieutenant Sabrina’s body anymore. ‘It’s a matter of consciousness.’
However, the efficacy of my body, like the essence of the World Tree, was not limited to just physical effects. There was also a separate ‘pure effect’ that made the mind clearer and made it easier to understand various principles.
“Si, please excuse me.”
Even though I know Ensign Sabrina can’t hear me… … I brought that up for no reason.
Even as I carefully bowed my head, I thought this was inevitable.
‘Just in case.’
Even if it was truly such a rare possibility, the possibility ‘clearly’ existed.
Then I had to do the best I could.