Civil Servant in a Romance Fantasy - Chapter 930



930 – Prayer for Me – 2

A being wearing a white robe suddenly appeared. I couldn’t see it clearly because its face was covered, and its voice was incredibly unfamiliar─but I could instinctively tell who it was.

That man is Enen. That being is the god who reigns over the continent.

‘Is that really the guy?’

In fact, I couldn’t be sure of anything except that it was Enen.

The visible body is rather slender, so it is hard to tell if it is male or female. The voice also feels neutral depending on how you listen to it. It is even impossible to guess if it is an old person, a young person, or a child. Judging from the size, it is unlikely to be a child, but if you think of it as a well-developed child, it seems like it could be included just barely.

An entity that is clearly right before your eyes but you cannot see anything about it. An entity that you recognize exists but cannot look at in detail.

‘It’s the sun god.’

I found myself convinced without even realizing it.

This mysterious and bizarre phenomenon. I feel like a human who wants to look straight at the sun but cannot because his eyes cannot stand it. It is an overwhelming feeling that is worthy of the name of the sun god.

– Have you seen everything?

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect to see the Lord in heaven in person.”

I hurriedly lowered my head at Enen’s soft voice.

I have already had many experiences of seeing and hearing the voice of God. I have certainly experienced it thanks to the eternal blue sky and the foretaste of Constantina.

But the eternal blue sky was a being that had attached itself to my wounds on its own accord, and was treated as a benefactor by Constantina. On the other hand, Enen had nothing to be sorry about, and was not lacking in strength. He was truly a being that could be called a god, so I should be as courteous as possible.

– The desire for the sun is an instinct that all living things should have. How could it be rude to look at the sun?

Enen continued speaking in a flat voice in response to my apology.

– But you, little life. The sun is warm because it is far away, and if you try to get closer, you will be engulfed in disaster. You just need to accept the warmth of the sun, not its flames.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

I bowed my head even more deeply to the advice not to be curious about useless things.

Yes. Originally, the appearance of a god was not something to be looked at lightly. In the myths of the world in the past, weren’t there many anecdotes of people who tried to see the appearance of a god and ended up in a bad state? If it was the sun god, it would have been even worse, not less.

– Sit down. I don’t feel comfortable with my invited guest standing.

“Thank you, heavenly lord.”

Soon, at Enen’s suggestion, a chair rose right next to me.

It was a more ordinary-looking wooden chair than I had thought. Before the council, Enen reigned as the sole god of the continent, so in a dream space like this, it wouldn’t have been strange to make a temple instead of a chair.

Of course, if the temple had risen, it would have been burdensome in its own way. I sat down on the chair that Enen had prepared with a glad heart.

– It was the first time.

“yes?”

And then, as soon as he sat down on the chair, he blurted out something completely unexpected.

What do you mean, it’s your first time? What kind of reaction should I have when you suddenly bring up something like that?

– It has been many years since you became my blessed one. It has also been many years since I celebrated your settlement by attending your first wedding.

Enen paid no attention to my embarrassed silence. It was as if he had not wanted an answer in the first place.

– Years are but a moment to me, but they must have been a long time to you. And yet you carried my name upon your shoulders, yet I did not pray for you.

‘ah.’

But I guess he didn’t intend to just stare at the wall and mutter, so he quickly explained it in a way that I could understand.

‘Was it like that?’

I quickly rolled my head at Enen’s words.

I am not a very religious person, so I did not pray often before or after being beatified. After being beatified, I did pray for the health of the mother and child.

…But isn’t that a prayer for me too? Because I prayed for women’s safe childbirth and the healthy birth of children in order to make them laugh.

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– Countless years have passed since I appeared in the world. During that time, countless children have served me and prayed for me.

As if reading the question, a faint smile appeared in Enen’s voice.

– The child who first served me, my first child, also prayed for himself. He prayed for blessings for his future and for justice to be given to his actions.

“Is that so?”

– Of course, that is not wrong. Humans progress and develop for their own sake. A human without desires just stays in one place.

Before I knew it, Enen had come up to me.

It happened literally in the blink of an eye. It was incredibly disconcerting. It was clearly a few meters away just a moment ago.

– But you were not. Your prayers would be closer to me than any other prayer. You did not pray for yourself. You only prayed for others.

It was still hard for me to understand. As a husband, praying for my wife and children seemed like a prayer for me.

But if God says so, then what can we do? If the person receiving the prayer categorizes it as ‘not for me’, then that’s what we should know.

– Thanks to you, I finally get to see you. Because you finally prayed for me. I too was finally able to connect with your soul.

“I am ashamed to have made you wait, Lord.”

– Didn’t I tell you? Years are but a moment to me. Even if it had been decades, I would have gladly waited.

Enen, who said that, lightly patted my shoulder and returned to where he was before.

A shoulder touched by God himself. In some ways, it was a stronger touch than the stigmata, but strangely, instead of saying it was an honor, he uttered something else.

“But, Lord, I have never prayed for myself this time.”

It’s definitely that guy. At first he spoke normally, but at some point he started saying things that were hard to understand.

If you think about it, even the Eternal Blue Sky told Enen that he was a “speaker who only talks about himself.” I didn’t know it at the time, but I think I understand what he meant now. I’m having a conversation, but I’m not getting anything out of it.

– No. You offered up a prayer for yourself. Even that was motivated by a heart for others. It is truly amazing and wonderful.

Regardless of my complaints, Enen’s mouth slightly rose. Her eyes and nose were hidden by her robe, but her mouth was clearly visible because it was protruding from the robe.

That guy is laughing. He’s laughing to himself while spouting out words he only knows.

‘What on earth are these gods?’

It is a sad thing. The god of the sky who illegally took in taxes, the god of the plants who threw teabagging at the god of the sky, and the god of the sun who had no communication skills. If even the gods who were close to being victorious were like this, what kind of mess would have unfolded during the religious wars?

It’s scary to even imagine. I’m glad I didn’t get to live in that era.

– Congratulations on settling down. You are real, contrary to your worries.

The faith that had been gradually declining was momentarily frozen by the words that followed.

– Do you remember? The day you got married for the first time. That’s what I told you.

“Yes, I remember.”

– It is not a metaphor. It is not a simple consolation. I called you to tell you this.

“Lord, Lord. What is that─”

– If it happened the first time, it was a coincidence, but if it happened the second time, it was fate. So, even if it was a coincidence that you went to another world, it was fate that you came back.

With those words, I opened my eyes.

‘The crazy sun.’

He ended up just saying what he wanted to say until the very end.

As I recall, Enen and Constantina grew up under the care of the eternal blue sky. What kind of care did they receive to become such gods?

As an adult, it’s complicated for Enen.

Today, I stood alone in front of the birth tree and looked at the tombstone, without the children or spirits.

– If it happened the first time, it was a coincidence, but if it happened the second time, it was fate. So, even if it was a coincidence that you went to another world, it was fate that you came back.

And just before waking up from the dream, I recalled what Enen had said several times.

In fact, right after I came to this world, I thought several times that there might be other possessed beings. I am also a possessed being, so how can I guarantee that there won’t be other possessed beings? Thinking that I was the only possessed being was an unfounded judgment.

However, even after nearly 10 years of possession, I still haven’t been able to find anyone suspected of being possessed. This means that either there really are no possessed people, or if not, they have completely assimilated into this world like me.

‘If you keep quiet, there’s no need to look for it.’

In the first place, if the possessed person doesn’t make a fuss by shouting out things like “Abolish the caste system! Introduce democracy!”, I don’t have to bother looking for the possessed person. I don’t feel comfortable doing harm to someone like me who was dragged in out of nowhere.

But what did Enen say? Once is coincidence, but twice is destiny. Anyone who hears it can tell that there were two soul transfers.

If that’s the case, then there is another person besides me,

‘I’m back.’

Enen used the expression “I came back to you”. He said that I went to another world and came back.

As if I had come and gone from this world twice by myself. As if my soul had gone to the previous world and returned to this one.

‘Was I a recycled soul?’

For a moment, I had that thought. If what Enen said is true, how many lives have I lived? It seems like I have lived my life so fulfillingly, even though it is only one life for others.

‘Really? Was it a spirit that came and went?’

I touched the stone carefully. I touched the part that said Karl Crassius several times.

There is no point in asking the question, “How did I, who originally lived in this world, end up in the previous world?” If you are going to tackle that part, then it also makes no sense that I came from the previous world to this one.

‘Was I really you?’

The real Karl died at the young age of 16. Karl died at an age that was not yet considered an adult by Imperial law.

If that person was me, and if that soul had flowed into the present that I remember, if that soul had flowed into the present and returned to this world like a salmon.

‘This is a mess.’

Honestly, I can’t shake the feeling that this is a mess.

Isn’t it too much to be sent on a business trip to another region, another country, or another world at the age of 16? And to return after spending over 20 years in that business trip? Who should I complain to about this brutal work environment?

‘Rolling around like a dog was the fate engraved on my soul.’

I touched the name of Karl Crassius, the prototype who had become my real self from my previous life… no, who had become my previous life’s me.

For some reason, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Maybe it’s because there were so many reasons to laugh. I just couldn’t stop.

‘The man who didn’t even pray for me was only mourning my death.’

How amazing it must have been for Enen to see it.

Perhaps Enen’s strange interest and affection were the feelings of an owner looking at a curious pet.