Damn Idol - Chapter 172



Only Noblemtl

Episode 172

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How long I lived is not something to talk about anymore, and I don’t know exactly.

Because when you’re addicted to antidepressants or have those involuntary regressions, your sense of time is messed up.

It felt like a week had passed, but there were times when months had passed.

But what is certain is that I have lived through times that are difficult to fathom.

He also has a lot of connections that are hard to guess.

There was a time when I was distressed by encounters with people from my past life.

We must have been special enough to support each other’s traumas in our past lives, but only I have those memories.

When I show friendliness, they look at me with wary eyes.

So I realized.

To me, connections are not the context between people.

To a regressor who loses all context with one regression, connections are a familiar pattern of behavior that says, “If I act this way, that person will act that way.”

In that sense, my GOTM friends are the most familiar connections and relationships to me.

I’ve been with those guys for close to 10 years now (the original members have split up), and I know what they like and what they don’t.

So I know what Dave Logan means when he tells me.

“Edward is talking nonsense. He says you’re the best guitarist.”

This is neither doubting nor picking a fight.

It’s just a euphemism for wanting to hear me play the guitar.

A dishonest guy.

“The best is Eric Scott.”

“Not slow hand?”

“Isn’t that just a difference in taste?”

Slow Hand is the nickname of Eric Clapton, who became the god of guitar with the aesthetics of slowness.

Dave Logan is a huge Eric Clapton devotee, but he’s a funny guy who can’t play slow.

With that thought in mind, I looked back at the GOTM members.

Drummer Andrew Gunn.

Guitarist Dave Logan.

Bassist John Skye.

Keyboardist Steve Lipgren.

The team I was with was one where I could be the lead vocalist, second guitarist, second keyboardist, and second bassist… … .

‘Grammy Awards Album of the Year! And the glorious winner is… …!’

‘Gram Of The Minute!’

‘GOTM! Congratulations!’

It’s GOTM.

At that moment, I felt my mood fluctuate.

It’s strange.

Meeting people from my past life is something I am very familiar with and it is something that does not require emotional sway.

Of course, regressive depression can strike at any time.

Even the moment I released my first album after 3 months and 100 days was depressing.

But now it seems so out of the blue?

furthermore…….

I don’t feel very depressed.

I feel like a different emotion is welling up in my chest, but I can’t quite identify it.

Just then the door opened and Eddie and his manager, Alex, came in.

It looked like he had bought a bunch of pizza and french fries from somewhere.

“Did you say hello?”

“What kind of greeting would a handshake be if it were a substitute for a musical instrument?”

Dave Logan grumbles.

He seems quite upset that he can’t hear my guitar.

Well, I guess I’ll hear it soon anyway.

I shook hands with Alex, ignoring Dave Logan’s grumbling.

“How are you, Alex?”

“How have you been? I’ve been following you diligently. If I had offered you a million dollars, would you have signed with us?”

Alex, who came to Korea because of Eddie, asked me for a huge contract fee.

I will set a separate contract fee of 3 months and 100 days, and for now, I want to have the singer Han Si-on belong to HR Corporation.

Of course I refused.

Because I was thinking of working in Korea.

Alex still seemed to regret that.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have gone even if it was a million dollars, but you should at least say something nice.

“Wouldn’t you have gone for a million dollars?”

“Is it too late now?”

“It’s late. Bring about ten million dollars.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to sign with Beyoncé for that money?”

“That’s true.”

We had a laugh and a conversation, and at the end of it there was a distribution contract.

“Even if you don’t do any activities in the US, it would be nice to at least sign a distribution contract. It was a shame that there was no additional promotion when you got on the Billboard charts.”

HR is one place I’ve never worked before.

It was a mecca for the traditional white music industry, so it wasn’t a good fit for me, a person of color, to be active there.

Because if I contract with HR, those who support me might be disappointed.

But if I were to do mainstream work in Korea, HR might actually be better.

I only conveyed positive nuances while thinking like that.

“Let me think about it.”

“Come on. Let’s talk about boring stuff later. Let’s start recording. We don’t have much time.”

I shook my head at Eddie’s words.

GOTM friends are those who have a high desire for improvement and move straight toward their goals.

Even if they earn an absurd amount of money, they are the ones who think about investing it in their next album rather than thinking about how to spend it.

So that’s what I chose, and that’s what stayed with me.

I can’t trust them based on a few words from Eddie.

“Let’s play a piece.”

Saying that, he called producer Kang Seok-woo.

The camera is mounted, but they asked me to contact them if there was an event going on.

Moments later, a self-made filming crew rushed into the studio rented by HR.

Even though it’s a very large place, it’s full.

“What are you playing?”

“well.”

I still feel bad.

I’m not depressed, but should I say I’m gloomy?

No, this isn’t even depressing.

One of the reasons I still love music is because it gives me answers when I don’t know what to feel.

I picked up the guitar and started playing.

The overall framework is the same.

This is a song I made while reminiscing about GOTM when I returned, and in Korean it is titled 꾼들.

Eddie took it and arranged it, and at first I didn’t like it, but now I like the way it was arranged.

As my guitar starts to cry, I can feel Dave Logan’s expression change.

The aesthetics of slowness.

Because it felt like he was imitating Eric Clapton’s performance.

But it would be too great to be dismissed as an imitation.

Because I’ve been practicing for countless years.

Among the artists who had been quietly listening, the first to chime in was drummer Andrew Gunn.

A weird guy who loves hi-hats.

And yet he knows how to make a thunderous noise.

As soon as Andrew Gunn starts playing drums, a house is built.

The living room is filled with guitars, and the room is filled with bassists and keyboardists.

But Logan still can’t get in.

It was because I didn’t get out of the way.

I could interfere if I wanted to, but I couldn’t accept that doing so would mean ‘lowering the level’ of the performance compared to what it was now.

Dave Logan’s face turns red.

Logan also said he played guitar while suffering from hydrocephalus in a Chicago drug rehab facility.

“You don’t even need to have healthy hands. I’m already the best at this.”

He believed in his own talent even though others did not recognize it.

Actually, he was a real talent.

It will take some time for it to fully bloom though.

So this was Dave Logan’s first encounter with the wall.

Of course, I’m not saying that I’m the best guitar player on the planet.

If you just look at guitar skills, there are a few people who play better than me.

Well, I guess you could probably count them on one hand.

Isn’t it?

five fingers?

But I know very well the direction of Logan’s talent, and I can be a bigger wall than anyone else.

Regardless of Logan’s blushing face, the faces of the drummer, bassist, and keyboardist light up.

Because it’s fun to play with me.

At that moment, Logan, who couldn’t stand it any longer, intervened without hesitation.

It’s not that I’m pursuing harmony.

It’s not like you’re trying to beat me.

I just wanted to show you what my guitar is like.

From then on, it was rodeo.

I caught Logan’s guitar as he ran.

When he tried to run wild, I stopped him.

There is a difference between running and running wild.

Logan can become the best guitarist if he just learns it.

“… … !”

It might be frustrating.

Because whenever I try to go wild like usual, I interrupt with my melody.

If you ignore that, it will become dissonant, and it is unacceptable for your own performance to create dissonance.

As time passed.

“Fuck. I lost. You’re a genius.”

The performance is over.

But I didn’t stop.

This time I took the bass and repeated the same thing.

John Skye isn’t a bassist with clear strengths and weaknesses like Logan.

In some ways, it is similar to Choi Jae-seong in 3 Months and 100 Days.

A person who provides balance.

The bass is originally that kind of instrument.

What John Sky needs is not technique, but mindset.

Confidence that the bass can drive the sound.

I need to believe that I can be the main character.

The bassist then gave advice to the keyboardist on his playing.

“Fuck, does this make any sense?”

People’s reactions are heated.

It is not easy to show a variety of cases with different instruments in the same song.

Especially considering the individual characteristics of each performer.

But I could, and that seemed to surprise Eddie and Alex.

The expressions of two people come into view.

Eddie is ecstatic, Alex is disappointed.

I guess he really regretted not being able to sign a contract with me.

PD Kang Seok-woo was truly thrilled.

It may be because they can write good scenes, but Korean men around PD Kang Seok-woo’s age have a romantic notion of group sound.

Although he never showed it, I already knew that he liked the band’s sound.

Of course, the ones who were most surprised were the GOTM members.

No, it’s not GOTM anymore.

I heard they’re still deciding on a name.

At first, they showed some resistance to my playing that manipulated them, but soon they went beyond the realm of reason.

It is the realm of emotion.

But the more I played like that, the more my emotions subsided.

And then I finally realized what my feelings were.

It wasn’t depression or melancholy.

The emotion that made my heart flutter was regret.

It’s not that I regret meeting GOTM again and becoming a man.

Because I’m used to that kind of thing.

But looking at the GOTM members who have been through thick and thin together over the past several decades… … .

The three months and one hundred days came to mind.

Someday they will be like this too.

In my next life, when I challenge myself to become some other idol, the members of Sedalbaekil will have scattered.

Coming Up Next may not have debuted because it wasn’t popular, or the show may not have been produced at all.

All four of us, except me, could become trainees at Ryan Entertainment and debut as part of TakeScene’s next group.

But anyway, I will no longer be in their lives.

Even if we become the same team again, the time we spent with them will disappear forever.

So it occurred to me.

I’m probably feeling good these days.

To put it more daringly, you might be happy.

It’s not easy to objectively assess happiness, but it’s been a while since I’ve suffered from regressive depression.

The frequency of nightmares has also decreased.

But happiness doesn’t solve anything.

So, I have to challenge myself before regret sets in.

Throw away all the ordinary things.

Leaving behind the things that are taken for granted.

“… … !”

The moment that thought occurred to me, I jumped up from my seat.

When the performance suddenly stops, bassist Steve Lipgren is taken aback.

“Was my performance that bad?”

He was a timid guy.

But I shook my head.

“Now you all know what to practice? See you tomorrow at this time.”

And then he left the studio.

When I returned to my lodgings, I saw the members of Sedalbaekil playing a board game with very serious expressions on their faces.

“What? Why are you here so early?”

“Is filming finished already?”

Today is a day when even the camera isn’t set up, it’s really the same.

I opened my mouth looking at them.

“I have a favor to ask.”

“ask?”

Iion tilts his head.

“What is it?”

“Second album. I want to prepare it.”

“Second regular album?”

“yes.”

It could be just my own selfishness.

Because the members didn’t fully enjoy the success of their first album.

Even though we had such great success, we didn’t have much broadcasting activity.

But I decided to become a herdsman.

I felt like throwing a tantrum.