Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World - Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World chapter 47

47 The Importance of the Trial Period

“What’s the opposite?”

The opposite.

My life has always been full of reversals.

Of course, it’s not a reversal from falling to rising, but a reversal from happiness to unhappiness.

Happiness and unhappiness are always on the scales of fate.

There are cases where something that seems unhappy to others is happy for me, and conversely, something that I recognize as a miserable unhappiness might seem happy from another perspective.

So, how does the shift from happiness to unhappiness occur?

There was always a “decision” at the turning point.

A decision is essentially “discarding one option and betting on another,” and in essence, my life has never had a decision that didn’t backfire.

Now, under the guidance of Professor Sheila, I one day called Milim into my room and asked.

Could it be that we were—dating?

I don’t think so. I don’t think so, but I didn’t preface it with “I don’t think so, but there seems to be an objective opinion that it appears that way.”

There was a possibility of unnecessary consideration, and what I wanted to hear was Milim’s honest opinion without consideration.

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Then she replied with “on the contrary.”

On the contrary… I wonder how it is… Milim and I…

I thought of Milim as a little sister, but what exactly is a little sister… Strictly speaking, I don’t have a little sister. Milim is like a little sister, but there is no blood relation, our races are different, and if you ask if I really don’t think of her as a woman at all, it’s not to that extent.

On the contrary, what do I think of Milim—

Huh?

I wasn’t asked “on the contrary, what do you think?”

“What do you do?”

“What do you do.”

“I leave it to Rex.”

I was left.

I made Milim sit formally and began to lecture.

Is it all right, Milim-san? A relationship cannot exist without the consent of both parties. Besides, it’s an important matter. Is it right to “leave it to the other person?”

“I don’t care about that, it’s bothersome… It’s fine either way if it’s with Rex, it’s easygoing.”

That perspective didn’t exist.

Certainly—that’s true. I recognized “love” and “marriage” as things that start “new relationships.”

But, it’s fine. Milim is in my life. Going out with Milim is easygoing, and even if we’re in the same space without saying a word, it’s not awkward at all.

If we assume that my goal of being a full-time househusband continues after marriage until death, then the factor of “ease” should be given importance.

So, for me, Milim becoming my employer is nothing but beneficial.

However, within me, there was an undeniable movement of the heart.

It was called “pride.”

The thing called “pride,” which would undoubtedly be in the top three unnecessary aspects of spirituality in life, was small in my heart but desperately screaming.

“It’s truly embarrassing to be supported by Milim.”

Embarrassing.

It’s fine even if it looks bad. It would be best to live and die in a cool way. However, compromises are necessary in life.

There is no one who can live perfectly, and for someone as unlucky as me, wishing to “live perfectly” would surely be a foolish act beyond my capabilities.

Even if it looks bad, it’s better to live a carefree, long life.

Stubbornness, vanity, and pride are the three major elements that destroy oneself.

The act of “showing off” encompasses all three. Therefore, one should not try to show off.

I should cling to Milim’s leg and say, “Please support me.” Fortunately, Milim’s grades are good… There is a possibility that she will become a high earner in the future.

But there is a desperate resistance within me.

Shut up. Disappear. Even if I chant that, the stubbornness does not nod in agreement with my relationship with Milim.

…Ah, I remember.

I’ve always been like this. I’ve discarded everything unnecessary to live, but in the end, I’ve been killed by the things I couldn’t discard.

This time, I won’t die immediately.

But surely, in the future, because I didn’t choose the path of relying on Milim here, I will suffer unnecessary hardships.

That’s okay too, I laughed.

While aiming to live to the fullest, I couldn’t live a life without stubbornness, and I couldn’t choose it…

“Would you like to give it a try until high school graduation?”

…

A trial, huh?

A trial. A probation. There is less than a year until high school graduation. It seems like a reasonable trial period.

Besides, I lack experience. I am an amateur in love. Trying it out for about a year before the ninety-year real-time attack of life is important for my future.

I asked my stubbornness within myself. It’s a trial, right?

Stubbornness: “If it’s a trial, well…”

“Then, nice to meet you. If you feel like doing something that seems appropriate, tell me. If I feel like it, I will tell you.”

And so, we started our trial relationship.