Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World - Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World chapter 51

51: Self-Modification

There are three things you shouldn’t underestimate during a summer festival:

Heat.

Humidity.

Lines.

These three.

My senior, Karina, only gave me one vague piece of advice: “Just go with the flow.” She’s the type who doesn’t approach things logically, but rather relies on her instincts. So, as a senior to my junior, Milim, I want to give her some logical advice.

Firstly, let’s talk about the importance of toilets.

By the time I finished explaining, it was already time to move, so we hurriedly made our way to the festival venue.

This festival is truly flawless. Milim, who isn’t accustomed to the atmosphere, didn’t encounter any problems and it went smoothly until the end.

After it ended, we had yakiniku (grilled meat).

It was a yakiniku party where several circles joined together, apparently arranged by Karina as a promise made during the winter festival.

I become deeply moved when I think about Karina. Every time she does something, I can’t help but feel deeply moved.

In my mind, Karina was someone who “couldn’t study and couldn’t make friends.”

Those memories from back then continue to be my image of Karina, but now, she’s nowhere to be found. She’s living in her own comfortable world, living the way she wants.

Rather, it’s my image of her that needs to be updated.

Karina has grown. And… Milim, too, is growing.

We’re currently in the trial period of being lovers.

But regardless of that, there was a time when I was nervous and confused about how to handle our relationship, but our relationship with Milim has continued as before.

In my mind, Milim is still a baby.

The word “lover” has a light ring to it, like playing house, and the idea of love and marriage that comes after that seems like a distant future.

But I’m seventeen.

Considering that my parents got married when they were in their early thirties, it’s not wrong to think that marriage is still a long way off. Still, I can’t help but think, “Hasn’t seventeen years passed in the blink of an eye?”

Even though the last summer festival I attended was a year ago, it feels like it happened just a few days ago when I think back.

Even though I was born more than seventeen years ago, it feels like only a month has passed.

A change in my image was necessary.

Milim is no longer a baby, and I am no longer a child. I need to understand this not just in my head, but in my heart.

But how?

I have lived a million lives, but this type of worry has never been a concern for me.

I have never had a day where I didn’t use my head to solve a direct threat to my life, but I had no experience dealing with these various problems that are somewhat idyllic, yet if left unattended, they would slowly strangle me like a soft cotton thread.

It’s difficult even to research solutions to these types of problems.

It’s a weakness of our search society.

Concepts that cannot be easily summarized in a single word cannot be shared.

If someone, an influencer perhaps, could define and name this problem, then answers and voices of empathy saying “I’m struggling with it too” would come from everywhere. However, this complex and hard-to-understand problem cannot be easily defined, and there is no merit in defining it. So, I cannot expect that.

If I had the ability to redo the same life over and over again, I would endlessly repeat countless trials and errors, but I don’t have the same life twice in my reincarnation.

Even though I know it’s futile, thoughts of resentment towards the omniscient and omnipotent existence come to mind. Whenever I’m troubled by an unsolvable problem, my thinking spins in circles, in other words, when there is no answer, my thoughts just keep running in circles.

Summer fades away, and the short autumn passes, and before I knew it, I turned eighteen.

My breath turns white, and the city starts preparing for the Holy Maiden’s Festival illumination, and the eager public starts displaying products for the festival on store shelves.

Suddenly, I received a message from “her”.