Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World - Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World chapter 65

65: Friends Reunited

The name Sheila had become nostalgic for various reasons.

We pursued different majors, and our relationship was based on competing in test scores, so when the ‘tests’ disappeared, naturally, our connection also disappeared.

So, when she contacted me at the end of the year, it surprised me, and I was on guard about the purpose.

We were rivals.

We had cooperated at times, but fundamentally, we were in opposition.

“Are you going to become a teacher?”

From noble mtl dot net

That was a consultation about my future, and I was at a loss for an answer.

I was hesitating. I was troubled. At this rate, I would ‘somehow’ become a teacher. Well, in the first place, I entered this university and this major to become a teacher, so that was the future I had chosen for myself.

However, I also had dreams of being a ‘full-time househusband,’ a ‘parasite,’ or a nursery teacher, and each of those was still within reach.

But soon I would be a third-year student. Then the time for decision-making would approach, and I would have to give up one of the options.

And… I have never had such a consultation with Milim.

While we could be together vaguely, we did not have the kind of relationship for serious discussions.

Sheila’s presence might help me resolve my concerns about the future.

So, I responded to her suggesting to ‘meet and talk directly.’ Besides, it felt like Sheila also wanted that.

The conversation progressed smoothly, and we were already planning to meet that weekend.

At the designated café, Sheila, whom I met after a long time, seemed to have lost her somewhat masculine air, and from a distance, she looked like a young lady, dressed in a feminine and modest manner.

Her vibrant red hair still bounced as before, but it no longer exuded the aggressive vibe of the past; there seemed to be a smoothness to it.

“Long time no see.”

We awkwardly exchanged greetings.

For a while, we engaged in trivial conversation, exchanging information about what we had been up to during the year and a bit that we hadn’t seen each other.

By the time we succumbed to the pressure from the waiter and ordered our second round of drinks, the conversation finally shifted to our career paths.

Sheila was attending what is commonly known as a women’s university. Apparently, due to the atmosphere at the school, it was difficult for men to enter, even though it had become coeducational due to the declining birthrate. Sheila mentioned that the low male ratio despite the coeducation was a failure of the school’s marketing strategy—something along those lines.

She seemed to have doubts, or rather, resistance, towards the policies and methods of the university she was currently attending.

Do you dislike the university you’re attending now?

“…Well, it’s more like I entered to save face for my parents. I wouldn’t say I like it.”

That institution—from the nursery school we attended to the university, it was a huge campus with quite a few children from affluent families.

Sheila, too, seemed to be troubled by the issues of the affluent class—politics, entanglements, patriarchal control, and the like.

Hmm… that’s a relief.

“Why’s that?”

Because there are truly a lot of sparkling people around me.

Anna has achieved her dreams. After they came true, her dreams seem to be quite challenging, but she occasionally sends letters that indicate she’s fulfilled.

Martin seems to be leading a stereotypical campus life. He’s bright and cheerful, and he’s probably doing well at the other university. We still keep in touch, but I think he’ll soon become so busy that he won’t have time for that.

Karina has started walking the path of a manga artist. There are more manga artists these days, but still, it’s rare to be approached by the commercial side. And Karina seems to be securing a place on the commercial side somehow. I have a feeling her life will roll along smoothly.

Amidst all this, Sheila alone seems to be stuck, bound by entanglements, troubled, and at a standstill.

Seeing a comrade after a long time, I couldn’t help but feel happy.

“A comrade, huh. I thought you didn’t have any troubles… Hey, you’ve always liked making plans, haven’t you?”

I don’t like it.

What do you call it? A habit?

Most people would find it difficult to stop breathing.

I, too, feel anxious and uncomfortable if I don’t plan.

“Hmm, surprising.”

At that point, the conversation paused, and our new drinks were brought to us.

I had a sweet drink, and Sheila had a bitter one.

“…I wonder, are you still aiming to be a full-time househusband?”

It’s something that will eventually…

I stated frankly.

I don’t know the “answer.”

I only aim to live long, and as the best occupation I could think of, I found being a househusband.

But I don’t even know if that’s right.

Yes, I wanted someone to assure me, “The path you’ve chosen is the right one.”

I’m seeking only the correct answer. I’m only attaching importance to whether it’s the right answer or not.

But there’s no one who can say to me, “Your life is the right answer.”

Whether something I thought was the right answer three years ago will still seem the same thirty years later, or whether something I thought was wrong can change after a long time, I don’t know.

I want to know the answer I won’t know until I die before I die.

But because there’s no way to know such a thing—I’m anxious every day, troubled every day, and spend each day unable to decide anything.

“…I might feel the same way.”

I think the majority of people feel that way.

But I lose my confidence. Because everyone around me is shining brightly. They move forward as if they know what they should do, without any hesitation.

It makes me anxious too. “Are we, who are ordinary and have no dreams big enough to stake our lives on, somewhere making a mistake?”

Well—whether my worries are in the majority or the minority, it doesn’t matter.

Whether majority or minority, the fact that I’m troubled doesn’t change, and knowing whether I’m in the majority or minority doesn’t bring any relief.

From noble mtl dot net

So, when it comes to talking about the future, I don’t have anything to tell you beyond wanting to know the answer.

I’m sorry.

“…I see. But well, it’s reassuring to know that there are others troubled in the same way.”

It seems that Sheila is surrounded by only shining people.

…Ah, no. It’s the opposite for me.

People at Sheila’s university have their future all laid out on a solid track, and they move forward without any hesitation—

But Sheila is not like that.

It seemed like that was the case.

“Shall we hang out again sometime?”

Yeah, let’s, I said.

In that way, she said.

We parted ways, each paying for our own drinks, while it was still early in the day, saying “See you later.”

Sheila and I resumed our relationship in that way.

Surely, I think this kind of relationship will continue.