Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World - Having Reincarnated a Million Times I Won’t Let My Guard Down Even in a Peaceful World chapter 72

72: Into the Unknown**

Even after determining the direction to move forward, the feeling of being lost still lingered.

I wrestled with it every day.

Certainly, either my own experiences or intuition made me understand that “this choice here will have a lifelong impact.”

Or maybe I just think that way.

I have experienced many times that choices that seemed significant at the time turned out to be surprisingly trivial.

The problem is, at this moment, whether this choice is significant or trivial can only be determined by looking back in the future.

From noble mtl dot net

You can make predictions, but you can’t make definitive decisions—life is constantly new and challenging.

Anyway, I have already lived for an unusually long time of twenty-one years.

I’ll consider the choices I’ve made up to this point mostly correct and want to live believing in myself.

After the bitterly cold winter ended, it quickly became hot, and while I was handing over my part-time job, autumn crept in and passed in an instant.

I enjoyed busy days willingly.

Because I was confused and worried. If I let my mind wander, a heavy anxiety would weigh on me, so I threw myself into busyness to shake it off.

Amidst the busyness, I had thoughts of my own.

I don’t want to work, but I want to be busy.

This was a completely unexpected state of mind.

Being busy means not having time. I should have thought that having “free time” reduces stress and, in turn, extends lifespan. I had thought that I wanted a life with as little busyness as possible.

However, as I went on little trips, engaged in activities in preparation for employment, handed over my part-time job, and helped others with their tax returns, I started to feel a sense of fulfillment.

This sense of fulfillment seems to be an important factor for living.

To be fulfilled is to say that one is “satisfied”. Recognizing one’s own existence in the interactions with others, feeling the pleasant fatigue and crawling into bed. Eating something delicious in moderation, enjoying attractions, going to events.

In my life so far, I thought that such a busy life was “unattainable”.

Or rather, a “fun and bustling life” was something I had no connection to.

My million lives were locally bustling.

Not in the sense of “squealing” or “wow”. It was a kind of bustling that felt like “clanging”.

In other words—up until now, a “noisy situation” meant “being on the brink of death”.

But in this life, no matter how bustling it may be… I don’t feel any danger to my life.

That’s right, I just don’t want to die. If I don’t die, that’s good enough.

It’s twisted. To focus on the purpose of “surviving” and suppress myself… if I were to die early due to that stress, it would be meaningless.

I’m about to start my new job soon.

From now on, life will become busy and bustling. With doubts, worries, expectations, and anxieties in tow, time continues to move at a constant speed. I still haven’t reached a conclusion amidst the confusion, and rather, it feels like I’ve been reducing the time I spend considering the “right choices” for my future. But even so, I will become a teacher starting this spring. Whether I can truly become an adult, even after becoming one, I probably still won’t know.