I Raised Snow White! - I Raised Snow White chapter 85

85. What should I do?

[Episode 85] – What should I do?

Immediately after her dance, Titania went to the ‘lounge’ for a moment to cool off the heat that had risen to the tips of her heads.

A place where young ladies can fix their makeup or make-up, or take a break. Since it was her personal space, Titania lay down on the sofa and left her body to her without being noticed.

“Ha…”

Titania, who was lying down on the sofa looking at the ceiling, took off her shoes and hugged her cushion on the sofa tightly. Titania didn’t care at all whether her well-groomed hair was a mess or her dress was wrinkled.

If someone saw this, they would have criticized the princess and said, ‘You’re really rude!’, But Titania was the only one in the lounge right now. And, if she didn’t relax like this, her complicated mind made her feel like she wanted to cry right now.

What on earth is this? This feeling you have for your mother is ‘love’? That love, a word only used when lovers are in love in novels?

She just hates the idea of her mother giving affection to another daughter, and she only wants that affection to be directed to her.

Do you mean ‘jealousy’ that comes from love? Really, as my mother said, this is the love you feel when you love your ‘lover’? Me, the daughter, to my mother?

‘It doesn’t make sense… I, a daughter, feel affection for my mother. Besides, she and my mother are both women? Even in books, men and women love each other, but women don’t love each other, right?’

Titania denied and denied again.

They said it couldn’t happen and that it didn’t make sense in the first place. Titania denied her feelings for now. She thought it was strange that she could determine what this feeling was just by hearing her mother’s words when she couldn’t even know her own mind in the first place…

It was also true that she sympathized with her mother’s words. She didn’t want her mother to approach another lady. She also thinks that she wishes her mother would only look at her and not her other daughters. She was certain that such thoughts had taken hold in her own mind.

“Ah!!”

Titania writhed on the sofa again, shaking with shame.

She struggled and turned her body over a few times, then looked up at her ceiling and sighed. For a moment, she thought her mind would calm down, but then she started kicking the air with her feet due to an unknown anger boiling inside her.

‘If only my mother hadn’t said strange things in the first place! What on earth is love?! She’s a hug, so kiss her lips! ‘It’s all because my mother said strange things!’

As Titania flailed her feet in the air as if kicking the blanket that wasn’t even covering her, a ray of her memory flashed through her mind. Her recollection was that she asked her mother ‘what her love was, and that she was herself’.

She asked her mother, and in a strange situation where she got angry, Titania, annoyed by everything about her, sank down on her sofa and became sullen.

Maybe it’s good?

Titania closed her eyes tightly and began to think.

How can we prove that this feeling is not ‘love’? In the first place, is this really ‘love’? Could it be that she is simply mistaking this feeling she feels for her mother for ‘family love’?

‘Yes, it will definitely happen. Wouldn’t she be jealous if her mother, with whom she had lived her whole life, gave affection to someone other than her own daughter? Isn’t it a stretch to call her in love with that? Yes? Is that it?

Titania asked and answered alone, nodding her head.

She said that she just mistook this feeling for ‘family love’, that she was mistaken because she was a foolish child who loved her mother too much, so she said that this feeling was her illusion, and Titania was her tried to compromise his feelings.

As she tried to believe that all these feelings were an illusion, a question seemed to arise in her mind. It was as if she was asking another version of herself in her mind.

‘Then, is it okay for your mother to give affection to someone else? ‘I’m all grown up, I’m not a child anymore, so she’s okay with my mother leaving me and loving someone else?’

‘……’

‘Is it okay for my mother to share love with someone else, like the main character in the novel? She holds hands with someone other than me, kisses lips with someone other than me, with someone other than me…’

Jump up!

Titania, her face bright red, stood up straight away.

Her eyes became watery due to the emotions boiling inside her. As soon as she thought of her mother doing that, that, that with someone else, Titania burst into tears.

Titania is only 13 years old, but she already knows everything she knows. She had learned in class that children are not born by fairies, but that a man and a woman are born in this way.

Her mother told her that she must receive s*x education before entering the academy, so she had no choice but to listen. Although the content of her class itself was embarrassing, she didn’t think much of it at the time.

I knew it because I read it as a romance novel to begin with. The content of the s*x education class specialized in sensual scenes in novels. But your mother is doing it with someone else? What do people who love each other do?

Titania ran her hands down her face, then rubbed the wet corners of her eyes with the backs of her hands and swallowed her saliva.

When she thought of her mother doing something like that with someone else, she became irritated to the point of nausea. Not that she was annoyed at her mother for doing such things. She said the person she was irritated with was…

‘Ah.’

Suddenly, Titania closed her eyes.

She felt like she was going to cry at any moment and didn’t know what to do. She asks how this is ‘family love’, how this is how ‘her children’ can feel towards their mother, and Titania cannot raise her head because of her overwhelming self-doubt.

‘How can this be…?’

The person she was irritated with was not her mother, but the ‘someone’ holding her mother. Besides, this feeling I had for that someone was all too familiar.

Titania knew this feeling better than anyone else. Well, it’s only been a few hours since she became aware of this feeling herself.

The feeling that Titania had towards the faceless ‘someone’ in her imagination was none other than ‘jealousy.’ A jealousy so intense that it felt like all my internal organs were going to burst.

Titania even became jealous of the imaginary being she came up with. The fact was so outrageous that Titania burst out laughing as she lay down on her sofa.

From noble mtl dot com

‘What on earth do I want to do with my mother? I am…’

As I was wallowing in self-destruction, I heard someone knocking on the break room door. Moreover, the door started to open without even telling me to come in.

Titania cursed under her breath, and she quickly got up and sat down modestly. Then, a familiar mask stuck its head out through the crack in her door.

“Titania, may I come in? Oh, don’t worry about what other people think. “I made sure there was no one around.”

“Uh, mother…”

When she saw the wolf mask peeking through the crack in the door, Titania’s shoulders, which had been tense, began to drop. As Titania let out a brief sigh of relief, Vivian sneaked into her lounge and took a seat on the sofa.

“Are you still tired?”

“Oh, no… I’m okay now…”

“…? Okay? “You still look tired to me.”

Titania burst out laughing at those words.

She nodded her head gently, saying that lying doesn’t work on her mother either.

Then, her mother let out a weary sigh and took off the she-wolf mask she was wearing and placed it on her table. Her face was like my mother’s usual, but her hair was black because she was wearing a wig, so she felt something strange.

“Why are you looking so intently?”

“… It’s my first time seeing my mother wearing her wig.”

“Really? Then take a look now. I won’t use it again from now on. This thing is more itchy than I thought. “To the point where I want to take it off right away.”

Vivian sighed deeply and was about to take off her wig, but then stopped. It would definitely be cooler if I took it off, but it was too cumbersome to put it back on.

Titania, who was allowed to look at her face like that, calmly engraved her mother’s face on her retina. Among her mother’s beautiful features as usual, the thing that caught her eye the most was for some reason her mother’s lips.

Titania couldn’t take her eyes off Vivian’s lips. As she continued to look at her mother’s lips, she seemed to keep feeling the soft texture of her lips and the feeling of their small wrinkles on the back of her hand, and Titania realized that without realizing it, she was seeing her mother’s lips. I wiped the back of my hand that had touched it.

Then, quite naturally, the thought occurred to her that she wished her mother would place her lips on the back of her hand just one more time. When that thought occurred to her, Titania slapped the back of her hand in surprise at what she had imagined! She pinched herself.

‘Am I really crazy?’

Titania shook her head to get rid of her bad thoughts. She had never looked at her mother with ‘those eyes’ in her entire life. She really wasn’t there, I swear.

The reason she was having these bad thoughts was because she had strange fantasies about her mother earlier, and because she read too many romance novels. Titania sighed as she thought about this.

Vivien looked at Titania with her worried eyes as Titania continued to let out a sigh as her land disappeared. As her mother, there was no way Vivian would not have noticed Titania’s abnormality in her.

Vivian gently lifted her hand and placed it on Titania’s forehead. She checked the temperature in her palm to see if she had a fever, but she didn’t seem to have a fever, so she was glad.

“Titania, you’re really okay, right? “Isn’t it painful somewhere?”

“Gwae, it’s okay. “I’m just tired…”

“…Bearing pain is the most foolish thing to do. “If you have any pain, please tell me anytime.”

“……”

Ah. I’m really going crazy.

Titania felt heat boiling in her body every time her skin touched Vivian’s. The trigger was her mother’s plump lips, and it was an affectionate gesture as usual. Those kind eyes and hand gestures seemed to be driving me crazy today.

Titania glanced up and looked at her mother’s lips. I wanted to feel that feeling when those lips touched the back of my hand just one more time. But, how? How do you ask your mother?

Titania hesitated for a moment, then a bad idea came to mind. She knew this wasn’t a good idea, but it was all her fever-ridden brain could think about.

“Uh, mother… I think I’m sick…”

“…As expected, where does it hurt? Sick? Headache? “We need to bring a doctor quickly…”

“Well, that’s not it…! There is no need for a member of the National Assembly…! Well, just…”

Titania, her face bright red, pursed her lips and gently extended one of her hands to her mother. The bad thoughts that popped into her head were her way of trading off her own shame.

“Uh, I think I’ll get better if my mother gives me a kiss… I guess…?”

“……”

A truly absurd look.

Titania’s face turned so red that it couldn’t get any redder as her mother looked at her as if she was absolutely ridiculous, asking since when did you show me this cuteness? She thought it was ridiculous, but she couldn’t think of any other way.

Her shame filled me and tears came to my eyes. The moment when Titania was about to pull back her outstretched hand, at the same time thinking that she wanted to hide wherever she could.

“…Since when did my daughter become such a cute girl?”

I felt a familiar touch on the back of my hand along with the sound. It hurts as if my heart is being squeezed, and a pleasant heat spreads from the part where it touches. Titania smiled at that feeling and looked at her Vivian.

But honestly, this alone was not enough. No, I couldn’t be satisfied with this because it was too lacking.

Her shame had now fallen and she could not be picked up. So, Titania could become more confident. No, she could be shameless. Even if she asked for a more provocative request, she was not embarrassed because she had already put aside her shame.

“W-Is it possible to go here too?”

Titania tapped her lips. Vivian stiffened as if she was embarrassed by that appearance, but then she smiled and looked at Titania.

‘Are you saying that you’re acting cute because of the other ladies? Since that incident when I was ten, I have never even touched those lips, let alone kissed them.’

However, Vivian said she couldn’t help it because her child wanted it, so she gently raised her head and gently rubbed her lips against Titania’s. There was a very brief sound, and then her lips parted.

“There’s a lot of cuteness today.”

The sight of her mother’s crescent-shaped eye smile, the slight touch of her lips against hers, took Titania’s breath away.

And soon, the complicated emotions inside me began to unravel.

‘……Oh, I see.’

This wasn’t just a matter of words like love or family love.

This feeling she felt while looking at her mother was not simply a feeling she felt because she loved her mother as a woman, nor was it a feeling she felt because she loved her mother because she was her parent.

Just…

I just love you because you are ‘Vivian’.

It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother or the same s*x.

I love your very existence.

I like ‘Vivian’ who loves me.

I love ‘Vivian’ who is there for me.

Titania suddenly hugged Vivian.

It was just a normal hug, but for some reason it felt different than usual. I could clearly feel my mother’s body, my mother’s heartbeat, everything about my mother that I had not been interested in until now.

“Mother…”

“Huh?”

“Do you love me?”

Vivian sighed softly at that question.

Vivian answered, saying that from now on, she should not kiss other ladies on the lips, and that she had no idea that Titania would be such a jealous child. She gently stroked Titania’s hair as if soothing her whining child.

“Then, I love you more than anything in the world. “The only child I love is you.”

Titania, who had buried her head in her chest, lifted her head, met Vivian’s eyes, and smiled brightly.

“Me too.”

Sincerely.

“I only love my mother.”