I Was Sick of Loving You - I Was Sick of Loving You chapter 44

44 – A crushing dream

I had a dream today too.

Today’s dream was very different from my usual dreams. The scene that was repeated every day in my usual dream was not visible, and a red rain fell in the dark world. The red rain filled the world in the endless darkness, and the reddened world gathered into one point, becoming a woman wearing a wide-brimmed red hat. The woman grabbed my wrist and dragged me somewhere.

The hands of the woman who was dragging me were cold as ice and ominous. I tried to cut off the woman’s hand, but my body wouldn’t listen. The body that did not listen was simply dragged along where the woman led.

After being dragged around for a long time, a red door appeared in the dark world. The woman opened the door and pushed me in.

The dark world disappeared from sight, and a pure white world unfolded. The pure white world gradually began to take shape, and after a while, the familiar scenery of the room unfolded.

A baby’s cry is heard from a familiar room. I looked to the place where the cries were heard, and there I was. Another me was holding a baby in my arms and looking down at the baby with an expressionless face.

“You will be like me.”

I looked at the baby, said that, and left. The scattered me reappeared again, holding a baby in my arms. The baby was smiling differently than the first baby, and was reaching out to me. I didn’t look at that figure, I was staring blankly into space.

“It must have been delayed.”

I ignored the baby in my arms, talked about work in a dry voice, and left. I was scattered, and the familiar room was also scattered.

The landscape is reconstructed, and the all-too-familiar scene of the room comes into view. That familiar room was my father’s office when I was young. I showed up in my father’s office, going through the papers.

As I was going through the papers, the door opened. The door opened, and a blue-haired boy about 5 or 6 years old and a brown-haired girl about 3 or 4 years old entered.

“mom! This is the picture I drew today.”

“I drew a flower garden.”

“… Well done.”

At the bright voices of children calling me mother, I threw out a dry word and looked over the documents again. The children’s expressions became a little depressed, and the children and I separated. Why is my heart throbbing?

I appeared again in the same room, and the children who had grown a little more appeared.

“Mom, I did all the homework you gave me.”

“I did it too.”

“Yes, leave it and go.”

I didn’t even look at the kids, I threw out dry words. Shadows appeared on the children’s faces. The children and I dispersed again. The throbbing turned into pain.

I appeared again in the same room, and the children whose breasts had lost a little bit came to me with flowers.

“Mother, happy birthday.”

“congratulations!”

“Yes, thank you.”

Despite the children’s congratulations, I did not take my eyes off the paperwork and answered in a dry voice. At that insipid answer, the children’s faces darkened. The shaded children left flowers, letters, and small boxes.

Time passed and I was still looking at the papers. Then the door opened and the children came in again.

“Mom, I brought homework today.”

This time, only the boy spoke, and the girl cried while looking at the flowers, letters, and small boxes that were lying there, and could not speak.

“Yes, leave it.”

The children left behind the tightly written paper. Then, a cry was heard from beyond the door. The cry continued to linger in my ears, increasing the pain.

After some time, the door opened and a man whose face was hidden entered.

“Iris, isn’t it too much for your children? Do you know how the children prepared today?”

“I do not know. And I never asked for it.”

“Are you… serious?”

“yes.”

The man’s lips were cut by his teeth, and blood flowed. And the man and I dispersed. The blood shed by the man did not dissipate, but flew towards me and permeated me. Blood seeped in, and the man’s emotions flowed in. The feeling was so heavy and sad that it was hard to bear.

When I was struggling with that feeling, I appeared again, and the children who had grown up were sitting in front of me.

“The time has come for me to tell you the story of my family.”

What my father had told me, I, a little older, said the same thing.

“We gradually lose our emotions. A lot of confusion arises along the way. For example, an obsession to not let go of emotions.”

“Mother, why is that confusing?”

At the end of the boy who asked the same question as me in the past, I said the same thing as my father.

“Emotions are worthless, useless weaknesses. By the way, if obsessing over such things is not chaos, what is it?”

The children made faces that did not agree with my words.

“Yeah, I thought the same as you. But, in time, you will find out too. Emotions are worthless, useless weaknesses.”

After that, time passed so quickly that the children’s growth was visible. As the time passed, the smiles gradually faded from the children’s faces. Seeing that, the pain grows again.

The children’s laughter was completely gone, and the children and I were separated. And my father’s office was also scattered.

The scattered scenery came together again, and the hallway in front of the room that I came out of every day in my dreams spread out. And sobs came from beyond the door. At the sound of those sobs, the pain swelled up like it would explode.

At the same time as the swelling pain, the older me appeared and murmured.

“Evan… Elijah…”

Hearing that name for the first time is somehow familiar, lingering in my head and etched into a corner of my heart.

Those names were engraved, and the pain that had swelled up like it was about to burst exploded. The bursting pain weighs down on me, blurring my thoughts.

In the pain of blurring even thoughts, everything disappeared and darkness came. In the darkness that came back, the woman I had never seen before reappeared.

“Are you very sick?”

Due to the pain that weighed on me, I couldn’t even answer the woman’s question.

“Do you want to be comfortable?”

Those words sounded so sweet.

“It’s okay if you don’t answer. I’ll make it easy for you soon.”

After those words, an ominous and eerie laugh was heard from somewhere, and everything in the world became blurred and the pain was also blurred.

Beyond the blurred world, darkness comes and the darkness dissipates. The darkness dissipated, and I woke up from my dream.

Waking up from the dream, I called the names of the children I saw in the dream, unable to completely shake it off.

“Evan, Ellie.”

It’s not unfamiliar, it’s clear that I’ve heard it somewhere, but I can’t remember it well. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t remember it, so I put it out of my head for a while.

I ignored the toxic strange dream today and prepared to leave.

As I prepared to leave, it was noon when the sun rose in mid-sky. Even though it was noon, I was somewhat hazy and waited for Rachel and Alric, who hadn’t come out yet.

A little bit of time passed, and I saw Rachel and Alric coming here. And one memory passed by.

The mountain on the night he asked me to break up our engagement, the image of him weeping comes to mind like a photograph. The image of him making a small grave and laying flowers and weeping. And the name heard in his howl.

“Evan, Elijah.”

Those words ring in my ears, and the pain I felt in my dream comes up. The pain that came back makes my mind foggy.

“Good morning. Lady Gong.”

‘Are you… serious?’

His voice overlaps with the voice of the man whose face was hidden from the dream. And I thought they both had the same voice. With that thought in mind, he said goodbye one beat slowly.

“… yes, good morning.”

He looked at me with worried eyes. While that gaze was nice, it was difficult because it reminded me of the man’s emotions that flowed from my dream.

“Where are you bad?”

“It’s just that I’ve had a bit of sleep. Rather, could you give me a moment when I get back?”

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Lying to him, asking for his time, wanting to deny the dream.

“I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

After the conversation with him, the mind becomes hazy from the pain of the dream that keeps pressing down, and the world becomes blurry.

In a hazy world, hazy time passes. It was evening, and he was sitting in front of me.

What did I just say? I don’t remember.

As I was thinking about my hazy memories, he opened his mouth.

“Princess, what are you talking about?”

He hesitated for a moment at his words. Isn’t it just making a fuss with a dream? How should I ask, so he won’t think I’m strange?

Other than that, many thoughts passed by, and after much thought, he opened his mouth.

“Hmm… I’m going to tell you something out of the blue, but don’t worry too much about it.”

“All right.”

“Do you know who Evan and Ellie are?”

After my words were over, his calm expression broke, and the tea he was holding in his mouth spewed out toward the floor.

The pain and emotions of the man who had flowed into the figure gradually become clearer. The dream, which became clearer as time passed, weighed on me and made it difficult. In those sensations, I thought that hearing his answer would make my dream clearer, so I hurriedly opened my mouth.

“Forget what you just said.”

After saying that, I left him flustered and ran out of my room.