I Was Sick of Loving You

52 – Returned memories, emotions, and guilt

Memories of the previous life return along with emotions.

The current life and the previous life were mixed, and I was able to understand the incomprehensible dream and his actions.

I came out of the dream and understood why the children were so sick and sad.

I understood why he acted awkwardly at the first meeting. I understood why he had destroyed my pride.

Suddenly shed tears and understood his behavior when he said to break up the marriage. I realized why I cried so sadly in the mountains that day.

I understood his attitude of being embarrassed and trying to push me away. I came to understand the meaning of the distraught expression he made while looking at me.

all because of my fault because of my sins

Because I did not understand his feelings and ignored his heart and gave him irreparable wounds.

Because of that, even the children were weighed down with guilt. Because of that, my presence alone hurt him and made him suffer.

All of those thoughts become guilt, weigh me down, and break my heart. Because of the pain from a broken heart, I let go of the sword in my hand.

He who was created by the ordeal gave me the sword that had fallen to the ground and handed it to me.

The look in his eyes that I hand over to him is the same as his in the previous life, so it makes my sins clearer. And the words he said in front of my eyes echo in my head.

‘Yellow tulips mean vain love, unrequited love. It is a flower for me.’

The first night I met him. The flower he was holding in the garden was a yellow tulip. His face, holding a yellow tulip and making a sad expression, flickers in front of his eyes.

vain love. crush. His expression, holding a flower that resembles his life of not being understood by his wife and children, turns into guilt and weighs me down.

All the memories I didn’t understand turn into guilt and weigh me down. I couldn’t handle it and was crushed and sat down to vomit the pain.

“If it’s difficult, would you like to give up?”

The lie created by the ordeal asked me. He vomited out the pain at the question and nodded his head.

Even if I know that the person in front of me is a lie, I can’t stab him. I can’t even handle the sins that have already piled up, but just thinking about him makes me so sick and sad. How could I pierce his image? I can’t.

“If you give up now, you are forever disqualified. Are you sure you want to give up?”

He nodded his head at the question asked again.

“All right. I will end the ordeal.”

With those words, a light engulfed me. The light that swallowed me scattered, and the huge stone statue I saw before the ordeal began came into view.

And in that place, a landscape that tore my heart to pieces unfolded.

Arms and legs torn from blood and flesh scattered on the floor. Cloudy eyes and feeble breathing that seemed to stop at any moment. That was the condition of the one I love.

I rushed over to him with death hanging over him and put a potion in his mouth. His neck doesn’t move. The potion in your mouth does not disappear.

“Please… swallow me. Give me a chance to atone.”

Even with that cry, his neck doesn’t move. heart breaks down On the other hand, the heart was broken, and the desperation grew in size.

Amid conflicting emotions, I slightly lifted his neck to make it easier to swallow. Only then did his neck move and he swallowed the potion.

The potion flowed down his throat, a little light returned to his clouded eyes, and his punctured breathing calmed down a bit.

However, his damaged body did not recover. The blood has stopped, but the flesh and skin have been cut off, and the tattered arms and legs are still there. The color of his face is as pale as that of someone who is about to die.

Seeing that, I picked up the potion that was rolling next to him and bit it into his mouth. As the potion flowed into his mouth, he felt warmth on his cheek.

His hand caressed my cheek and wiped away the tears. His eyes as he wiped away my tears were so warm that they pierced my heart.

Why… why are you looking at me like that? I… gave you an indelible wound.

Blood gushed out of his pierced heart and flowed into his eyes. Even if blood poured out endlessly, his warm warmth did not stop because it hurt.

Because of his deep guilt, he felt even the warmth as pain, and his mouth opened as he was coughing up blood.

“Why are you crying so sadly?”

From his kind words, his heart comes through and makes my sins heavy. Because of the pain that comes from that sin, I want to hug him and cry, but I can’t. I see a body that looks like it will break at any moment, I can’t do that. I just embraced my sins and vomited blood.

I was able to open my mouth only when the guilt that had burst out had subsided a little, very little.

“Why… do you do this? Don’t you hate me?”

A smile spread across his face. Even that smile made my guilt clear.

“I don’t hate you. Rather, I love you.”

why are you so stupid Why… don’t hate those who hurt you, but say you love them. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve it

“I… have given you an irreparable wound.”

“I have never been hurt like that.”

He lied and hid his wounds. I hate that look. That look made me even more sick.

Hide your wounds and don’t embrace them alone. Rather vomit your wounds at me. curse me and get angry

Please… don’t hurt yourself alone. let me bear my sins

Those thoughts made me open my mouth.

“Don’t lie! I have neglected your love I did not accept your efforts and imprisoned you.”

There was a bit of sadness in his eyes.

“…remember?”

“Yeah… I remember everything.”

“I see… Even so, I don’t hate you.”

Those words weigh me down.

“Why… why do you say that? I… I to you…”

I have committed an unforgivable sin against you. Why are you so kind to me?

The thought added weight to the guilt, and the stabbed and torn heart was sore, and the blood gushed out violently.

Warmth touches your cheeks. The warmth comforted my wounded heart, but also made my sins clearer.

“I was sick of loving you. I felt like dying. However, the life of loving you wasn’t just painful.”

Every single word of his heart reaches me. It is warm yet painful.

“I was happy to have sword to sword with you. The time I expressed love to you was happy. I was happy to have the children you gifted me with. So, don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s all because of the curse…”

Too warm, his words that make my sins heavy do not follow. his mouth stopped. His words are cut off and his heart is broken.

“Alik! Alik!”

I call his name, but there is no answer from him. Only faint breathing is heard.

Potions, we need more potions.

Thinking of that, I rummaged through the bag, poured it into his mouth, and sprayed it on his wounds, but consciousness did not return.

“Please… please stay alive. If you give me life, I will live for you. I will live to atone for you for the rest of my life. So please… live.”

With a desperate heart, I used the last potion. His consciousness, which has already been cut off, does not return.

Only feeble breathing and feeble heartbeat are heard. The sounds tore apart the heart, and urgency was born from the torn pieces.

That desperation caused me to panic. He carefully lifted him up and headed for Rachel outside.

“Brothers and sisters. You’re coming out now…”

Her words stopped, and her face turned pale. There is no time to consider such things. he is dying

“Quickly take the potion.”

“It’s useless as a potion.”

Her words broke even the sense of urgency.

“That… what do you mean?”

“For now, hand over brother. I’ll make a makeshift solution.”

She hugged Alik. Warmth disappears from your hands, and coldness and pain come over you,

As she hugged him, she muttered something incomprehensible. With that murmur, light flowed from her dagger. The shape of the light-emitting dagger scattered, and blue light enveloped him.

The blue light took the form of a coffin and embraced him.

“It will be fine for a while.”

“So, is he okay?”

“no. I borrowed the power of the sacred object to stop the brother’s time.”

“How long can you stop?”

“On my own, about a month is the limit.”

“That’s enough. In a month, you can return to the empire and be treated by Her Highness the Princess.”

That thought was shattered by her next words.

“Even an apostle of Armis-sama would be impossible. The brother’s wounds were cut with the sacrificial sword created by the creator god, so even if he can’t, he needs the help of someone with the status of a demigod.”

Her words stifle hope.

“First, go to the Holy Land. The High Priestess will be able to help.”

“Wouldn’t it take a month just to go there?”

“The high priest will take care of that.”

“…Yes, let’s go to the Holy Land.”

He spat out those words and carried the coffin that held him on his back. Feeling his weight, I chanted in my heart.

There are many things to apologize to you for, and many things to be thankful for. Beyond that, there are many things to say. So, bear with me for a little while. i will definitely save you my savior