I Was Sick of Loving You - I Was Sick of Loving You chapter 53

53 – Evening Primrose

It’s already been ten days since you fell.

Ah, I said this in the morning, so you must know. I’m saying the same thing, and I’m really out of my mind…

Okay, I’ll stop talking about this and talk about the surrounding scenery.

It is an open field in all directions, and a place where a low water stream flows. If you look around, there is a tree that has grown lonely. It is a mysterious tree that does not lose its green leaves even in winter.

When I saw that tree, I thought of you. I thought of you, who persevered in your will regardless of the circumstances around you.

And it turns out, you’ve loved plants since the old days. Even when I went on an expedition to subdue barbarians, when I saw a plant I hadn’t seen before, I would gather leaves or berries and smile lightly. And later I found out about them and told them to me.

Yes… If you had seen this tree too, you would have liked it because it was your first time seeing it.

I will collect it for you. When you wake up later, as in the old days, you will tell me the story of this tree.

I couldn’t tell you in the past, but I liked the time you talked about plants. So, share that time with me again…

Oh, how far did I say? Yes, I was talking about the surrounding scenery.

Besides that tree, there are quite a few grasses that I have never seen before. There are grasses that are as tall as you, and grasses that roll around in a ball.

Come to think of it, there are flowers that have not bloomed even when preparing for the night, but have bloomed under the moonlight. It’s a beautiful flower with yellow petals bathed in moonlight.

Rachel looked at it and said it was an evening primrose. It is a flower that blooms when the moon is received, so it was named that way.

Every time I was in the listening position, but I feel strange that I am explaining to you… I was talking again and it leaked the other way. I’m sorry. It’s because my heart is complicated these days, so please understand.

I will finish the story of the evening primrose. They say there is a legend about flowers, but I forgot that because I spilled it. next time you let me know

The evening primrose next to you right now is yellow, but Rachel said there are also pink ones. Next time I find it, I’ll get that too.

And the flower language is different depending on the color. Yellow waits. Pink is unspoken love. I liked it because it resembles you and me in the last life.

You, who waited endlessly for you, and I, who had a crush on you but didn’t express it.

Saying this… I’m disgusting. Do you think so too? I’ll listen a little longer though.

I didn’t tell you, but I liked you the first time I saw you.

At our first meeting you were nervous and stuttered. I saw a lot of people like that, and I didn’t like all of them. But, for some reason you didn’t like it. Rather, it bothered me a little. I still don’t know why, but it just happened.

I said hello and immediately crossed swords. Your sword was rough, but I liked it because it was straight. I liked the look in his eyes that didn’t give up even in the face of defeat. I liked your cheeky laugh.

so i liked you

That’s why I pushed you out of my heart. I thought I would have personal feelings because of you, I thought I would have a weakness, so I ignored your feelings and didn’t accept it… It’s really stupid.

You didn’t even react like that, but you didn’t give up. I liked that look. Your appearance was the only meaning in this dry world.

Even so, I did not tell you about it. I didn’t express it to you. Because it will disappear anyway. If I give you room for nothing, it will only make it harder for you. that’s how i lived

That’s how I didn’t say love, and you didn’t give up and waited for love.

But this life was a little different. I love you and you pushed me away

You tried hard to be hated by me from the first meeting. I put on makeup, wore uncomfortable clothes, and smiled without thinking. In that state, you threw away your pride and played a lousy man.

You’re annoying I’m so annoyed that it’s weird I’m sure I’ve seen such people countless times, but you’re especially annoyed.

that’s amazing Like the previous life and this one, you have especially stimulated my feelings.

I made a mistake by being swayed by such a mysterious you. That mistake became a burden, so I wanted to apologize to you. So I went looking for you, but I failed.

Do you know why? Looking at you holding a yellow tulip with a sad expression, you seemed to overlap with someone. I couldn’t recognize someone who looked strangely overlapping.

Time passed and the day you said you were going to break up. I thought that someone was my mother. You seemed to overlap with my mother, so I was worried about you. Through you, I wanted to resolve the lump in my heart that I couldn’t convey to my mother.

With that kind of heart, I cared for you, waited for you, and chased you. But the longer I spent with you, the more I realized that I wasn’t looking for you as a mother, but I was looking at you wholeheartedly.

You who push me away, but don’t push me away.

You, who pushes me away, but cares for you inconspicuously.

Even as you pushed me away, I looked at you who always looked at me.

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Looking at you like that, a corner of my heart warmed. I didn’t understand that warmth at first.

The days of not understanding that warmth continued, and you collapsed after being beaten by a monster.

You fell down, pain came to one side of my heart, and desperation pressed me.

When the pain flowed out of my eyes, you wiped away the tears. I was sad because your warmth that wiped my pain was warm. When I heard the nonchalantly said ‘Don’t cry’, I understood the warmth.

That warmth is love, and I realized that I love you.

Do you know why you say this? Actually I don’t know. Just looking at you, I wanted to speak my mind.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you both in the past life and in this life.

I wanted to tell you that no matter what you did, I would have loved you.

That’s all.

Even if I say this, you won’t hear me. It’s just my fleeting complaint.

Even so, I wanted to say I wanted to say it with the feeling of practicing before speaking to you who woke up.

I guess I just said too much. But there is still some left, so listen a little more.

After you died, I regretted it a lot. It hurts a lot. It hurt so bad I wanted to die. Because of the pain, I couldn’t do anything for a while.

The days that were so painful that it was difficult even to be alive continued, and from a certain moment the will you left behind continued to linger in my head.

“Please do not pity me. Please don’t feel sorry for me.”

Your words, so kind to the point of being stupid, kept echoing. Even with that echo, I couldn’t keep your will at first.

‘How can I not feel sorry for you? How can I not feel sorry?’

Thinking so, I couldn’t even listen to your will. However, from a certain moment, those words connected my torn heart.

A scar remained on the attached heart and throbbed, but it didn’t hurt like the first time. It wasn’t so painful that living was painful.

Only then was I able to keep your will. as well as the children

Your heart, thinking of us who hurt your heart, saved us.

So, please don’t think that I’m foolish and stupid like the will. Because it was you who was right, and the foolish fool who didn’t recognize it was me.

Talking about evening primrose has come this far. Now that we’ve come this far, I’ll extend the last hesitation.

There are many things you want to do when you wake up.

I want to make a masterpiece of your favorite drink. Of course, I can’t drink as much as you and my father do, so I’ll stretch out first, but I still want to drink with you.

I’m thinking of planting lots of flowers and trees in the garden. And on a day when spring is colored, I want to walk there with you. In the future, I want to hold the children’s hands and talk about the names and language of flowers with you.

Every year I would like to call a painter to make a portrait of you and me. After you left, looking at the one and only portrait, I regretted it.

‘It would have been nice if I had drawn a little more’

So I want to record our lives in pictures. I want to fill the castle with memories with you.

I want to look at the moon with you. You looked at the moon at night and were soaked in emotions. I want to look at the same thing as you and feel the same way.

I want to cross swords with you again. I was swayed by emotions in this life and ruined it, but I want to melt my heart into a sword and pass it on to you. I will communicate with words, but since we are warriors, I would like to communicate with swords as well.

I want to be held in your arms and feel your warmth. I want to fill my heart with your warmth.

There are many other things I want to do besides these. There are so many of them, but it seems like the night is about to end when I say them all. I have time tomorrow too, so I’ll end this story here.

Thanks for listening to my boring story. have a good night my moonflower