I Was Sick of Loving You - I Was Sick of Loving You chapter 69

69 – The night before I regained my memory

The day after arriving at the elven village, around the time the sun goes to sleep. The elf Rachel called Mister came with news we had been waiting for.

“Permission has been dropped from the Council of Elders.”

“Mister, are you sure?”

“Yes, I couldn’t get it now because of procedures, but I should get it tomorrow.”

“Brother, did you hear?”

“Yes, I heard.”

“The response is flat. Brother’s memories are coming back.”

“Know. But, it just doesn’t feel real.”

I didn’t realize it yesterday, and I still don’t realize it today. The fact that the goal of the journey has been reached is not realized.

“Yes? But when the memory comes back, you will realize it.”

“I guess so.”

“Brother, something happened today.”

“What does that mean?”

“I have a feeling, but I can’t express it.”

A little laugh came out of her words.

“Anyway, there is such a thing.”

“yes. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know.”

It’s small talk that doesn’t make any sense, but for some reason, I felt a little lighter. I don’t understand the feeling a little bit.

Why is that? There is nothing to make my heart heavy, and nothing to lighten.

It bothers me that I don’t know why.

“Now, it’s a good day, so let’s eat something delicious! Can you treat your benefactor like that? His name is Elder.”

“Yes, of course you should treat your benefactor that much. I won’t use my strength.”

“I like that gentleman’s cool side.”

Despite Rachel’s bold words, he responded with a smile.

“You don’t have to.”

“Brother, don’t fret at times like this. The famous elf elder treats the benefactor, but you can’t decline.”

“This kid is right. Please do not decline.”

“Then I will be grateful.”

I wanted to decline because it was burdensome to be treated as a result of something I don’t remember, but I couldn’t decline further at their words.

“Then wait a little longer. I will come prepared as quickly as possible.”

He said so and left.

“Even though the old man said that, don’t believe it because it’s the standard of elves. We are talking while we wait.”

Starting with her words, another meaningless chatter followed. The usual meaningless chatter felt strange today.

I don’t know why. It just felt that way.

In that mood, after I had been chatting for a while, the man returned and new fruits and dishes appeared.

Rachel’s eyes twinkled as she looked at the food on the table.

“Mister, you really put a lot of effort into it.”

“It’s to treat benefactors, isn’t it natural?”

After that, some small talk came and went, but I couldn’t hear it well.

“thank you for this food!”

In the meantime, Rachel’s last words were heard clearly, and the daze returned.

“thank you for this food.”

Having said that, I ate the food. The food I tried for the first time was crunchy, but I felt the subtle sweetness and it fit well in my mouth.

Even so, I feel like my heart is sinking a little.

Why is that? Obviously, the food is delicious and the atmosphere is nice. Why am I feeling this way?

I don’t know. Is it because of his mental damage? other than that i don’t remember

I spent time in such a sinking mood with my thoughts.

Time passed, and I returned to my room. Returning to my room, I put myself on the bed and stared blankly at the ceiling in a sinking mood.

Then, I pondered over the longest journey of my life. The more you chew on it, the clearer the memories become, and the emotions of that time come flooding back.

As the emotions that came flooding in gradually piled up in my heart, I was able to realize the reason for my gradually subdued mood.

The journey was enjoyable. The world outside the family was beautiful. I enjoyed spending time with people I don’t even remember. happy. So I felt down.

Knowing that the end had come, I felt relieved. And he sank because he knew that his current feelings would end.

The me who regained my memories and the me now will be the same yet different people. While he had my memories, he had memories I didn’t.

That’s why you won’t have the same feelings as me. So the feelings I felt will end here.

It may not be, but I thought that the feelings I felt right now would be denied.

Just as I was thinking such foolish thoughts without any basis, I heard a knock on the door and the princess’s voice.

“Alik, can I come in?”

Hearing the princess’s voice, I put aside my foolish thoughts and opened the door.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s no big deal. I just came to see you.”

At the princess’s words, a ripple arose in my heart.

“But why is that expression on your face?”

The princess’s hand touched my cheek, and the ripples in my heart grew.

“How do you like my expression?”

“You look sad. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened. I was just thinking.”

“Can you hear me?”

The princess’s worried eyes and words contained an irresistible strength, and she opened her mouth without being able to refuse.

“The fact that the journey so far is over, my heart has calmed down a little.”

“Why?”

“For me, who has no memory, this journey was my first, and it was the first time I came out of my family and looked around the world. So I could clearly feel the confusion and physical fatigue, but it was so much fun that I forgot about it.”

I’m just saying the thoughts I’ve already chewed, but the emotions I felt come more clearly.

“It saddens me that the good times are over. And I thought a little stupid.”

Thoughts that I wanted to hide because I was stupid started to flow.

“Suddenly, this thought occurred to me. The me who regained my memories and the me now are the same yet different. So I can’t feel the same feelings, and the feelings I felt will fade. The thought made me a little bitter. It’s a really stupid idea, but it doesn’t go away.”

When I finished my words, warmth came to my hands.

“It’s not a stupid idea. If I were in your position, I would have thought.”

The princess’s unwavering, straight eyes embraced me.

“I said I had a similar experience to you in the past. It’s not the same, but I’ll tell you my story.”

The story of a woman who got another chance flowed from the princess. The unbelievable story makes my head dizzy.

“As you said, the me who regained my memories and the me before that are the same yet different. That’s why I remember the same things, and my feelings are different.”

The warmth of holding my hand becomes a little stronger.

“But the feelings from before did not fade. Even now, as it is, it is inside me. Do you know why?”

“I do not know.”

Because I haven’t experienced it, because I’m not a princess, I don’t know.

“The actions and memories of the me of the past life and the me of this life are different, but the important essence has not changed. I who love the sword, value duty, and love you have not changed. So it was shaken badly, but it was not uprooted.”

The princess’s words came through clearly, but the foolish thoughts did not completely disappear.

“I can’t be sure because your situation and mine aren’t quite the same, but if it’s you, you’ll be fine. It will be fine if you are always upright and sincere.”

“I am not that kind of person. I’m not an upright and sincere person like you think.”

If he had been upright and sincere, he would not have turned his eyes away from his mother’s sorrow. I wouldn’t have turned a blind eye to the misdeeds of my father and older brothers.

I’m not what the princess thinks of me.

“No. You are a greater person than you thought.”

If I had been a great person, I wouldn’t have been caught in my family. I wouldn’t have lived as a coward who turned his eyes away from things he didn’t want to see.

“You must be in denial now.”

My heart is pierced by those words.

“Don’t do that. You saved me and my family.”

The warmth I felt in my hand intensified.

“Do you think anyone would forgive a woman who had hurt them, and would risk dying for her? As far as I know, there is only you.”

There will be more if you search.

“You would think there would be more if you searched. Yes, there will be more if you look for them. But you are the only one like me.”

Why is my heart trembling?

“You said this a long time ago. He said he admired the heroes in fairy tales and wanted to be like them.”

It is a childish dream, ignorant of the world as a child, and a dream that has been trampled on and disappeared.

“You said you couldn’t achieve that dream, but you were wrong. You are the greatest hero to me. So don’t lower yourself.”

The trembling in my heart grew out of control.

“Even if you are shaken, I will help you.”

The princess’ deep smile permeates me.

“If it’s not enough on my own, I’ll use everything in my family to help. So don’t you worry.”

The words of the princess’s heart deeply penetrated my heart. The permeated things gather and make the emotions that make the heart tremble clear.

I wanted to surrender to the clearer emotions, and I followed that desire.

“Princess, I need help right now, can I ask for it?”

“If I can, I will help with anything.”

As soon as the princess finished speaking, I hugged her.

“Please stay like this for a moment.”

Instead of answering, she hugged me.

Feeling her warmth, I realize my heart has become clearer.

Until this point, I couldn’t tell if the feeling was love or an extension of longing, but now I feel it so clearly that it feels like an idiot.

i love her That’s my feeling that I didn’t understand until now.

I filled my heart with her warmth, holding on to the feelings I realized the night before I regained my memory.