I Was Sick of Loving You - I Was Sick of Loving You chapter 81

81 – penalty

Seventy days had passed since he realized he was cursed.

Every day is painful.

As time goes on, the pain only increases.

It was bearable at first.

The fact that he was cursed was painful, but I was able to bear it because I thought it was time to pay for my sins, and it was the path he had walked.

Thinking so, he lived a busy life trying to break his curse.

The number of people exploring the witch’s dwelling was increased, and those knowledgeable in curses were hired as much as possible.

I requested the magic circle that activated the curse to the Mage Tower.

He also asked for help from the royal family and the princess who became a saint.

All of that was futile.

I couldn’t even find a clue to Haeju.

It was a terrible curse passed down from generation to generation, so it was natural.

I thought so.

But seeing him whose smile gradually faded, I couldn’t think that way.

that made me impatient

When I was feeling so impatient, Rachel gave me good news.

The news took away my impatience.

The impatience disappeared, and the fading hope began to shine brightly.

Holding on to that hope, I headed for the holy land of Kaian.

The day we arrived at the Holy Land.

Hope was surely in hand, but misfortune came to the first friend he had acquired.

Rachel forced herself to pretend that she was fine, but she couldn’t hide her complicated feelings.

I felt sorry for her like that.

I’m sorry that it seemed like it was because of us.

I apologized to her, but she was angry.

“It’s not because of my brother and sister. It’s something that will come to me someday. So don’t apologize. That apology fades the elder’s heart.”

Her words brought more regret.

Feeling sorry for that, I wanted to help her who had to shoulder a new burden.

But right now I can’t help her.

Because I was still in the position of the heir, and there was still work to be done, I couldn’t do that.

In that situation, I just made a promise in my heart.

I will break his curse and clear up the misunderstandings of the Dark Elves.

It will correct the false facts known as the Fallen Ones.

I hoped that it would repay my close friend and the elder who had shown me a favor without cost, and I made a promise.

With that in mind, we set off on our journey again.

The two of them went on a journey with him who was losing his smile.

From then on, every day became unbearable.

It is painful to see his change so clearly.

It was clear that the warmth in his voice had faded.

It was clear that most of his smiles were fake ones.

It was clear that the warmth in his actions had faded.

It’s fine until then.

It hurts, but it’s okay because they give me strength.

The warmth in his voice and actions has faded, so it’s okay because the faint warmth contained in it is a source of strength.

Most of the smiles he shows are fake smiles, but even fake smiles give me strength, so it’s okay.

It was okay because those things hurt and gave me strength, but his eyes were not okay.

The eyes that didn’t contain emotion were so sad.

Those eyes that couldn’t be faked and couldn’t be hidden were so painful.

Seeing his emotionless eyes for the first time was so painful.

It’s so painful, it’s tough, but I can still bear it.

The pain he suffered was heavier and longer, so he could bear it.

With him by my side, I can bear it.

I lived like that, holding on to his warmth that was gradually disappearing.

The day his smile was filled with lies while continuing his journey.

he suddenly burst into tears.

Seeing those tears gave me a sad feeling.

I had a hunch that that would be the last piece of emotion.

I wanted to deny that feeling, but I couldn’t.

It will come someday, so I couldn’t deny it.

So I eagerly accepted it.

But… I couldn’t accept it.

My head accepted it, but my heart couldn’t accept it.

I tried to control that feeling, but I couldn’t.

Seeing him whose emotions had already dried up, I couldn’t do that.

The night came without even accepting what was to come.

I ate as usual and prepared to go to sleep.

It was cold waiting for him, preparing to go to sleep.

My body is warm, but for some reason it was too cold.

So I took off my coat and waited for him.

After finishing cleaning up, he looked at me and expressed his concern.

It didn’t contain a handful of warmth in those words, but it was warm.

Feeling that strange sensation, I hugged him.

warm

I didn’t want to let go of that warmth, so I hugged her tighter.

So I said goodbye to him.

“You worked hard today. Have a nice dream.”

“Have a nice dream.”

After that greeting, I coveted his lips.

It was a simple kiss without heat.

After that kiss, I saw his smile that I hadn’t seen in a while.

So I smiled and closed my eyes.

That was the last smile I saw of him.

That last warmth left me.

That’s how the warmth left and time flies and became today.

He no longer smiles.

I can’t find any warmth in his voice.

Not even a hint of emotion can be found on his face.

His eyes were so deep and dark and cold.

All of that hurts so much.

It makes every day painful.

The more I feel that kind of pain, the sadder it is.

I just feel some of the pain he’s been through for a few days, and it hurts to death.

I’ve only experienced the world he’s lived in for a few days, and it hurts like my heart is about to collapse.

It was so sad.

It makes me sad to think of him who endured in this world and did not give up. It’s a sin.

Do you clearly feel the weight of my sins, so sinful.

Even though I think so, I miss his warmth without hesitation.

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Longing for the past

I hope for a warm word from him.

I want to see his warm smile again.

I want to hear his warm voice again.

I want to see his warm eyes again.

I miss the time to chat over a cup of tea.

I miss the time of gardening and waiting for the flowers to bloom.

I miss the time when we clinked glasses under the moonlight.

I miss the time we spent talking in his arms.

I miss the time I shared my breath with him.

I miss the time when he filled me with his warmth.

I miss his words that he loves me.

I want to hear it again.

but can’t see

can’t feel the moment

can’t hear that

Just as I didn’t give it to him, I can’t take it either.

It hurts to the point.

In that pain, his figure passes by.

The one who smiled for me even when I was losing my feelings.

It was a fake smile, but it gave me strength.

It was only after it was gone that it felt clearer.

His efforts and struggles were clearly felt.

It was so sad.

I was sad that I couldn’t even do that.

If I had been honest with my feelings and told him about the curse, it would have eased his pain.

Unrequited efforts, his life would not have been so painful.

I didn’t.

I didn’t do that because I thought it was right to just push away and ignore that feeling.

that’s my sin

I am an inexcusable sinner.

So endure this pain.

Bite it hard, endure it, and endure it.

To repay his heart for living in such a cruel world,

to pay for my sins,

For happiness to come again,

Endure a painful day.

I hold on to that shaken and cracked heart.

As I hold on to that, another painful day comes to an end.

The day is over, and the happiest time has arrived.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I look at him like that

happy that time

As I close my eyes without saying anything, I am happy to be able to look at him and remember that he has lost his feelings.

Feeling the only happiness of the day, I muttered quietly.

“How did you stand in a world like this? It is so painful, how did you endure it?”

I don’t want an answer from him.

It’s just a sinner’s complaint, and it’s just a lament.

I carried on that lament.

“I cannot understand you. After going through this pain, how did you accept me again?”

The more you lament, the sadder your heart becomes.

Even so, I couldn’t stop lamenting.

“No, I was wrong. Because I have the memories you gave me, because I have the hope that you will come back, I am lighter than the pain you went through. So that’s the wrong question.”

Answering the question himself, he patted his head.

“I have experienced and understood very little of your pain, of your life. It looks like it will collapse with just that.”

He removed his hand from his head and wiped away the tears.

“I feel like I’m about to collapse, but thanks to you, I can survive. I can endure it thanks to the heart you gave me.”

I wiped away the tears and gently stroked his cheek.

“So I’ll try a little harder. I will endure for the day when you will return.”

He held out his warm hand.

“It’s been a long time. I will stop complaining now. Have a nice dream.”

Saying so to the sleeping man, she kissed him on the cheek.

And fell asleep in his arms.

To endure another tomorrow to come,

I went to sleep to bear the punishment for my sins.