I Was Sick of Loving You - I Was Sick of Loving You chapter 83

83 – Illusions and sinful karma

I searched the library all night, but there is no result.

Except for the books I read the first time, all of them are books I read in the past. The first book I read was also full of useless content such as the duty of husband and wife.

I couldn’t find a clue like that, but it was the only book I couldn’t remember, so I took it and went back to the office. Shortly after returning to the office, an aide came with a bunch of documents. When I looked at the documents, it was all the things I remembered.

I processed the paperwork as I remembered, and read the book again.

Naturally, the contents of the book were full of only those related to the duty of husband and wife. I chewed on the content and the content Iris had interpreted before entering the fantasy.

‘It is your sin to wait.’

Recalling those words, I crossed the keywords of the book and thought about it, but I couldn’t find a clue.

It is impossible for a person to be free from sinful karma, but he has never committed any sinful karma related to conjugal duty.

He was always devoted to his family. Daryl always remembers the position of his son-in-law and never crossed the line. So, keeping the line, I did everything I could.

He always stood at the forefront of subjugation and made contributions, and when he was doing external activities, he paid attention to everything and did not give in to his weaknesses. Aside from that, she did everything she could as a husband and father.

To me like that, there is no sinful karma related to the duty of husband and wife.

Thinking so, I closed the useless book I had read several times.

As I closed the book and reviewed the paperwork for mistakes, I heard a knock on the window. Hearing that sound, I looked toward the window and saw a black bird tapping the window with its beak. A piece of white paper was tied to the bird’s ankle.

When I opened the window to the sight, a bird came in and landed on my shoulder. I checked by untying the paper tied to the bird’s leg.

“The day all preparations are finished. All your actions will return.”

After reading such a short sentence, the bird snatched the paper with its beak and flew out the window. Leaving the flying bird behind, I wrote the sentence on a blank piece of paper and chewed it over.

It says ‘The day when all preparations are finished’, so even if you don’t take any action, this fantasy will end, or the next one will come. ‘All your actions will come back.’ It must be that all my actions affect the outcome.

I finished my thoughts after chewing on a short sentence that didn’t have much room for interpretation.

As usual, you just have to keep the rules you need to keep and live.

With that conclusion, I focused on the duty I had to shoulder as the head of the Duke of Brandt family.

The duty was not too difficult. I’ve watched it from the sidelines my whole life, and it’s not that different from my memories, so it’s a natural story.

But it’s not without problems.

It is strange to spend time with Iris in order to keep the contents of the husband and wife duty. You feel what you cannot feel, what you should not feel.

Tea time that comes once a day. She sits in front of me and talks with a smile.

“I looked into the evening primrose you mentioned the other day… Next time… Moon-viewing… A famous sword came out at an auction… Let’s fight together next time.”

She laughs and talks about the things I like. Flowers, plants, the moon, landscapes, and sometimes swords and swordsmanship. Things she liked, not things I liked. In this fantasy it became her favourite.

Perhaps, it’s not just her and my position that have changed, but the personality and position are all reversed.

With that conclusion, there is nothing strange about her behavior. Rather, it is a legitimate action. Is she doing the stories and actions that I did or would have done in the past?

My head thinks like that, but my heart doesn’t.

Her actions and words that are different from her are annoying.

The false appearance created by fantasies is annoying.

I shouldn’t feel that way, and I feel emotions that I can’t feel.

It’s annoying.

The feeling that breaks the serenity is annoying.

endured nonetheless.

I persevered to do my duty, to do what I ought to do.

As I endured it like that, the flow of time became strange.

Only the time with Iris passed normally, and the rest of the time passed quickly.

When I got away from her, time passed so quickly that I could clearly see the color change in the sky.

That suggested that the fantasy revolved around Iris.

Recognizing that, I focused a little more on my husband’s duties rather than the duties of a head of household.

even if it’s annoying

As time passed, Evan and Ellie were born between her and me.

The children were nothing different from my memories. It’s just that she plays my role in the old days, and I play her role.

The time passed when the husband’s duty was added to the father’s duty, and when the children were about ten years old, she said something strange.

“I’ve been living with you for over 10 years, and you never smile.”

I can’t understand what she meant.

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Is that important?”

her eyes twitched.

I can’t understand her

“You think so.”

her voice sank.

I can’t understand her

“What do I mean to you?”

I can’t understand the intention of the words.

I couldn’t understand it, so I said the truth.

“She is my wife.”

“That… just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

She stopped talking.

I can’t understand her

Unable to understand, she stood up from her seat.

“It’s time to go to the children, so I’ll stand up first.”

I nodded at her words and drank the remaining tea.

She disappeared, and time passed quickly again.

After this, the time I spent with her was getting less and less, and the time passed quickly.

As time passed, the curse spread to the children as well.

And she left a letter and disappeared.

“I’ll find a clue to get rid of the curse.”

That content is over.

It is the same content as the letter I wrote a long time ago.

I put the letter back.

Then time passed quickly.

Every time time stopped in between, a scar appeared on her face.

When I asked about it, she smiled shyly.

“I grew up naturally as I went here and there. But now that I have a warrior-like face, I like it.”

I must have said it, but it bothered me when it came out of her mouth.

It was more annoying than anything else and was unbearable.

“Now stop doing that.”

“What do you mean? I haven’t found a clue to break the curse yet.”

She also recited exactly what I said.

It’s annoying.

“It is a pointless action. So don’t suffer and spend the rest of your life quietly.”

“I will refuse. This is my duty.”

Again, the words I said came out of her mouth.

I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“I command you as the head of the household. I will confine you in a separate building.”

“What is that…”

I knocked her out and took her to the annex.

And so that they could not escape, they put a ban through magic.

Read at noblemtl.net

Like she did to me

After that, only time passed normally when reports about her came up.

Read at noblemtl.net

Let’s say it’s a report, but there’s nothing except for drinking alcohol.

Just like I did.

In this way, the flow of a strange world where time passes normally once a day continues to flow, and new information has been added to the contents of the report.

It was added that aging came to her at a rapid pace and that she began to suffer from minor illnesses. I sent a priest to the contents, but there was no content that it was restored.

A natural result. Because I did.

It was such an obvious result, but it was already expected, but it was annoying.

It was so intrusive that I did something meaningless.

I airlifted the medicinal materials obtained from a prominent doctor and sent them to her.

Still, her condition did not improve. Rather, it got worse.

Just like I did.

It’s annoying.

The annoyance continued to repeat and grow.

The annoyance continues to grow. The day has come.

The lady-in-waiting assigned to her came to me in a hurry.

I couldn’t properly talk about the lady-in-waiting because I was out of breath, but I knew what it was.

The story the lady-in-waiting will tell is the news of her obituary.

I already know. Because I have memories, because I felt her death along with the feeling of something being cut off.

Because I already knew that, I didn’t listen to the lady-in-waiting and moved on.

The room in the annex that I used to use. There she is on the bed. The image of her sleeping on the bed was so different from what I remembered.

Her hair, which was as beautiful as the sky, turned white.

Although there were scars, the firm skin was deeply wrinkled.

The light darkness under her eyes grew as thick as the darkness of the night.

And the eyes that always looked at me don’t look at me anymore.

I don’t like it.

When I thought so, something inside me broke.

It was broken, and emotions rushed in from the depths.

The emotions are so thick and heavy that I can’t breathe.

vision is blurry

Such a change came, and emotions began to color the memories one by one.

Memories colored by emotion became sharp spears and stabbed me.

Unbearable pain comes.

I couldn’t stand the pain.

My legs gave out, and the floor started to get wet.

The floor became wet, and the identity of the annoyance became clear.

Annoyance was not annoyance, it was love.

It’s a story that doesn’t make sense. How can love be a hindrance? How can bitterness become love?

It’s a story that doesn’t make sense, but the heart says that the intrusive was love.

It’s because of the emotions that come out.

Because of the sudden surge of emotions, the mind is broken. It’s confusing.

I thought so and denied it, but as time passed, it became clearer.

The colored memories added weight to the words of my heart. so it became clear

I couldn’t deny how clear my mind was.

i loved her

no, i love you

but she died

It’s so damn painful.

Even knowing that this is an illusion, it hurts unbearably.

As I was sinking in pain like that, the tears that soaked the floor began to move.

The moved tears became letters.

“It is time to bear the karma of failing to keep the oath to save my wife. If you want to give up, stab the back of your hand with a knife. Then the pain your partner endured will disappear and you will feel comfortable. 30-00-00」

After reading the text, I remembered the contents of the letter I had seen at the beginning.

“The day all preparations are finished. All your actions will return.”

All preparations are complete, all my actions are back.

This is an illusion, everything I do is what she did to me, but it doesn’t justify it.

Doesn’t ease the pain.

The weight of my sinful karma does not lighten.

Because of my sin of not keeping my oath, it is not lightened because it was the pain she suffered.

That’s why everything that happened in fantasy is painful.

To the extent that the pain of the past life feels light.

As I struggled through such pain, the day passed and morning came again.

At that moment, the number made of tears changed.

「29-11-30」

In that reduced number, I realized the meaning.

It is the time I have to deal with in the future, and it is the time she has been able to handle.

The fact made the pain clear and my heart collapsed.