Novelist Running Through Time - Chapter 195



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The Novelist Who Leapt Through Time Episode 195

With my mouth covered by Guy Yuna’s soft palm, I closed my eyes.

It’s okay to say this in such a serious atmosphere… .

If you ended up saying ‘I’m sorry, but-’, I guess you’ve already answered… ?

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear you.”

However, Gu Yuna’s attitude, pushing like a tyrant, was stubborn.

A faint sense of shame leaked from Gu Yuna’s face, which had suddenly become identical to the ‘Yuna’ in my memories.

“Do you understand? “I didn’t hear anything.”

“… … Ugh.”

After all, one way or another.

I have a weakness for this face.

EP 11 – All kinds of things

In relationships between people, whether friends or lovers, there is always leadership.

This time, since I am in a unilateral position to teach Gu Yuna, I tend to take the lead.

It was different last time.

In the time that remains only in my memory, our relationship was the exact opposite.

Although they were equal in terms of literature, Gu Yuna was in charge of everything else.

My personality may have been weaker than it is now, but Gu Yuna back then was much more… .

Because it was tyrannical.

-Hey, manger! I told you not to make a mess with your books!

When Gu Yuna was scolded for ruining the neatly organized books in all directions and reading a book while lying on her stomach while munching on snacks, the reaction was usually like this.

Just lying down and reading the book, without even looking back –

-huh.

I don’t know what to do, but if you have ‘manger or metacognitive ability’, you can extract a lot of meaning from this one letter.

First meaning.

Did I tell you not to make a mess of your books? Yes.

Second meaning.

Is there any reason to follow that? no.

Really, he’s like BlackWarGreymon, who doesn’t listen to orders from someone weaker than him.

Fortunately, this time, I am able to organize my books neatly thanks to the fact that I have developed good habits, rather than gaslighting, step by step since I was young.

However, he could not give up the habit of reading while directly underlining with a highlighter pen, so he was truly a maverick at his own pace.

And this maverick defeated many villains (such as Ahn Joo-hee) who appeared in my life instead of the weak and timid me.

-Seeing that you mentioned that you graduated from an arts high school when we first met, I understand that your only achievement in your humble life was entering high school.

-Isn’t talking about someone coming from an orphanage too vulgar for a 50-year-old person to say?

-It’s okay because I thought it wouldn’t be a proper literary award from the time they asked me to write about my hometown in the manuscript.

The somewhat ‘aggressive’ language that occasionally came out of my mouth all originated from Gu Yuna during this time.

Gu Yu-na, who had a rude boyfriend who couldn’t control his actions, would show his aggression without filtering, like a wild beast that had something to protect.

Of course, as Gu Yuna got older, she became more and more able to imitate ordinary people, and thus became more fearful, becoming a ‘perfect person’… .

Anyway, I was very familiar with Gu Yuna being this tyrannical.

And, it was something I missed quite a bit.

“… … Why are you laughing?”

Gu Yuna, who was covering my mouth, made an unusually uncomfortable expression as she saw me laughing heartily with my mouth closed.

The corner of my mouth went up, and I pulled my hand away as if I was licking it with my tongue.

I answered Gu Yuna, who looked at me like I was a strange person.

“No, just… .”

“… … .”

“I thought you were about the same age as me.”

Gu Yuna had a straight face after hearing the answer.

“… … “Are you flirting right after you rejected my confession?”

“What?!”

“It’s really trash.”

“I heard you didn’t hear… .”

“okay. I didn’t hear it. So, just pretend you didn’t hear anything.”

“no… … .”

I couldn’t bear to speak.

‘Fluttering’!

These are words I never imagined would come out of Guy Yuna’s mouth.

Where on earth did he learn such mean words… ?

Could it be Kim Byeol? Or Min Hyo-min?

I was so embarrassed that I was thinking about all sorts of things.

Guy Yuna, who was staring at me blankly, was the first to open her mouth.

“You always look at me like that. “Like a child thrown into the water.”

“ah… … .”

“If you think about it, it’s been that way since the first time I saw it. You always acted like my protector and not my friend… .”

Gu Yuna slumped down on the bench and muttered.

“So it doesn’t work? Because I look like a child… .”

I couldn’t bear to answer, so I sat quietly on the bench and muttered Gu Yuna’s words to myself.

What can I say, it was very difficult to deal with Gu Yuna.

It felt like she had grown a lot overnight, and she wasn’t the Gu Yuna I knew.

At that moment, I thought about ‘the manger I know’.

‘Gu Yuna I Know’ is Gu Yuna, who grew up with a rough-and-tumble boyfriend.

However, ‘Gu Yuna before my eyes’ is Gu Yuna, who grew up with a suspicious teacher.

Compared to the old days, Gu Yuna had more friends, was a little more sociable, had better manners, was less aggressive, was more literary, and failed at her first love.

“ah… … .”

Belated realization came to me.

A person is the sum of the relationships he or she has.

Since ‘Moon In-seop’, who accounts for the biggest stake in Gu Yu-na’s life, has changed, the Gu Yu-na I know and the Gu Yu-na in front of me cannot help but be different beings.

‘Isomerism’ is incorrect.

The cold glass wall of time separated existence from existence.

We were sitting next to each other on the bench, but it was as if there was a wall called time between us.

Through that glass wall, I can’t help but see the old Yuna of the past, not the old Yuna of the present.

Therefore, the current Gu Yuna cannot look at me and say.

You have to look at the wall and talk.

Because I am in the past, not the present.

“Yes.”

Gu Yuna looked at the wall and continued talking to herself.

“I didn’t hear anything today, and you didn’t say anything, but if I… “If I were to ask you why you got dumped, what would you say?”

I wanted to be silent.

But I raised my voice with all my might.

“… … “I have committed such a great sin against you.”

“when? what is that? “What did I do wrong?”

The Guy Yuna in front of me, who looks so similar to the Guy Yuna I know, accuses me of my mistakes.

I felt like I was being accused of wrongdoing by Gu Yuna from the past.

My heart is heavy.

My sin was too great.

I turned away from Gu Yuna, who did not give up on me, and eventually committed suicide, severing our relationship forever.

What if I didn’t return to the ‘past’, but came to another world with a younger body, and the manger I knew was still in that world where my corpse remained… .

What on earth would Gu Yuna be thinking when she looks at my dead body?

Every time I was consumed by the ominous imagination that rose up from time to time, a terrible sense of futility and self-destruction came over me.

But I already ended my life and ran to the other side of time.

I will never know the possibility that the worst tragedy I could have imagined has occurred.

Reversion is a curse.

Even if I try to escape reality by staying in a cold rental house, the harsh reality creeps up on me.

It’s so painful that I want to tell everything right away.

I want to lean on this old Yuna, who is so similar to the old Yuna I know, and receive comfort for my miserable soul.

But it can’t be done.

I can’t put these dirty hands, full of alcohol, cigarettes, and depression, on this innocent girl who knows nothing.

This was my karma that I had to endure, my past that I had to face.

“… … “I can’t tell you.”

“… … .”

Gu Yuna glared at me with an expression of bewilderment.

Today was a day where unusual things often happen.

Unusually, anger came out of Gu Yuna’s voice so clearly that not only I but others could distinguish it.

“So, you can’t accept my confession because you did something wrong to me, but you can’t tell me what that mistake was?”

“… … .”

“It’s really absurd. I thought there was nothing worse than saying ‘no’, but I think this is even worse. You did me wrong? “Then don’t you think that what you’re doing now is wrong?”

“… … .”

“You are trash.”

I kept my mouth shut and silently listened to Gu Yuna’s criticism.

It was painful and sad, but at the same time a bit clueless.

Guy Yuna, since when did you know how to talk like this?

Is it really Kim Byeol? Or Min Hyo-min?

Anyway, since we started hanging out with girls, our innocent Gu Yuna changed… .

Just when I was about to shed tears in my heart, Gu Yuna changed the conversation.

“But it’s okay.”

I was surprised to hear ‘It’s okay’ and looked at Gu Yuna. It was an answer I never imagined I would hear.

Guy Yuna was not looking at me, but was looking up at the Maalgan sky and smiling quietly.

“Today was the day when I didn’t say anything and didn’t hear anything.”

“… … .”

“So, pretend it never happened. How much does Byeol care about the club? If she blows up like this, she’ll probably cry. Are you sure. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, she has a glass mentality… .”

Gu Yuna acted like a person who could change the past at will with a single word.

And it didn’t look particularly strange.

Because Gu Yuna has always been a very self-indulgent person.

“So I’ll wait a little longer.”

“… … .”

“Next time, try to bring an answer you like better.”

At that majestic and tyrannical declaration, I smiled involuntarily and nodded.

Guy Yuna looks at me, and I look at Guy Yuna.

For some reason, I felt like I was finally looking at Yuna in front of me for the first time.

And that Gu Yuna seemed a little more expressive than the Gu Yuna I knew.

“Now you’re looking this way.”

“ah.”

“okay. That suits you. “It’s much better to always be fearless and confident than to not make eye contact and just look at the ground.”

Gu Yuna looked at me and smiled.

“So from now on, I hope you don’t have to stay at home and do that. “I’m worried.”

“… … huh. sorry.”

“Come visit us soon. “Dad misses you a lot.”

With those words, Gu Yuna carefully got up.

And without saying goodbye, we walked out of the park.

Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I felt like I was being swayed by Gu Yuna.

And that didn’t feel too bad.

Both then and now, Gu Yuna was a very self-indulgent person.

“ha… … .”

As Gu Yuna left, she sat down on the half-empty bench and leaned back.

The sky is clear, the clouds are white, and the leaves are green.

It must be a rich neighborhood, so kids driving mini cars that are more expensive than real cars are laughing out loud.

When the wind blew, a leaf fell gently on the heads of the parents watching their children.

Like this, everything in the world is shining brightly and flowing by, but I am left alone with no color and it feels like I am trapped in a black and white photo.

The feeling that always weighed heavily on my heart seems to have become a little lighter today.

And that may be because, as I looked at this park, I became someone who could not only curse the children driving cars that were more expensive than the real ones, but also pay attention to the beautiful smiles of the children and their parents.

I smiled softly as I looked at the empty bench next to me.

The bench was empty, but my heart was not.

I calmly closed my eyes and enjoyed the time as it slowly began to pass by.

It was a refreshing May afternoon.

* * *

“”sorry.”

Minha’s apology was not like a decision made after a big decision. It was almost like my true feelings came out without me even knowing.

So Minha first put the apple in her mouth and then thought about the reason for the apology.

Minha sees the baby.

The baby, whose face was crushed, was still looking at Minha.

Maybe Minha could have given birth to this baby. Even though she was criticized for giving birth to a baby wearing a school uniform, she may have had superhuman willpower to juggle entrance exams, college life, and childcare.

Perhaps she became a single mother because Seong-wook abandoned her and ran away, or maybe she raised the baby with Seong-wook but was unable to raise it properly, leaving child care to her mother and father, leading to such common and trivial hardships.

And the baby’s fate is also truly infinite if you imagine it.

Due to the carelessness and malice of his parents, he could have become famous in a way that would appear on the 9 o’clock news, or he could have grown up in a difficult environment and become a great person, or he could have grown up normally and one day he met his parents. After realizing that the age difference was too small, I may have faced a slightly more turbulent adolescence than others.

But this is all in the past.

All possibilities had already been closed, possibilities that had been cut off by none other than Minha’s own hands, and the past was still weighing down on Minha.

It is something that cannot be changed.

Except for one way.

“Sorry.”

Humans cannot change the past.

But the past can change people. Life is not pure, life is not clean. Every person is a turbid mixture of all the relationships surrounding that person.

In that case, the past would also be a part of Minha, so rather than dismissing the past as something that never happened or was a shame, Minha humbly accepted it as part of herself.

Therefore, Minha apologized to the surreal, perhaps spiritual, representation of her past.

If the baby is God’s judge, this apple would be directed to the baby whom he cut off.

However, if the baby is Minha’s fantasy, this apology would be directed at herself, who pushed her over the cliff.

In this way, Minha commemorated the sad past that shaped her.

Minha, a 32-year-old wage worker, apologized to Minha, a 16-year-old pregnant woman.

When Minha opened her tightly closed eyes, she made eye contact with the baby who was still staring at her.

Looking at those crushed and blurry eyes, Minha smiled bitterly.

But it wasn’t as daunting as before. Even if you have to live with this baby for the rest of your life, this baby is still a part of Minha.

Thanks to that, Minha went to bed with a less heavy heart than yesterday. She has to go to work tomorrow too. I have to eat tomorrow too.

However, when Minha opened her eyes the next morning, she saw a quiet house where she could not feel any gaze.

The baby is now in Minha’s heart.”