Producer with no Regrets - Chapter 417



Only Noblemtl

Episode 417

Humans cry.

It means that the sadness has reached its peak and emotions have become so intense that they cannot be suppressed.

This is not an ordinary thing.

Even if you suddenly burst into tears while working, it is already beyond the normal category and is at a dangerous level.

‘I am…….’

Two such people appeared at the same time.

Baek Seol-ha, the leader of the Girls’ League.

Jo Ara, a member of the Girls’ League.

Sungpil has seen many members cry. Sometimes it was because of joy, and sometimes it was because of self-loathing, self-loathing, and inferiority complex.

Every time, Seongpil spared no effort in giving them advice and encouragement as a colleague who was moving forward with them and as an adult who had lived a little more life.

It had to be that way this time too.

however.

‘Who should I tell first… … .’

Is this Snow White who witnessed crying in person?

‘Should I tell Hayang that I’ll be there a little later?’

Or is it Joara who burst into tears while practicing?

‘Should I close the vocal room door and head to the practice room as if nothing happened without Hayang noticing?’

You can make rational judgments, but there are too many criteria for rational judgments.

There is not enough time to consider everything, and even if we do consider everything and come to a conclusion, it will not be satisfactory.

Before he knew it, Seongpil had unconsciously closed the door. He had a feeling that Baek Seol-ha was looking at him through the crack in the door.

‘Sorry, Seolha.’

First, he apologized for not being more considerate, and finally closed the door completely.

Seongpil couldn’t give a logical reason as to why he chose Joara. If someone asked him why, he would have to answer that it just happened naturally.

“let’s go.”

Seongpil followed Jang Ha-yang to the practice room.

* * *

Singing is fun.

Making music makes me happy.

But when that happens, it’s a pain.

Snow White realized that even her favorite hobby could become a chore if it turned into work.

She took over the vocal room alone under the pretense of practicing and looked at the Girls’ League’s past achievements.

‘Debut single Girls League had 10,000 initial sales. Mini album Girls Craving had 20,000 initial sales. Full album Girls Union had 120,000 initial sales… ‘

Next up will be ‘Intro: Love’ produced by Baek Seol-ha.

How much will the next album sell for in the first week? Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. My stomach feels like it’s been retching for too long.

‘Results, only results… … .’

Teacher Lee In-seong said that the meaning of music is to make people happy.

However, Girls’ League’s music is only meaningful in terms of initial sales and music charts.

The value of the intangible thing called music is determined by lines and numbers.

‘It’s strange, it’s strange… … .’

If you look at it that way, Grammy winner Chinon and world-renowned pop opera singer Lee In-seong are considered artists inferior to Girls’ League.

Is that really true?

no.

‘Yeah, no. Numbers are nothing. Let’s just focus on the music I want to do… … .’

But that can’t be done.

Snow White knows better than anyone that numbers are everything.

Every industry is results driven. Every business is judged by numbers.

In the entertainment industry, once you get into business, you can’t help but look at numbers.

If I fail, if I fail, what do I do…?

‘I wish I were alone.’

If only there had been a name like Snow White, it wouldn’t have been this painful.

Snow White’s failure would mean the failure of the Girls’ League. All members could end up committing an unforgivable sin.

and.

‘Director Park will be disappointed.’

He is the person who believed in me and appointed me as the first producer. He is the person who even confessed in broad daylight to me, asking me to become an idol. He is the person who helped me find the light in myself that the world could not find.

Disappoint that person.

‘I’m going to disappoint the people at work too.’

The Girls’ League is the pillar that supports Garo Enter. If that pillar is shaken, the way people look at Baek Seol-ha will also change.

Thinking about the outcome that has not yet unfolded, Snow White feels like running away right now.

But because she can’t run away, Snow White releases her emotions by crying. She cries alone in a room where no one is present.

Then the door opened.

I thought he was a member, but he wasn’t.

“ah.”

It was Seongpil.

Seongpil looks at himself with surprised eyes.

Snow White hurriedly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Then she realized something. She had been waiting for this moment.

While persistently hiding this suffering, he waited for Seongpil to notice.

“Director Park.”

Jang Ha-yang’s voice is heard through the door where Seong-pil is holding the doorknob. Baek Seol-ha trembles and hides her presence.

I heard a story that Joara cried.

Snow White’s heart sank.

‘I can’t do this anymore, I… … .’

That must be because of Baek Seol-ha herself. The standards she set were so high that Jo Ara eventually lost her will.

Snow White’s head turned pure white.

However, Baek Seol-ha smiled at Seong-pil as if telling him to hurry up and go. She even waved her hand, telling him to hurry up and go to Jo A-ra.

Seongpil wasn’t looking this way, but Baekseolha was.

‘Go.’

He spoke silently.

Perhaps his heart had been touched, as Seongpil slowly closed the door.

Snow White was left alone again.

She thought.

‘really…….’

Went.

On the topic of being told to go, Baekseol felt a sadness spread throughout her chest as if she had been bruised.

Why does enlightenment always follow action?

Hiding my pain while hoping that Seongpil would understand.

I told him to go, even though I hoped Seongpil would stay.

‘… … Director Park believed in me.’

Because Snow White is strong, because she is a leader.

So I went to Joara first.

It will be like that, for sure.

* * *

Joara collapsed on the practice room floor. She had stopped crying a long time ago. But she couldn’t get up.

After crying once, it felt like all the strength in my body had left me. No, after revealing my feelings to the world, I even lost the strength in my soul.

“Ara-chan… … .”

Rika hugged Joara tightly, sobbing.

If it were normal, I would have pushed it away saying it was annoying, but Joara just stared into space.

“What do you want to drink? You need to replenish the water loss! I’ll bring you a jug of Director Han’s health juice! Drink it all!”

Rika raised her tension to cheer up Joara even while sobbing.

I did think that a day like this would come someday.

Joara’s condition hasn’t been good lately.

The moment I opened my eyes in the morning, I suddenly burst into tears.

Before entering the practice room, I squatted for several minutes, hyperventilating due to excessive tension.

There were also frequent instances of me groaning as if I was having nightmares while I was sleeping.

“Ugh.”

Shin A-reum also continued to look at Jo A-ra like that. She sighed and gently stroked her back.

The reason I didn’t report this situation to the company is because Jo Ara told me not to.

It wasn’t that I was trying to hide it from the company.

The person he wanted to hide was Snow White. He kept it a secret because he didn’t want Snow White to know Joara’s ideals.

“The team leader will come again and make a fuss.”

“Yeah!”

When Rika heard that Seongpil was coming, she quickly brought a tissue and wiped Joara’s face.

“Director Park will be worried! Ara-chan, let’s quickly hide the tear stains!”

“Joara, aren’t you embarrassed too? Don’t just lie there. Get up quickly… … .”

At that moment, the practice room door opened.

Seongpil came inside with Jang Hayang. As soon as he saw Jo Ara’s face, Seongpil’s embarrassment was clearly evident.

Rika stood in front of Joara like a bodyguard flying away from the incoming bullets.

“Ha, Ara-chan’s condition isn’t as bad as you heard from Hayang-sister! Girls sometimes have days like this! Director Park has gotten older and has become more tearful! That’s how it is!”

“Team Leader, why are you bringing up the topic of age?”

“Ara-chan, please say something… … .”

Jo Ara has been trying to hide the fact that she is having a hard time. Rika and Shin A-reum, who live in the same room at the dorm, have always seen Jo Ara’s efforts.

That’s why it was desperate.

If Seongpil finds out, it won’t be long before the news spreads to Baek Seol-ha.

Joara’s efforts are falling apart…

“I can’t do it.”

When Joara said that, Rika and Shin Areum opened their mouths in shock.

“Ara-chan!”

“mister.”

Joara spoke again and again, still sitting on the floor. Her crying had completely disappeared.

That was scarier.

It’s much scarier to be calm than to cry and cling.

“I really can’t do this anymore… … .”

Joara had sadness hanging over her face. The sadness was so heavy that her head gradually dropped.

“I can’t do it… … .”

Snow White loves the members of the Girls’ League. Her love is limitless. She loves the members so much that she would give up her favorite chicken legs over and over again.

But this time during practice, she was merciless. Baek Seol-ha was so thorough and harsh that she pushed the members to the point where you might have suspected she was a completely different person.

Snow White, who drives the members to their limits without mercy, is literally like iron flowing instead of blood.

“I, now… … .”

Even Jo Ara, who was physically fit enough to dance all the time she was awake, could not live up to Baek Seol-ha’s expectations.

I’ve been through all kinds of hardships, but not this time.

I have a feeling, no, I am certain that I won’t be able to do it.

“Sir, please tell this to the teacher.”

The dance that Joara learned is street dance.

A genre of dance that is specializing in order to be used in dance battles or competitions.

It is a dance where the ultimate goal is to demonstrate high-level techniques.

The average person will exhaust themselves just by doing basic grooves, and will complain of muscle pain the next day after doing even a few simple arm or leg movements.

In order to perform the difficult movements of such a dance, you have to train your muscles. As a woman, you are born with flexibility, but on the other hand, you have to work harder because you have less muscle strength.

“I no longer… … .”

Joa became an idol and learned broadcast choreography, but she did not give up on the path of professional dancing. Rather, as each day passed, her dancing became better and better.

Joara’s body was like steel.

Each tendon is made of iron and has been modified to allow any movement to be performed.

She who danced was a human made of metal.

The movements she performs on stage may seem light to others, but the steel inside her body is red-hot and functions as a perfect machine.

That kind of girl.

“I can’t… … .”

Then Joara declared that she was giving up.

Jo Ara loves dancing and has been sculpting her muscles and body for dancing for over ten years to see the end of dancing.

She overcame countless pains, defeats, and limitations to become who she is today.

Even though I had patience that far surpassed that of most people, I had no choice but to give up.

“I can’t reach the standards the teacher requires… … .”

The standard required by the teacher.

The standard that Baekseolha desires.

I’ve tried hard, but I can’t see myself getting there.

“This, this… … .”

Jo Ara held out the lyrics sheet of ‘Apple Crush’ as ​​if showing it off. Jo Ara’s part was marked on it.

“I can never do it like you, sir. Sir… Have you heard the teacher’s guide vocals?”

Baek Seol-ha singing Jo Ara’s part reminded me of a first-class singer. Of course, since she is already a first-class singer.

Joara practiced, recorded, and listened to her part over and over again. Even though her skills improved day by day, she was still inferior to Baek Seol-ha. Maybe it will be the same even after a few years.

“I’d rather give all my parts to you, teacher.”

“Ara-chan!”

Rika grabbed Joara’s shoulder in shock.

What on earth are you talking about? Is that what you have to say? With that expression, he shook Joara’s shoulder.

Joara shook helplessly.

“I can’t do it… … .”

This was a natural conclusion for Joara.

Of course, she can practice as much as she wants. The years of dancing through pain and frustration have greatly increased her endurance.

At the same time, she could see how hard Baek Seol-ha had worked, as she had been dancing for a long time.

Although they were in different fields, the amount of time Baek Seol-ha devoted to singing was something that Jo Ara could not keep up with.

Just as Baek Seol-ha can’t keep up with Jo Ara’s dance.

Fundamental expressiveness and technique will remain forever out of reach.

therefore.

“Please tell the teacher, sir. Please… … .”

“Hey, just fix it Ara-chan! This part can be a little easier… … .”

“no!”

When Joara shouted, Rika froze.

“Rika, don’t you know?”

Joara smiled. The corners of her mouth and eyes were trembling, and it was a smile that looked like it could collapse at any moment.

She showed the lyrics to Rika.

“This is the teacher’s dream… … .”

Joara crumpled the lyrics she was holding in her hand. She didn’t mean to do that. Her hands just clenched on their own.

“You can do it. Shin A-reum can do it. Even Hayang can do it, but I can’t… … .”

It’s late.

Yeah, that’s the word.

That’s exactly what Joara wanted to express.

“I’m late… … . Oh, I don’t have enough time to do this… … .”

“Araya, me too.”

Jang Ha-yang approached Jo A-ra as if trying to comfort her.

“I’m like you too… … .”

“You’re different, sister.”

“……I?”

“My sister has a nice voice. It’s often mentioned in the comments on music videos. She’s different from me.”

When Girls’ League debuted, there were surprisingly many comments praising Jang Ha-yang’s vocals in the music video for “Ani.”

It’s not Snow White, it’s Jang Ha-yang.

Jeong Ji-eum even apologized to Jang Ha-yang. She said she was sorry for trying to shorten her part.

Min Kyung-seop expressed his discomfort during the general meeting. He said he never expected this to happen.

To that extent, Jang Ha-yang’s vocal tone could be said to be unrivaled within the Girls’ League.

“I can’t do anything with singing or vocals. It’s too late, yeah, it’s too late… … .”

I’d rather ruin Snow White’s dream by reducing the difficulty.

Joara herself will either reduce her part or eliminate it altogether.

Snow White’s guide vocals are perfect.

To that perfection.

“I don’t want to tarnish the Girls’ League just because I’m a member. I can’t.”

Joara will protect Baekseolha’s dream. By stepping down, Baekseolha’s dream will be completed and revealed to the world.

“That’s what I want to say. Yes, that’s right.”

* * *

Seongpil only listened to Joara’s story.

He didn’t interrupt and say, “No, you can do it,” or “Why don’t you try a little harder?”

Seongpil just listened until Joara’s voice became close to despair and finally fell into the abyss.

If another member had said the same thing as Jo Ara, Sungpil would have intervened.

“I see.”

I opened my mouth only after hearing the whole story.

“Yeah, yeah… … .”

Seongpil nodded as if he understood.

In fact, I didn’t know what to say, so I just wasted time.

Should he agree with her? Should he deny her? Sungpil’s head quickly turned. He thought about it more delicately than when he was dealing with the other members.

It was thanks to having met her in my past life.

‘Ara hates giving answers right away.’

I often used to say that I didn’t like people like that, citing my mother and father as examples.

When Joara’s parents told her about her worries, instead of listening to her, they judged her, made conclusions, and provided solutions.

He said that he felt the arrogance typical of adults who have lived a mediocre life, achieved mediocre things, and built up their self-esteem by being satisfied with mediocre things.

It’s like you’re just accepting a child’s worries as childish worries and then getting tired of trying to provide solutions as a capable adult.

‘I am…….’

Actually, there wasn’t really anything for Seongpil to say.

It was up to Baek Seol-ha to accept it or not. Seong-pil’s job was to say, “Okay,” and then report to Baek Seol-ha.

However, Seongpil was just standing there, thinking blankly.

‘ah.’

At that moment, Seongpil gained enlightenment.

It was a truly unpleasant realization.

‘I’m no different from Yoon Sang-yeol.’

Seongpil tries to get the child, who has been pushed to his limit and has burst into tears, to run again.

If I had to point out a difference between him and Yoon Sang-yeol, it would be that Sung-pil doesn’t force her to wake up.

‘May my words and heart reach Ara.’

Praying like that, Seongpil said.

“Araya.”

He squatted down on the floor and made eye contact with Joara. Rika was between Joara and Seongpil, so Seongpil carefully pushed Rika aside.

Then Joara’s eyes met mine.

I looked at her from the same height.

“You said you wanted to sing well, right?”

The reason Jo Ara showed off her vocal performance of her personal song ‘Dance With Me’ at the concert.

It was to highlight my vocals to the fans. To use that as motivation to work harder.

Joara mustered up her courage and went up on stage holding only a microphone.

“Araya, we went to karaoke before, right?”

Seongpil, Rika, Yuuto, and Joara.

The four of us went to a karaoke like this.

“Back then, you told me that I was really bad at singing. Even now, you sometimes bring that up and say things like I’m tone-deaf. Whenever you do that, I get upset for no reason, so I tell you that you can’t sing… … .”

Seongpil apologized sincerely.

“Sorry. I actually like your songs.”

“……yes?”

“I love it. Your voice… … .”

Jo Ara couldn’t understand what Sungpil was talking about. Was he trying to appease her? Was he trying to appease her like he would a child?

But even so, Sungpil’s face had the shyness characteristic of someone who speaks his heart.

If it were normal, I would have been angry and upset at the soothing words, but this time I didn’t. It must be because I felt Seongpil’s sincerity.

“Your pronunciation is good. It’s clear. I can hear every consonant even when you say just one word. Your high notes are straight and refreshing. Just listening to it makes my body shiver, like it’s touching ice. Your falsetto is also good. It has an R&B feel to it, so it’s soulful. It’s appealing. I, I wasn’t going to say this, but I once cut out only four parts from a song and listened to it on repeat… … .”

“… … .”

Jo Ara blankly listened to Seong Pil’s words, then looked at Jang Ha Yang. Jang Ha Yang was glaring at Seong Pil as if she was going to pierce the back of his head.

Next I looked at Rika. Rika nodded.

“mister.”

“huh.”

“I feel, a little, bad about that.”

“… … I guess so.”

“No, I like my voice, well, it feels good, but when I play it on repeat, it’s a bit… … .”

“sorry…….”

“No, it’s not that you should feel sorry, sir. Yes… … It’s embarrassing, to hear someone hear my voice like that, no, I’ll tell you clearly. It feels weird.”

“sorry…….”

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

It was clearly a serious atmosphere, and a serious situation that would determine the success or failure of the group, but Jo Ara smiled without thinking.

It was because of Seongpil’s face that turned red like an apple.

“I, I really didn’t want to talk about this. The reason I did it was because I think your voice is that good. No, I’m not saying I like it subjectively, but I mean your tone is objectively good!”

“Okay. So?”

Seongpil’s complexion brightened. It seemed as if Joara’s mood had lightened a little.

“Araya, when you’re late for an appointment, don’t you think, ‘I’m not going to go since I’m already late,’?”

Joara realized what Sungpil was trying to say. She thought it was a truly exquisite metaphor.

“Because you’re late, you should try to go faster. Being late is not a reason to quit. Just walk a little faster because you’re late. Sweating is unpleasant, but you can run. If that doesn’t work, you can catch a taxi. That’s all you need to do.”

Seongpil stretched his legs and stood up. Then he reached out his hand toward Jo Ara.

“The reason I’m saying this is because you said, ‘I want to sing well.’ I don’t know how much you suffered while practicing. At least, when I suddenly burst into tears… … .”

“Team Leader, after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, I suddenly cried every time I worked. For about a week.”

“… … Except, almost nothing. I can’t understand your pain, and I don’t know how you feel right now. If what you said about wanting to sing well is true.”

If it’s true that he wants to sing so beautifully that his fans will love him, then he really wants to show his fans his voice.

“Take my hand now. I will help you too.”

“… … How?”

“I will wait by your side until your practice is over, like a servant. No, not a servant. I will stick by your side like I did when I was your dedicated manager. Araya.”

Seongpil extended his hand further towards her.

“I want to hear you sing ‘Apple Crush.’ I want to keep listening to your songs. I hope your fans do too.”

“… … .”

Joara recalled the fan meeting.

There was a girl named Kim Maria. She looked at Jo Ara with eyes full of longing. Jo Ara found that gaze burdensome.

What was it about him that so captivated Maria Kim?

Judging from the fact that she said ‘Ara-chan Sekushi (sexy)’, it seemed to be because of her outstanding sexuality that she couldn’t hide no matter how hard she tried… … .

Anyway, Joara had promised herself that day.

He said that he would make all the fans and people who see him like Maria Kim.

For that, you’ll need a song, obviously…

“I don’t know if I can help, but I’ll help. Araya, let’s do this together.”

Joara’s hand, which was touching the floor, twitched.

If she holds Seongpil’s hand, Joara will have to chase after light in the swamp of despair again.

Snow White must go towards the light that she can never reach. It will be a painful path. It will be a journey of suffering where she will swim in self-loathing at every moment.

“Atashi (I) will help you too!”

Rika grabbed Joara’s arm and led her towards Seongpil. But she couldn’t reach him.

“What are you doing? Catch me quickly.”

Shin A-reum also placed her hand on Rika’s and pulled Jo A-ra’s arm. But she couldn’t reach Seong-pil.

“Araya, you have a clear pronunciation, straight high notes, and a soulful vocal with an R&B feel that makes your body shiver as if you touched ice just by listening to it. So talented that Director Park cut out your part and listened to it on repeat. I’ll help you too.”

Jang Ha-yang went behind Jo A-ra and gently pushed her back.

Finally, Joara’s hand touched Seongpil’s hand.

The first to touch were Sungpil’s index finger and Joara’s middle finger. The two fingers flinched the moment they touched, but soon they held onto each other tightly like tree branches that became entangled as time passed.

Sungpil’s hands were sweaty. Maybe that’s why he slightly relaxed his grip. Instead, he tightened his grip. Then he grabbed her hand and pulled her up.

“There are conditions.”

Joara said.

Everyone focused on her.

“Let’s pretend today… never happened.”

“Okay. You never sat down on the floor and cried, saying, ‘I can’t do this!’ right?”

“Ara-chan is cute!”

“Ahaha, haha, haa… … .”

Why did Jang Ha-yang sigh? No one knew why, but no one bothered to ask.

Joara held Seongpil’s hand tightly and waited for his answer.

“What should I do?”

Seongpil’s answer was set.

“I’ll forget.”

“then.”

Joara let go of Seongpil’s hand.

“I’ll just hold on a little longer.”

Since we started late in the first place, we had to accept that we would be sweating and running uncomfortably.

Snow White is waiting at the meeting place.

* * *

Seongpil seemed to have forgotten his promise to stay with Jo Ara while she practiced, and he left the practice room in a hurry as soon as the situation was over.

He said he had something urgent to do.

“Then what? The mood is good, should we practice right away?”

“Of course you should. Joara, you call first.”

“Me first? Hey, see… … .”

My throat is sore from crying.

It’s a bit awkward to call it that, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Joara felt a strange elation lingering in her chest. She had felt this feeling before.

‘Runner’s high.’

How I feel about 7 minutes into running on the treadmill.

The point where running is not difficult at all.

When that time comes, Joara can run happily. An exhilarating feeling of being able to go anywhere, anytime, enveloped her whole body.

‘Why is it like this?’

It’s not like I’m running. For some reason, my brain seems to be secreting pleasure substances.

Maybe the sadness she felt earlier was transmitted to her brain later, and her brain was frantically releasing various hormones to calm her down.

“Ahem, ahem.”

Joara blushed slightly as everyone watched her. Then she took a step forward.

Before the concert, I recall the advice Sungpil gave me.

‘What a person who goes up on stage must have until the very end is not skill.’

courage.

Joara sings.

In a straight voice that seemed like it would break at the end.