Producer with no Regrets - Chapter 809



Only Noblemtl

Episode 809

Erica was surprised when ‘Lotus’ started. It was because Noah’s singing style was different from what he and Sungpil had agreed on. To be precise, it went back to the way it was.

‘What is this…?’

The changed one is much better, so why?

‘Oh, you’re nervous.’

Since you practiced the original song for a much longer time, you must have been so nervous that you sang it like the original song without realizing it.

‘I guess I’ll change my singing style when I finish the first verse and go into the chorus. I think it’ll be better that way because it’ll have a stronger dramatic effect.’

Erica focused on playing the guitar without thinking much. However, there was no change in Noah’s singing style in the first chorus, the second verse, or the second chorus.

At this point, it’s harder not to notice.

‘I’m not nervous.’

I decided to just sing it like the original song.

I understand why.

‘Because I’m not sure.’

Like an idiot.

‘No matter who hears it, the changed one is better.’

There’s even a live band session planned for the first time ever. If you don’t give it your all now, when are you going to do it again?

Erica glanced at Noah as if to reprimand him.

And I saw Noah, singing mechanically with empty eyes.

Erica was momentarily stunned.

‘I’ve seen eyes like those before.’

These are Baek Seol-ha’s eyes when filming ‘Music for Companionship’. The same eyes as Baek Seol-ha, who gave all the credit to Erica even though they made the song together.

At that time, Snow White seemed to lack confidence. Later, I heard that her mother had been in a car accident. Her damaged mentality must have affected her confidence.

At that time, when they were composing songs together, Baek Seol-ha left all the choices to Erica. No, even when Erica said that Baek Seol-ha’s melody was good, she denied it.

It wasn’t humble.

‘Because I can’t affirm myself.’

Snow White must have had ears. She must have known that the melody she wrote was good.

Even so, the reason he said that Erica’s melody was good was because he didn’t trust himself. So he couldn’t trust the melody he created either.

Snow White wanted to take off her burden and put it on Erica. She would have nothing left in her hands when she reached the finish line, but there was no danger of her collapsing along the way.

Erica, whose thoughts reached that point, ran to the front of the stage.

And turned his back on the audience.

He responded to Noah’s surprised face by plucking the guitar strings. It was a rough solo ad-lib that seemed like it would snap the strings.

‘look.’

This is improvisation.

It probably won’t be very good. But I’ll do it anyway. Because I’m confident. Because I believe in myself.

You can do it too.

I have to do it.

He conveys his feelings through music and his eyes.

‘Until I reach you!’

Noah averted his eyes.

“… … ?!”

Erica’s performance almost ended.

Yeah, that’s how it comes out, right? Then I’ll play until you’re convinced. Until you believe in yourself and believe in your song!

However, common sense tells you that it would be impossible to continue playing.

Because there is a limit to the creative performances that Erica can improvise.

‘Then I’ll do it until I reach my limit.’

Erica clenched her teeth. Her eyes were bloodshot as blood rushed to her head due to her performance that was pushing her limits.

Every joint of my fingers is numb.

The diversity of phrases is also gradually disappearing.

But so far it’s been a pretty good performance.

Erica looked at Noah and asked with her eyes.

‘how is it!’

Noah opened his mouth halfway, stuck out his lips, and his gaze was unclear.

“… … ?!”

Erica’s lips trembled.

Yeah, keep ignoring it.

I keep playing.

‘Help me, Polypia.’

Give me more expressions.

‘Help me, Oz Noy.’

Give me more fancy techniques.

‘Help me, Greg Howe.’

Give me a stronger stylishness.

I played the guitar and shouted out to countless idols, but eventually it came to an end. I couldn’t think of any more phrases to ad-lib.

If you play any further, it seems like a medley of practice songs you used to play when you were a beginner will pop out.

It’s often said that band members have two or three killer guitar riffs.

Erica did the same.

I even threw away all the killer melody lines that I had promised myself I would use someday to become a copyright millionaire.

But Noah didn’t even look at Erica straight in the eye with his shaking eyes.

‘Okay, that’s it.’

Erica let out a sigh she had been holding back. Sweat ran down her chin as if it had been waiting for it.

‘If that’s your choice… … .’

At that moment, a heavy sound, like the sound of a pipe organ, hit my eardrums.

The vertically stacked chords surge forward like violence.

It was Rica.

* * *

‘Girls’ League X Bugbug Invasion!’ was not a very pleasant experience for Rika.

There was only one reason, and that was it.

The sight of Seongpil sticking close to Hana and taking care of her from start to finish brought to mind scenes from the past.

This was when Rika was a trainee.

Of course, that wasn’t the only reason she was offended. If she had been just another ordinary idol aspirant, Rika wouldn’t have been so upset.

‘They look alike.’

One of them resembled Rika’s past self.

I wasn’t talking about things like appearance.

Seeking the approval of others without confidence is exactly like my past self.

You could call it homophobia.

Why does one act so frustratingly, why does one get hurt so easily, why does one become frustrated and shed tears?

I was annoyed because I understood everything from A to Z.

‘There’s no need for that.’

There’s no need to compare yourself to others and feel so sad and cry.

wake up.

You can do it.

Even though I wanted to comfort her like that, when I saw Sungpil clapping and cheering for Hana, my anger that I didn’t have before started to well up.

Is this what my seniors meant when they said that when a new group comes into a company, it feels like you’re an old man in the back room?

Fortunately, the ‘Girls’ League X Bugbug Invasion!’ ended without any major incidents. Rika was relieved that she no longer had to see Sungpil comforting Hana.

And in the beginning of Samurai Girls, Rika was in the same situation.

Just like his past self, Noah stuck to Sungpil’s side with a piece of paper on his face that said, ‘I have no confidence, please cheer me on.’

‘Get the compliment from your producer! Why are you talking to Director Park!’

One was the first Japanese idol that Sungpil fell in love with. Noah was the first Japanese person Sungpil chose as a trainee.

Rika felt like her identity was becoming blurred. Her anxiety gradually grew as people similar to her began to hang around Sungpil.

But the good news is that neither of them are as good as Rica.

‘It could be similar to me.’

But they can’t be the same.

Since I am a human similar to Rika, I will pursue a similar path to Rika, but I will never be able to reach the level that Rika has reached.

‘I am one of a kind.’

Because he is the best idol recognized by Sungpil.

As expected, it was the same on this stage.

Noah didn’t have the artistry that Sungpil expected. In the end, he just ran away to take the easy way out. He didn’t have the courage to step onto the difficult path on his own.

That’s the crucial difference between Rika and Noah.

‘Yes, go down like that.’

In the end, Seongpil’s favor will disappear.

To the extent that he watched quietly as Noah was unable to bloom and dug into the ground, disappearing before his eyes.

Rika is not a bad person.

In any case, he is a colleague. He is someone who has the same worries as his past self. He is infinitely tender, still a child.

Rika followed Erica’s lead and asked Noah.

I was going to ask.

‘What should I do?’

Of course, Rika has never done anything like improvisation.

So I did what I saw.

I got the idea from a performance that Chinon performed when I visited Kevin’s recording site in the US. It’s about continuously strumming chords with both hands.

The band session was a little slow to respond. They kept the existing rhythm and prepared to respond to Rika’s performance. They are professionals, after all.

‘But, what’s next…?’

What can I do with just the code?

I need a melody.

The ability to improvise melodies… … .

‘There is no such thing?’

Then it is decided.

Rika held back tears and squeezed out a melody. No, she let out the melody that was in her heart.

‘bye.’

Beautiful melodies that you would have put into the songs of your junior idols someday and made you a copyright millionaire.

Riding on the chords of the left hand, the beautiful melodies that Rika has built up over the years continue one after another.

A feast of music. In it, Rika was finally able to speak frankly to Noah.

“Noah-chan.”

Raise your left hand and erase the chord.

“I’ll go.”

Go outside the box.

* * *

‘Stars don’t disappear. They just appear to disappear because the Earth rotates. If you don’t see them, they’ve just turned their backs. They’re still there. They won’t disappear.’

There was a time when Yoon Sang-yeol comforted Noah, who was discouraged.

‘I’m sorry, PD Yoon.’

At that time, I pretended to know and tried to comfort Yoon Sang-yeol, but in reality, I did it because I was embarrassed.

I was just twitching for no reason because I was afraid that trying to cheer myself up with just a word would seem too childish.

‘Actually, I felt comforted.’

Noah looks at the stars that are individually placed in the sky. They are Noah’s milestones and the utopia he must reach.

But sometimes it is not visible.

The cloud of doubt obscures the stars. At such times, Noah would look only in the direction pointed by others, thinking, “Perhaps there really is no such thing as stars?”

Towards such a Noah, Yoon Sang-yeol spoke confidently.

‘You turned your back.’

The stars are always there.

‘I’m sorry, PD Yoon.’

Noah apologized again.

This time it was an apology in a different sense.

‘I know what PD Yoon wants.’

What Yoon Sang-yeol wants is the lofty laws of heaven. The movements of celestial bodies that reveal the divine rules without the slightest error.

Idols who shine like giant celestial bodies that always proudly stand their ground even when you turn your head and look again.

Perfect craftsmanship, magnificent form, and splendid eternity.

What Yoon Sang-yeol wants is that kind of idol.

‘But no matter how much I think about it, I can never become something that great.’

I don’t think I can grant your request.

There is no compromise.

I said this when I first heard about ‘Lotus’, but I want to tell this story.

I want to sing about the essence that flows out through the pipes in my soul, squeezing my soul, even if it is extremely turbid.

‘sorry.’

Noah apologized one last time.

‘To PD Yoon, it would be a trivial wish and a shabby sparkle.’

But for me, it is a very precious memory.

My world is not as colorful as Rika’s, nor as big as Erika’s, and of course it is shabby compared to Tomoe’s.

But it’s my world that I created.

‘Even if only for this moment, I want to talk about such a trivial but precious story.’

My own story, in my own style.

‘It’s embarrassing to call it artistry.’

Let’s call it idolism.

* * *

[Our path is against gravity

Even if the earth pulls us and tells us to lie down

Going towards the sun

Our way.]

They say that good lyrics don’t need a song to be put to music. But that’s partly wrong.

Because the lyrics take rhythm into account, it is difficult to fully understand the context and meaning just by reading them.

It is a work created by sound and writing together.

As much as you have to pay attention to rhyme, your lyrics should be closer to poetry than prose.

[It’s not the life we ​​wanted, but

Because it’s the path we’ve walked

This engraved wound

Not a scar

Let’s call it a constellation.]

But what should I say about Noah’s lyrics? They don’t seem to fit the song.

That’s probably because it’s more prosaic than poetic. It can’t be helped, because Noah is neither a poet nor a lyricist.

[The star that will show us our way

Not that distant sky

It’s engraved on us.]

The first feeling Yoon Sang-yeol had when he read Noah’s lyrics was that ‘it doesn’t taste good when you sing it.’

There is a part that strangely sticks out.

To put it simply, it’s rough.

There are parts that keep popping between the teeth, like unrefined rice.

[No one wants to see it

I’m in the dirty mud

I don’t even expect it

[I’m working hard and making progress.]

That’s why Yoon Sang-yeol tried to edit and proofread the lyrics. Since he wasn’t familiar with Japanese, he got help from a Japanese person named Noah.

I can still clearly see Noah trembling with nervousness next to me.

[You don’t have to get hurt.

You won’t have to suffer.

If you give up, if you just give up

You won’t have to shed any more tears.]

Why is Noah trembling?

Composer Sang-Yeol Yoon understood this more than enough.

A song is the child of its composer.

Then, to a lyricist, lyrics would be like a child.

Every single word of the lyrics Noah wrote was a child born of Noah’s pain. Those children were going to die soon, so there’s no way he wouldn’t tremble and give birth.

[But I don’t give up

Fall down and get hurt

I won’t stop.]

It’s going to be a tough day.

Still, it is something that must be done.

Yoon Sang-yeol, holding a ballpoint pen, erased the lyrics one by one.

I erased all the parts where I wrote prosaically without any poetic imagery.

The more this happened, the more Noah’s eyes became wet.

Well, this might be your first time experiencing something like this.

[A baby who first encounters the world

The tears you shed are not sadness.

As if you have to cry to see the light

The tears we shed

It’s proof that we’ve been fighting.]

Certainly, the lyrics have become more enjoyable to sing and read after I’ve polished them. However, although I can’t express it specifically, I felt like something important was missing.

The unique adhesiveness that seemed to prepare for a dive at the tip of the tongue disappeared, and it became excessively smooth.

The delicate energy that was being chewed inside and trying to force its way out disappeared without a trace.

[This crying won’t stop.

It kept going until I saw the sun

It will seep in like rain.

If you give up, you won’t get it

It’s a filter.]

Yoon Sang-yeol looked back and forth between the lyrics and Noah. At that time, Noah had already lost his will to live and was just sobbing.

Towards such a Noah, Yoon Sang-yeol made a demand.

Try calling it again with the unchanged version.

[Today is a day to smile

Even if it’s the last day

Because I could laugh

The tears I shed before

It all made sense.]

As expected, I got caught.

Noah’s song went in one ear and out the other, and lingered in my head.

Yoon Sang-yeol admitted it.

The lyrics say let’s go like this.

And the framework was thoroughly designed to fit those lyrics.

But I felt uncomfortable. Those lyrics must have been imperfect, so why did I acknowledge them?

[We are flowers blooming in the mud.

Born with a constellation

A flower blooming in the mud.]

Now I understand.

What Yoon Sang-yeol erased was energy. It was the soul’s cry that contained in the human being named Noah, ‘I must tell this story.’

Noah advances into the world of music that Yoon Sang-yeol has painstakingly created. He advances, approaches, approaches until the distance becomes 0, and then destroys it.

Noah, who destroyed Yoon Sang-yeol’s world, doesn’t stop there.

Eventually, the ‘lotus’ will jump over.

Even Noah, his own master, unreasonably and illogically surpassed himself and landed next to the constellation.

[Lotus]

The final lyrics.

The essence squeezed from her soul gathers at the corners of her lips and finally falls to the surface of the water.

The fallen sleep is the audience watching this scene. The ripples spread out. The ripples are directed towards Noah on the stage in the form of a gaze.

and.

People are waiting for the moment when her song will end.

A signal that fall is coming to an end and winter is about to begin.

He was looking at it blankly, as if it were a maple tree just before it was finished turning.

* * *

“and…….”

The belated applause came along with MC Ayumu’s exclamation.

The silence, with neither the band’s performance nor Noah’s song, made it seem as if time had stopped.

Everyone had to savor the aftertaste until Ayumu let out her exclamation.

“He definitely is.”

Choi Yu-hyeon, sitting next to Yoon Sang-yeol, trembled and waved his arms.

“It’s true that you should sing in Japanese.”

“… … .”

“… … PD-nim?”

Yoon Sang-yeol did not answer.

I couldn’t answer.

Fireworks were going off in his head. The answer he had never found before became the starting point, filling his head with color.

‘You did… … that’s it.’

Sungpil obsessively erases any trace of the producer from idols.

‘No… … I see.’

It’s the opposite.

More than anything, Sungpil leaves a big mark on idols.

“It could have been… … … .”

“yes?”

Despite Choi Yu-hyeon’s questions, Yoon Sang-yeol only repeated incomprehensible words.

“Like Caius… … I can be… … .”

A flower bud that was thought to never bloom.

Flowers that I thought would have at least some hope of revealing leaves at the end of the season.

“It was something that could be done… … .”

A light that I thought I could only grab by throwing myself into the darkest space behind the curtain.

The light that Yoon Sang-yeol devoted his youth to recreate.

If the light that he could never bring out would shine brightly as soon as it touched someone else’s hand.

“What the hell am I… … .”

“Oh, Noah, is he crying?”

“what…….”

“Oh my, I’m in big trouble. I’m almost sobbing… … Huh?”

* * *

Seongpil hid around the corner of the hallway wall and peeked his head out.

A break room inside the broadcasting station with several benches. Noah is just staring blankly at the vending machine, as if trying to memorize the types of drinks on offer.

“Ugh, ugh.”

Seongpil coughed and turned to Noah. Noah flinched and rubbed his eyes vigorously with the back of his hands. Then he forced a smile with his eyes that were red as if he had put on makeup.

“Team Leader Park is here.”

“Yeah. It’s been a long time since you left, but you still haven’t come back.”

“Oh, I see. I guess it’s time to go out.”

As Noah was about to stand up, Seongpil quickly walked over to the vending machine and put in a coin.

“What would you like to drink? Aren’t you thirsty?”

“Are you indirectly criticizing me for being so clumsy on stage… … ?”

“No, no! It was touching and good! I think other people like it too!”

“Do people like it when I cry… … .”

“No, that’s not it… … .”

Noah giggled. Seongpil swallowed a sigh as he realized that Noah had been teasing him.

She picked out her favorite drink and sat down next to him.

The sound of a can being opened, two people slurping liquid, and a moment of silence.

“Noah.”

Seongpil kneaded his thighs as if massaging them, barely able to get the question out of his mouth.

“You didn’t like what I did with you?”

It’s a question I’ve been pondering for a long time, whether to ask or not.

A few nights ago, Noah had asked Sungpil to make him shine, saying that he would do whatever he was told.

Seongpil accepted willingly.

Because she is Noah, and because she is Yoon Sang-yeol’s idol.

It was an expression of the deep-seated inferiority complex that had been buried deep inside the heart because there was no opportunity to reveal it.

“So at first… … you sang it like the original song?”

Seongpil held on to Noah as if he had been waiting for this day.

He organized a live version stage using all the experience and knowledge he had accumulated as a producer.

With respect and consideration, sometimes a gentle refusal, but without ignoring her, he tried to enter the jewel-stacked cave of her soul.

And finally, he was rescued.

But, was it only Seongpil who saw it as a jewel?

“I’m not planning on saying anything. I’m just asking because I’m really curious. In the near future… … I won’t have time to talk to you like this… … .”

Was it just Sungpil’s coercion?

Was it just Seongpil’s wish?

Was it Seongpil’s own ideal that he forced upon himself?

Actually, maybe Noah didn’t need that at all.

Ultimately, isn’t Sungpil himself just a person who is no better than Yoon Sangyeol?

Rather, Noah… … .

“Because I wanted to learn as a producer… … .”

“It was good.”

Noah laughed coolly.

“It was only for a short time, but I was happy to be Team Leader Park’s idol. I see, is this how the Girls’ League is always like? It must be fun.”

Is this the time he took away from Somin?

Noah stared at his feet with a dark face, then stood up with a light shake of his butt and threw the can into the trash can.

“If I ever make an album, could you participate as a director?”

“… … Huh, huh?”

Seongpil nodded vigorously.

“Oh, of course, anytime… … .”

“I promised, Director Park!”

Noah held out his little finger. Seongpil linked fingers with hers.

Noah smiled, a genuine smile that she was trying to hide.

“See you next time!”

After saying those words, Noah ran briskly and disappeared from Seongpil’s sight.

The lightness she left behind.

A joy that can be felt even from the back.

And the word ‘I was happy’.

“Yeah, next time, again… … .”

It was just a slight scent left behind where she had disappeared, but that alone made Seongpil feel saved.

Seongpil slowly got up from his seat as he savored Noah’s traces.

And then he recited to himself the answer that Noah had not heard.

“certainly.”

Samurai Girls.

“I will save you.”

end.