Return of Mount Hua Sect - Chapter 1740



Only Noblemtl

Episode 1740. Can You Hold On? (5)

It was quiet. Neither the standing nor the sitting person opened their mouths.

Even though they knew each other was there, they just remained silent.

The half-lidded moonlight slowly moved as if tickling Baekcheon’s face. Time passed as the moonlight slowly disappeared and deep darkness descended.

For a long time, Cheongmyeong just stood there in silence.

At the end of an eternity of silence, Cheongmyeong’s frozen mouth finally opened.

“Are you feeling resentful?”

Baekcheon’s eyes slowly turned to Cheongmyeong. It creaked as if rusty hinges were opening. The laborious movement stopped, and his empty eyes stared at Cheongmyeong.

Cheongmyeong felt a little unfamiliar when he met those eyes.

When I first met Baekcheon, what was the look in his eyes? I don’t remember it well. It was a long time ago.

But at least it wouldn’t have been the same look in his eyes as it is now.

Perhaps he was full of hope and confidence. Reckless, but with a dazzling confidence that only comes from that.

“Resentment… … .”

His voice came out softly, cracked. It was a voice as empty as his eyes.

Baekcheon’s eyes look beyond Cheongmyeong to somewhere farther away. Cheongmyeong now sees his past self superimposed on Baekcheon.

What is Baekcheon looking at right now? Cheongmyeong clenched and unclenched his fist.

Baekcheon spoke slowly.

“… … If I had to do it, where would I start?”

“… … .”

“Is it the Great Leader who made this decision… … . Or is it the Sa-pae-ryeon who made me like this? Or is it me who lived recklessly without knowing the price I had to pay? Which of these… … .”

Baekcheon, who had been muttering to himself, let out a snort. No, to be exact, it was like a laugh that had tried to turn into laughter, but in the end, it failed and was scattered like dregs. That vain sound spread through the night.

“Who should I blame? No… … . Who should I blame first?”

Baekcheon’s gaze turned to my hand.

What did you say I should hold?

Well, now there’s nothing left for him to grab.

Maybe he couldn’t hold anything with his hands anymore. Maybe he was the only one who didn’t acknowledge the fact that everyone knew.

And yet… … .

“… … I was able to endure it.”

Baekcheon looked up at Cheongmyeong again.

“I could endure it. The laughter, the pitiful looks, the excruciating pain… … and the misery.”

A small smile appeared at the corner of Baekcheon’s mouth.

“Even if it meant enduring everything, even if that path meant living through hell, I just wanted to choose. Not by someone else’s will, but by my own. By my own hands.”

His eyes were again blankly turned to the empty space. They still seemed empty, but a small light flickered within them as if searching for something.

But for a moment, Baekcheon’s eyes became empty again.

Because there is nowhere to look.

“But… … Even that isn’t allowed. Even that… … .”

The words fell into thin air.

I know. All of King Hyeonjong’s decisions were solely for Baekcheon. For him, King Hyeonjong threw away many things.

The same goes for everyone else. Everyone is worried about him. Maybe he is a blessed person. But… … .

“It’s strange. I tried so hard, and worked so hard… … but in the end, it’s just the same.”

Cheongmyeong’s eyes became a little darker.

“In the end, I ended up living a life that was against my will. It was a life that was meant for me, even though I didn’t choose it.”

Baekcheon’s eyes turn to Cheongmyeong.

“Where did it go wrong? No, was it wrong from the beginning? Was what I wanted too much and too difficult? Was I perhaps too presumptuous? Was it something that someone like me shouldn’t have wanted?”

“… … .”

“Answer me.”

Baekcheon’s voice cracks.

“Answer me.”

The white sky, crouching in the darkness, looked as if it might collapse and flow away at any moment.

“You always gave me answers. You showed me the way.”

Cheongmyeong closed his eyes tightly. His eyelashes fluttered.

“So tell me. What should I do? Where should I go? What can I… what can I do?”

Cheongmyeong said nothing. He couldn’t. Because any words would be meaningless.

Whatever I say now is just empty.

“Do something. Even if it’s not an answer… … comfort, a reprimand, a curse… … anything. Don’t just stand there.”

“… … .”

“Something… … Say something, please… … .”

The Baekcheon that I had been praying for finally collapsed. It was as if it was flowing down helplessly.

“please…….”

His withered hands feebly scratched the worn-out wooden floor. His shoulders were shaking slightly.

Cheongmyeong, who had been silently looking down at the scene for a while, opened his mouth.

“There is nothing wrong.”

“… … .”

“Loss is something you can’t choose. Losing something you didn’t want to lose. That’s loss.”

As much as we gain, we also have to lose. That’s what life is like.

Cheongmyeong knew it so well that it gave him goosebumps.

I also know that the pain of losing something that should not be lost, the deep color of loss, makes death seem milder.

But even so, I couldn’t know how Baekcheon was feeling right now. A hundred people have a hundred different losses and just as many different ways to deal with them.

That is why Cheongmyeong did not offer any feeble consolation. It was not polite to someone who was struggling fiercely, driven to the edge of despair.

Cheongmyeong was contained in Baekcheon’s empty pupils.

“… …There’s nothing wrong.”

“okay.”

Baekcheon smiled softly.

“Is that so? Then what should I do now?”

The empty laughter stabbed Cheongmyeong deep into his heart. However, Cheongmyeong had no choice but to remain silent.

“Answer me.”

I just stared at Baekcheon. Then, suddenly, many emotions mixed and clumped together in Baekcheon’s eyes, which had been empty the whole time.

Cheongmyeong said with difficulty.

“I have never given an answer to Sa-suk. If he felt that way, it was Sa-suk’s mistake.”

In fact, Cheongmyeong never considered himself to be ‘showing’ the right path, because he himself was a person who had not found the right path.

Rather… …the one I relied on was Cheongmyeong.

He hadn’t found the ‘right way’, but he believed these people could.

But the one I trusted the most has lost his way. Instead, the one I believed would open the way has collapsed here. On a cliff from which I cannot go any further.

Even Cheongmyeong didn’t know what to say to that person.

What can one do when he is not allowed to turn around or go further?

Then Baekcheon asked back.

“okay?”

At that moment, Cheongmyeong saw. In Baekcheon’s eyes, where countless dregs of emotion had settled, one emotion bloomed very clearly.

“Then what are you here for?”

It’s not like I’m resentful.

“Are you trying to comfort me?”

That was… … jealousy.

“Have you come here to laugh at me? Or perhaps to preach with your lips? What are you going to say with your big mouth?”

I thought I knew.

It must be dazzling. So dazzling that you can’t bear to look at it. Everything that Baekcheon had been longing for must be in Cheongmyeong’s hands right now. At least that’s how it would appear to Baekcheon.

When you think of walking together, when you think of following a trajectory, it may seem simply splendid. But when you think of not being able to do so any longer, the light becomes too dazzling.

Enough to blind one’s eyes. Enough to burn a person’s heart black.

Cheongmyeong was used to such gazes. However, the reason why this moment was so painful and suffocating was because the person in front of her was the one she thought was the furthest from such gazes.

“I am…….”

Cheongmyeong hesitated for a moment, as if he was about to burst out in laughter.

Baekcheon probably doesn’t know.

“I think you misunderstand… … I am not as great or as outstanding a person as you think.”

I have said this many times already. It is not a matter of mere modesty. I have said it repeatedly with sincerity.

“I have nothing to say to Sa-suk.”

Some may see brilliance in Cheongmyeong, but that is nothing but a fake. Cheongmyeong is nothing but a ship in the vast ocean full of willless power, as Baekcheon had discussed.

If no one tells you, you don’t know where to go.

“Then what are you going to do… … .”

“I didn’t come here because I had something to say to you.”

Cheongmyeong interrupted Baekcheon’s words with an indifferent voice.

“I came to tell my story.”

Baekcheon was deeply despairing, but he was also flustered. It was understandable that Cheongmyeong would tell his story in front of him like this.

“Nobody asked.”

“what…….”

“How I escaped the siege of the Sapaenian. Why he let me go so easily.”

Baekcheon’s eyes shook slightly. He hadn’t thought of it. It was fortunate that Cheongmyeong had arrived in the midst of such an emergency.

But after hearing this, a belated question arose.

Why did Jang Il-so just let Cheongmyeong go?

If he had wanted to, he could have pushed them so far that they couldn’t intervene in the battlefield, even if he couldn’t kill them. Why did he insist on letting Cheongmyeong go so easily?

“Do you know how I got out?”

“You really… … .”

Cheongmyeong smiled faintly as if he had guessed.

“Don’t get me wrong. There was no deal.”

“… … .”

“He just sent it to me.”

“what?”

“Just obediently, without any conditions or demands in return.”

Suspicion appeared on Baekcheon’s face.

At the same time, the corners of Cheongmyeong’s mouth strangely went up. It was a completely different feeling from what Baekcheon had seen so far.

Cheongmyeong suddenly looked up at the night sky. It seemed as if he could hear Jang Il-so’s laughter in his ears.

– Why do you think I’m wary of you? Huh?

“That’s what he said.”

– You’re just a full-bellied pig anyway.

Cheongmyeong blinked her eyes slowly.

– That’s right.

“The moment I choose the party and turn a blind eye to the destruction of the fortune teller’s family, I realize that I am nothing more than a hypocrite who only talks the talk.”

Jang Il-so’s bright smile comes to mind. I feel pain as if my whole body is being squeezed.

– Tell those dead people out there that you’re keeping that great agreement. Don’t you think that would be fun?

Jang Il-so left first after saying those words.

But in reality, he didn’t back down. At least the words he left behind were still engraved in Cheongmyeong’s mind.

No, actually, the scar had already been carved. He just dug into the unhealed scar like a ghost and sprinkled salt on it.

“It was something I was prepared for.”

Since then. No, maybe even before then.

When the moment of choice comes, I will never hesitate, no matter how difficult it may be. If there is a price to pay for that choice, I will bear it all alone.

but…….

“You said you wanted to put your will in those hands? That’s good. But, private.”

Cheongmyeong chuckled.

“I’m the kind of person who can’t catch it.”

“… … Cheongmyeong-ah.”

“I mean, only I… … .”

I wanted to be honest with myself. I wanted to do my best this time. But then I found out.

Best efforts without will, ignorant efforts are just like swinging a blade with your eyes closed.

Those who have lost the power to carry out their will, and those who have power but do not know the way.

The two people who were supposed to be the perfect fit for each other are now unable to stand back to back. So… … .

“You asked me to answer. But, answer me first, Sa-suk.”

“… … .”

“Now… … what should I do? What should I do?”

Baekcheon’s hands trembled.

The moon peeked out from behind the clouds again. Pale moonlight shone above the clear sky, which had its gaze fixed on the sky.

“I don’t know.”

“… … .”

“Now, I… … don’t know.”

Only then did Baekcheon realize that Cheongmyeong’s small shoulders were collapsing.

Baekcheon, who couldn’t bear to look, closed his eyes.

‘I was expecting you.’

Cheongmyeong’s once strong back looks infinitely fragile. However, even if he wanted to support her, Baekcheon no longer has the strength.

Those who stopped without knowing where to go because they lost something they shouldn’t have lost… … weren’t the only ones like Baekcheon.