Rockstar Again - Chapter 136



Only Noblemtl

Episode 136. Reason (3)

My trip to the United States was scheduled for two weeks later.

It’s funny, though.

Since the old man’s words were not wrong, I did not immediately flinch and say I would go to America.

Honestly, there is no solution right now.

According to Beomseok, there is a month to spare.

In the meantime, the plan was to carry out scheduled activities, take three to four days off, meet Beomseok’s ex-wife as soon as possible, and return.

By the way, the weakness of my friend’s ex-wife, whose face I don’t even know, is maternal love…

It’s difficult.

I even feel jealous of my dead son, Beomseok. I know that it would be extremely rude to Beomseok to express it like that, so I didn’t let him know. What can I do about having such thoughts?

What I have never experienced is a mother’s love.

I don’t know.

Since I was connected to my mother when I was born, she may have loved me at that time.

If you didn’t love me that much, you wouldn’t have given birth to me.

‘I feel dirty.’

I stared blankly at the pouring rain outside the recording studio.

It’s the end of April… … It probably isn’t the rainy season yet.

Well, these days, South Korea is different from what I knew back then. It suddenly pours rain, and then a few hours later, it clears up completely.

It was very arbitrary.

Let’s put aside the small talk… …and be honest.

I don’t take this as seriously as Beomseok or Gu Seolyeong.

You might wonder if the parties involved could possibly not take it seriously.

It’s just how I feel.

Even if he revealed that he was a time traveler, there’s a higher chance that Beomseok’s ex-wife will be treated as crazy than people will believe him.

I also have a feeling that our Yoon Tae-joo, who has been quietly working as a bassist, will probably do it when the situation gets to that point.

It’s not a big deal to make a fool of one person…

The reason I wanted to step forward and resolve the issue before then was because I also felt a sense of indebtedness towards the deceased Lee Dong-ha, who was Beom-seok’s son.

Can I use that child’s identity?

You couldn’t ask the kid directly.

If you think about it, he’s my best friend’s son, so he’s like a nephew to me, but he took my most important position away without giving me anything. Even if it was the best I could do at the time, I should feel sorry.

anyway.

I don’t know what maternal love is.

That’s why this incident, which I hadn’t taken seriously, was giving me a headache.

I know fatherly love.

But I’m not sure if that’s the same as this…

I should have tasted it even a little bit, because it tastes that good. I’ve never tried it even if I just dip it.

I don’t know if this melancholic feeling I sometimes feel at times like this is longing or resentment.

So at this moment, the only choice I had was to pick up a piece of paper with a musical staff drawn on it and a pen.

‘I feel dirty… … It’s a very suitable day.’

Pouring rain.

Patrasche, who used to guard the recording studio, left, and the older brothers who were always together started spending time with their families at their own homes.

Even though he is a manager, he needs his own time, so he goes to rest, and he is in complete solitude without even Suchan hyung by his side.

There is no reason for a lonely space to be large.

The space outside the realm of perception gradually disappears.

This is not just a mental image.

Science has proven it too.

Unobserved particles become waves.

The space I am not aware of is just rippling.

As the space disappeared, the light of the world also turned on.

in the end.

I stood in a small space in pitch darkness.

Only the square hole facing me gives me a little view.

A gloomy, dark-colored sky.

Cross sections of a slightly lighter grey building.

Rain pouring down in between.

And me.

When I raise my right hand, the pen in my hand takes shape.

As I looked down, the paper showed up again.

It’s there to be recognized.

So then, did I not want to recognize the person called my mother?

Science says so.

She wasn’t there for me because I wasn’t observing her.

‘no.’

Because that person is also an observer.

I tried to observe, but she probably didn’t want to notice me, I consoled myself.

My depression pours out onto the paper.

At times like this, my right hand is just another connection point to the tool.

Because the various musical notes drawn on the staff do not come from the hand.

Some creations are revealed to the world after intense research and calculation, while others are brought out in a flash of imagination.

So this is… … an original song.

I simply draw out the sounds and emotions that were floating somewhere in the universe, write them down in modern language, and draw them with modern musical notes.

I stared blankly at the staff.

The notes and lyrics on the densely packed paper are looking at me without a single correction.

Now there’s only one thing left for me to do.

Naming this song.

That’s entirely my responsibility.

“Mother FXXk… … .”

I was trying to write the title like that, but I ended up drawing lines all over the place.

The reason I wrote the title in English is simple.

Because the lyrics that expressed my shameful feelings were in English.

Perhaps it was a manifestation of my shame, of not wanting to show my true self to those around me.

Korean is… … pretty explicit.

It is a language that expresses emotions accurately.

On the other hand, English is a bit more… … just as you like?

Maybe I feel that way because English is a language, not a culture, to me. What matters is how I think.

‘Don’t fxxk with me.’

I picked up the pen again and drew a line under with.

Don’t fxxk with me.

Much better.

Boo-.

Then he tore out the pages of the drawn notebook.

It’s like a piece of paper that has become a complete sheet of music is being asked again.

Are you going to abandon me like this?

I don’t know about that, but I don’t have the confidence to play it right now.

I feel like I’m going to become a naked emperor.

Even I, the creator, would get lost in a song written in a flash of inspiration without the sheet music.

That was… … scary.

I don’t have the courage to become the naked emperor, but I am a creator anyway.

So I was about to finish tearing the paper, but I ended up crumpling it up in my hands and roughly throwing it into the corner.

The only good thing about time is that complicated things can be put off for a while.

If it disappears like this, that will be the end of this song.

* * *

Perhaps some fates pull us together so strongly.

It could be fate that pulls you so strongly.

Fortunately, it wasn’t the cleaning lady who found the crumpled paper rolling around next to the recording studio’s trash can.

Bam―.

The recording studio door opened and Park Soo-chan appeared.

“Dong-ha… … Hey… … No… … Our Dong-ha… … Where did he go… … ?”

Early morning.

Although it is still close to dawn, the schedule on days when there are music shows is even more hectic.

Of course, the manager’s schedule is tighter than that.

Because I have to go to the hair salon at the crack of dawn and go to work with all the band members.

But one thing that was fortunate for Blue Porcelain was that all of its brothers were people who were meticulous about time.

Even Dong-ha, who has an extremely prickly image, is a knife when it comes to promises.

Park Soo-chan called Lee Beom-seok, thinking that although the times do not reflect people, it might be because people from the past felt relatively thorough with time.

“Oh, yes. Father. I’m sorry it’s so early. Dong-ha isn’t in the recording studio. He said he was going to sleep in the recording studio today, but did he go home… … .”

“Oh. Is that so? I’ll look into it some more and get back to you. Don’t worry too much. Dong-ha isn’t just a brat, and he wouldn’t have caused an accident and disappeared.”

“Yes. I will contact you as soon as I find it.”

Maybe I was in a booth inside a recording studio, so I came in a little further and looked inside, and it was like when you play a spot-the-spot game, your eyes are automatically drawn to certain parts.

Park Soo-chan’s gaze was drawn to a piece of paper lying next to the trash can.

“what?”

There wasn’t really any particular reason.

Even Park Soo-chan knew that the notes written on the paper were musical notes and that the lyrics were in English.

Because I’m not at the level where I can read such a long English text.

I have even less ability to read sheet music and have it come to mind.

So I was just going to throw it away, but just in case, I put it in my pocket.

Sheet music.

In particular, you should know that handwritten music scores are not things to be handled carelessly.

Even if it’s crumpled up next to the trash can, the only people who can throw it away are Dong Ha Na and Tae Joo, who are presumed to be the ones who wrote it.

Park Soo-chan moved his body to do more important things, leaving the sheet music behind.

At the same time, the cell phone I was holding in my hand was also there.

“Hey! Dong-ha, where are you? Why is your voice so hoarse?”

“Basement? Basement practice room? Why did you sleep there? I told you my body was tired.”

“I’ll go now. Oh, just wipe the booger off my eyes.”

‘It’s no big deal.’

I didn’t think it was such a big deal.

* * *

I sat there blankly for a moment, holding the disconnected phone.

I don’t know why I stayed here.

There’s a makeshift bed in the recording studio on the third floor.

It’s pretty comfortable for a cot.

The basement practice room is a place solely for practice, so there’s only one three-seater sofa.

It’s not that there are no chairs, it’s just that there is no place to rest your body.

I stretched and tried to get up.

Chaenggrang―.

A bottle of soju was rolling on the floor and I tripped over it.

“… … I drank alcohol the day before the music show. Me.”

The neck is also a musical instrument.

Musical instruments require care.

Because the longer you use it, the more it gets damaged by the player.

So, although I learned a lot about drinking from Donghae, I kept to a certain level.

Looks like you were pretty depressed yesterday.

I agree that depression and loneliness are great fuel for creators.

I sighed softly inwardly, knowing that this was no excuse for a musician to neglect his instrument.

“Dongha, let’s go.”

Suchan hyung came down and was smiling brightly at the door.

“yes.”

I don’t think he knows, so he walks without showing it.

Suchan asks as he climbs the stairs ahead of him.

“Did you drink alone?”

“Huh? Ah… … Yes, uh… … .”

“Call me next time. It’s bitter to drink alone. Okay?”

“Because I saw what you were doing.”

Suchan-hyung turns around slightly at my words and smiles lightly again… … .

Something… … It’s a picture that contrasts with yesterday’s square window.

Upward stairs.

Another square seen above it.

But this time, there is one person who waits for me and takes care of me.

A small smile came to my face without me realizing it.

It’s good to have a wide range of emotions in times like this.

You get depressed quickly and then recover quickly.

“Get in the car and wait a moment. I’ll go buy you a hangover cure. There’s some water on the table, so drink that first.”

“He is truly the best manager in the world.”

“Thank you for your words.”

“No, I’m not saying that. I’m going to be the best in the world, and our band is going to be the best band in the world, so you’re also the best manager in the world. Isn’t that hard?”

You just laugh at what I say.

Taejoo hyung used to look up to me, but he actually looks like me.

I’m serious.

Rockstar Again Episode 137