Rockstar Again - Chapter 175



Only Noblemtl

Episode 175. How come (8)

As Lim Ji-yeon rolled down the car window while crossing the Namhang Bridge, a salty smell wafted into her nose.

It’s been a long time since I’ve driven by myself without a manager.

Still, there was a reason for moving without a manager.

―You’ve never had a sore finger, right? Weren’t you single? If you look at it that way, it’s a bit strange. You’re called the nation’s mother and godmother, but you don’t have any biological children.

A twenty-one-year-old singer who looked at himself with resentful eyes and snapped.

A genius who is enjoying cult popularity with the reputation of reviving rock.

The child’s gaze and words continued to make Lim Ji-yeon uncomfortable, like a thorn stuck in her throat.

If it hadn’t been for that… strange feeling, I might have said something a long time ago.

From the rude look to the sudden rash response that doesn’t even make sense, this attitude goes beyond just being rude.

So that’s wrong.

But I didn’t point it out.

No, I couldn’t.

I just wanted to accept it.

I don’t know why.

Because I felt the resentment and sorrow contained in it.

And that felt exactly like the resentment that the child she had abandoned felt towards Im Ji-yeon when she grew up.

‘That’s ridiculous.’

Lim Ji-yeon rolled up the car window again and smiled vainly.

His child would be nearly fifty years old by now.

My steps, taken to open the box that I had forgotten and buried deep in my heart, finally brought me to the docks of Yeongdo.

As they get out of the car, an old man with gray hair looks at Lim Ji-yeon’s face and smiles.

“Oppa… … Are you too old to be called that?”

“You’re a grandmother now too.”

“What, Grandma? I’m still playing the role of mom.”

The old man closed his eyes for a moment, as if he was filled with regret at Im Ji-yeon’s words.

“Our Jiyeon. She used to be so pretty.”

“If someone else had said that, I would have thought they were feeding it to me.”

“They say that when you get old, you live by memories. That’s exactly how I am. That’s why I don’t watch dramas you’re in.”

“… … Because I’m ugly because I’m old?”

The old man turned and walked ahead slowly.

“Come with me. Let’s talk over some coffee.”

“You didn’t answer, brother.”

As Im Ji-yeon followed suit, the old man smiled bitterly.

“I did that because I was afraid it would get covered up.”

“what?”

“In my memories, the Im Ji-yeon is still a whiny and selfish young girl. I keep worrying that the Im Ji-yeon in the drama will cover it up. That’s why I don’t watch it. It feels like the memories are fading away.”

Two people arrive at a coffee shop and order two cups of coffee.

Let’s take it back and sit down.

The old man smiled gently.

“I changed my number, how did you know and come to find me?”

“Here and there. There are a lot of people we know. We should have been together for a longer time.”

Lim Ji-yeon felt a familiar yet strange unfamiliar feeling.

After working with the agency CEO and actor for over 20 years.

When we meet again after 20 years, it feels like we’ve opened the door to time and met again as old people.

So it’s definitely unfamiliar. Maybe it’s because we’ve been together for so long, but actually talking to each other feels familiar, so it’s actually a strange feeling.

There was a ceremonial conversation between old friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

The old man changed the subject first.

“Why did you come? You didn’t come because you thought of me, did you, Lim Ji-yeon, who only knows herself?”

“Was I that selfish?”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t so bad. It was a time when you had to be selfish to survive.”

Lim Ji-yeon laughed at the old man’s words.

In this era… … there is something similar.

These days, they say that to be a celebrity, you can’t have even the smallest flaws. In the past, it was hard for the general public to know about celebrities’ small flaws. In many cases, even big flaws were overlooked.

And as the old man said, I had to be a little selfish back then. Otherwise, I would have been swayed here and there and ended up dying. There had to be more people who thought actresses were easy.

“Which orphanage did you leave him in?”

When Lim Ji-yeon, who had been smiling, suddenly brought up the main topic, the old man swallowed hard.

“For asking after 50 years… … you’re too direct.”

“I’m old. Me too.”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember. It must have been a while ago.”

“Can’t the world’s best Seungrak Oh remember? He has to say something reasonable.”

“I don’t remember. No matter how lowly you are, when you get old, your brain just gets worse.”

Even though the old man shook his head, Lim Ji-yeon did not believe him.

He is a person who started out by learning from fists because he was short on learning, but if he had been stupid, he would not have been able to lead the agency.

In particular, when this old man was the CEO of his agency, there were two things he was good at: one was backroom work, and the other was remembering.

I have a lot of information about people in the industry, and I can’t tell you how much it helped Lim Ji-yeon, especially when she was a rookie.

“Tell me. Huh? Why must I have been so curious that I came all the way here on my own feet?”

At Im Ji-yeon’s words, the old man named Oh Seung-rak frowned for the first time.

“You’re the problem. That’s the biggest problem. Being selfish. It’s like being curious about something you weren’t curious about before and now being curious about. It’s like asking people who have forgotten everything because you’re curious. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you. Don’t you realize that even at your age?”

“… …Was I that selfish?”

“It wasn’t, it wasn’t. You’re still selfish now.”

Lim Ji-yeon lowered her head at Oh Seung-rak’s criticism.

Lim Ji-yeon was rubbing her fingers around the mouth of the cup in front of her. In Oh Seung-rak’s eyes, it looked exactly like Lim Ji-yeon from her childhood.

‘Stupid bitch… … .’

It’s salty.

Looking back now that I’m older, it’s so sad.

I understand why you’re only asking now.

When you get older, you ruminate.

Only after reflecting do you realize that you are old. Since you cannot digest new things, you keep chewing on them.

Oh Seung-rak’s ruminations began at the end of the 20th century, and Lim Ji-yeon’s ruminations are now.

So I hesitated even more.

It seems like it’s almost the first time my hair has turned white.

A scream escaped Oh Seung-rak’s mouth.

Oh, it’s even worse.

“Don’t be a dick about bringing up memories you’ve forgotten. Just live selfishly like Lim Ji-yeon. They say when people change, they die.”

“… … Since you said I was selfish… … Can’t you just tell me? You know, right? Don’t you know that I don’t know Seungrak Oh? I’m sure of it from the way you’re talking? You know that I know about that kid…?”

“… … .”

“Huh? Tell me. I’m not saying I’m going to do anything, I’m just curious to see how you’re doing.”

“You’re wrong. Are you curious? Why are you curious about an abandoned child? And now? Are you curious about how happy a child without a mother could live?”

Lim Ji-yeon’s hand, which was touching the cup, stopped at Oh Seung-rak’s words.

My mind suddenly becomes clear.

“You… left the child with your father instead of an orphanage?”

“… …What are you talking about?”

“That’s right… … . I didn’t leave the child in an orphanage, but with the child’s father… … . You said the child didn’t have a mother, just now… … . That means the child had a father, right? Right? Oppa, I know you wouldn’t make a slip of the tongue like that, so don’t even think about saying it was a slip of the tongue.”

When Seungrak Oh is embarrassed, he looks straighter in the eye.

I’m just trying to pretend not to be flustered. People’s habits never change.

Lim Ji-yeon urged with confidence.

“That’s fortunate, though. Did the child’s father raise the child properly? Did you believe him when he said it was his child? Where is he now, what is he doing? Is… is your brother still alive?”

After hearing Im Ji-yeon’s words, Oh Seung-rak looked at her for a long time without saying anything.

perhaps.

Become someone’s wife, have grown children and even grandchildren.

I wonder if it was for nothing that I brought a woman who might have lived happily ever after into the entertainment industry.

I think so.

So I can’t say anything else.

I thought maybe I didn’t have much time.

To both Im Ji-yeon and myself.

“You’ll regret it if you hear it.”

“What on earth would you regret? Or visit or see. I told you I wouldn’t do that. I’m just curious about the news. If I die, wouldn’t it be better if I had someone to leave my assets to? So tell me quickly.”

“Dead.”

“That older brother? How did he come about? When?”

“In 1999. He died.”

Is this what it means to regret something?

It’s very stimulating to hear about the current state of one’s first love.

Still, it’s not something to regret.

Lim Ji-yeon is too old to retain the nostalgia of her first love.

Oh Seung-rak, who had been hesitating as if he felt it, opened his mouth again.

“At first, I was thinking of leaving him at an orphanage, but then I thought of that friend. He was tight-lipped, calm, and honest… I thought it would be okay to leave the child there, so after asking around, I went to see him. As expected, he took the child in and thanked me for finding him.”

“… … That’s right.”

Oh Seung-rak took a sip of coffee while listening to Im Ji-yeon’s bitter remark.

The hot coffee has cooled down halfway and is now lukewarm.

It feels refreshing to talk about it.

Just like Lim Ji-yeon, who spent 50 years without saying a word, Oh Seung-rak also did not open his mouth. How frustrating must he have felt?

Oh Seung-rak’s mouth continued to move, like an arrow that had been shot but could not be stopped.

“But, like you said, I’m Oh Seung-rak, right? While I was with you, I checked on you from time to time, just in case. I thought you might try to extort money by exposing me if I succeeded.”

“… … .”

“They lived quietly. Then… …the child… …died.”

“……what?”

Lim Ji-yeon’s pupils dilated.

Their pupils weren’t just dilated; they were frozen.

That guy is old now, so I thought it might be a little early.

Now a child of only fifty days has died?

Even in context, earlier than 1999 when that brother died?

“I heard that you inherited your talent and that you were preparing to become a singer. And then you died, in a car accident. But they couldn’t find your body, so your father went crazy and went out to look for you, thinking you weren’t dead, and then he died.”

“Do you have a picture… of that kid?”

“No. I just checked the news. It’s not like I’m going to write a growth diary for the child… … I didn’t take any pictures.”

Lim Ji-yeon tried to run her fingers through the cup as a habit, but her trembling hands caught her.

It’s not that I’m trembling because of the overwhelming maternal love.

If that were the case, I wouldn’t have abandoned the child.

just.

‘It’s ugly… … My life… … .’

I gave everything up and chose to be an actor, but I gradually moved away from the spotlight.

Learning is stealing, and since I’m still acting, I’m already hearing people call me the nation’s mother.

Those he abandoned held onto his hand and lived together until they passed away.

That was a long time ago too.

“… … No family left?”

“Would you be? The child was nineteen. The child’s father didn’t remarry and was busy raising the child and earning money. And then he passed away?”

Lim Ji-yeon stood up from her seat.

“I’ll go.”

“Go visit his grave. After all, he is your blood. Isn’t he the person you loved? They are buried next to each other.”

“You said you couldn’t even find the child’s body?”

“They said they buried it with objects or clothes instead of the body.”

“… … Right… … Now that I think about it, I should go and check it out. That way, I can forget about it and continue living.”

“What a bitch.”

“Send me a text message where it is.”

Despite Oh Seung-rak’s criticism, Lim Ji-yeon left the coffee shop.

Lim Ji-yeon, who was walking to the car, raised her head and looked around.

People’s figures come into view along with the dazzling sunlight.

When did Yeongdo become this good?

It’s like a tourist attraction, with many people stopping by the coffee shop holding the hands of their loved ones.

‘I really… couldn’t live.’

As I live, I am filled with nothing but regrets.

So I’m trying not to live like that anymore, but I haven’t done anything right. All I had as a young person was trophies and all.

The truly glorious and enviable life is that of those who walk hand in hand with their own flesh and blood.

The cell phone in Im Ji-yeon’s hand began to tremble.

[I’m attaching a map and address. When you contact me, I thought, “This is probably it…” So I drew it. It shouldn’t be hard to find.]

Checking the address we arrived at, it was near Seoul.

Lim Ji-yeon opened the car door, thinking that she had to go up to Seoul anyway and should stop by on the way.

“Today… …let’s just see it once and forget about it.”

Still selfishly, Lim Ji-yeon made a promise to herself.

Loneliness is more debilitating than sadness.

Rockstar Again Episode 176