Rockstar Again - Chapter 176



Only Noblemtl

Episode 176. How come (9)

Since I met that woman.

I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot lately.

So… …I just found it.

Dad’s oxygen.

My grave, which stands side by side with the others, is also there.

Now that I think about it, it’s like rock itself.

Isn’t the rock genre… … perhaps an inevitable shackle for those who would become stars?

If that’s the case, then I have no intention of doing the rock genre.

It’s a bit late.

I’ve already pumped my chest with my brothers.

Dream again, it’s too late to shout and run away alone.

I picked up the bottle of soju and sprayed it on my father’s oxygen.

Since Nureongi did it, I’ve been doing it too. I don’t know, honestly, I don’t know why people sprinkle alcohol like soju or makgeolli on oxygen.

If I had to guess, I think it might be like that.

When you get drunk… … you can forget a little.

Get drunk and forget about everything here, don’t worry about the people left behind, and just relax there.

“Ha… … F*ck… … My dad wasted his youth because of me.”

My monologue was received as if it were a babble.

“There’s no such thing. People who haven’t had children say they don’t know. That’s true. You don’t know. Your father was happy.”

We both know too much to respond with something like, “What do you know?”

I couldn’t say that.

Like someone who didn’t want to talk.

I kept my mouth shut and just poured the whole bottle of soju over it, then took a few sips.

That’s what it is.

I never thought deeply about it.

Even though I’m thinking deeply about it, there are still many things I don’t know, so it seems like a father is someone that the son doesn’t know much about.

I’ve looked at the information that the Salvation Army found out over and over again.

My dad and that woman.

We haven’t seen each other for a long time…

It was just a brief encounter, but then I suddenly held the newborn baby in my arms, saying it was my child and abandoning it.

How did Dad feel?

Were you really happy back then?

well.

I think it felt like the world was falling apart.

I think I might have even doubted whether he was truly my blood relative.

Isn’t that normal?

But my dad didn’t do that.

I don’t remember when I was one, but my dad wasn’t that kind of person.

That was frustrating.

“Just like that woman, Dad, you should have just abandoned me. Then, wouldn’t you have just worked hard and lived a leisurely life? Why did you work yourself to death while taking on the burden? Even though you were young yourself.”

“… … .”

While the yellow one behind me remained silent, I continued to talk to myself.

Maybe I wanted to pour out my frustrations to someone, as if I was confessing to them.

Because I felt more comfortable with a friend who could completely understand me than with a priest whose face I didn’t even know.

“Or just raise them roughly. I’ll try to feed them and dress them well. They’ll live or die… .”

“… … .”

“The person who abandoned you will live well without worry. He will still be living well 30 years later. Only the person who took responsibility died of frustration. Next time, live as a person without any sense of responsibility, Dad. Do you understand?”

“… … Let’s go. It’ll be over soon.”

“… … .”

I got up because Nureongi urged me to.

My eyes continued to look at my father’s swollen grave.

I feel bad for my dad.

I tried my best not to think about it, but what can I do about the poor thing?

Memories of my deceased father are gradually fading and being forgotten.

It makes me even sadder to see myself chasing after my biological mother, who gave birth to me but never looked for me, with eyes filled with love and hate.

To be exact, I felt resentful of myself.

“I’ll come often. See you later, Dad.”

like that.

I greeted my father as if I was going to see him again soon and turned around.

I met you.

‘Why… … How?’

The woman spoke first, leaving Beomseok and I standing still.

“… … Here… … How did you get here? No, just a moment… … .”

The woman approached me, checked my father’s date of birth and name on the tombstone, then moved her body again to check my grave next to it.

He looks back and forth between me and Beomseok with a puzzled face.

I wanted to see that embarrassed… … look.

It wasn’t like this.

“What is your relationship with the person buried here?”

Instead of answering the woman’s question, he asked back.

I was wondering how you would say it.

“… … You… … No, huh. Sir… … What brings you here? What is our relationship?”

* * *

What’s going on… … .

Lim Ji-yeon pondered for a long time over the young singer’s question, which was so shocking that it was almost like a piercing through the ceiling.

That was really… … a difficult answer.

I can’t give a direct answer, saying that I am the mother of a child born from a man I had a short but passionate love with.

A trace left by a short relationship?

Pain buried in the past?

A relationship that cannot be packaged, no matter how much you try to wrap it up.

Lim Ji-yeon mocked herself, saying, “I’m really getting older today.”

“He was a guy I knew… … . He was more like a friend… … than that. I met him when I was a rookie… … .”

Even after answering, I felt that my answer was quite incoherent.

I wonder why this young singer is here.

Come to think of it, I’m also curious as to how the grave of my older brother, who had no blood relatives, ended up being built next to the grave of my child who died first.

I also wonder why I keep feeling intimidated by this young singer.

no.

One thing is resolved.

Why were you so generous to this young singer? Why did you keep catching my eye?

‘Strangely… … they look alike… … .’

He resembled his older brother, and strangely enough, he even thought that he resembled himself.

It’s not just that they have the same name, but it feels like if that kid was in his early twenties, he’d look exactly like that… …

“I answered… … Dong-ha didn’t answer.”

I asked Dong-ha, but a middle-aged man next to him stopped him and answered.

“Ah… … The one buried here… … is Dong-ha Lee, my best friend. I was the one who laid Dong-ha’s late father here.”

“What about you?”

“I am Dong-ha’s father. Singer, Lee Dong-ha.”

“ah…….”

“He was my closest friend, so I named my son the same as Dong-ha. You might get confused.”

I can understand it a little.

Im Ji-yeon’s eyes, which had been unable to find the answer, looked at Lee Dong-ha who was hiding behind her father, but he was obscured and could not be seen clearly.

So, I naturally examined the two raised tombs.

A sunny place.

Not only are there a few trees planted to let in plenty of sunlight, but the surrounding area is also kept clean.

It doesn’t look like it was managed today. I don’t see any tools for managing the grass.

It doesn’t look like it was pulled by hand, but if it was pulled, there should be some grass that was pulled out, but there isn’t.

It’s not that I took care of it today, it’s that I took care of it often and diligently.

‘If you even take care of your friend’s father’s grave… … You must have been really close.’

Lim Ji-yeon’s mind began to clear as she silently closed her mouth.

maybe.

It seems like the older brother said something to his son.

And the kid seemed to have said something to his best friend again.

And then the friend must have told something to his son again.

So, it seems that singer Lee Dong-ha, who knows the whole story, saw himself in that way.

‘The person who hears the word ‘nation’s mother’ is a woman who abandoned her child… … That must be funny.’

It’s starting to make sense.

The look in your eyes too.

The interviewer’s words were also sharp.

‘If I say no… … it’ll be funnier… … .’

However, since the two people on the other side did not ask directly, it is something that cannot be answered.

At that moment, Lee Dong-ha, who had been hiding behind my father’s back, opened his mouth.

“I don’t know how you found this place, but do you have any shame?”

“I don’t think it’s something I should hear from Dong-ha… … . I would like to thank Dong-ha’s father for taking care of me… … . It’s each person’s choice.”

“……select?”

“Okay. Choose.”

Lim Ji-yeon saw Lee Dong-ha with anger filling his face.

I thought it was excessive.

But, what I just said was true.

Because she was grateful to the man who had been managing her, Lee Dong-ha’s father, Im Ji-yeon did not show a sharp reaction such as, “Who are you to say something like that?”

Instead, I just continue what I couldn’t say.

Lim Ji-yeon swept the tombstone in front.

“Each person is responsible for their own choices. My brother… I don’t know. He may have been happy or unhappy, but… He lived his own life. I… I finally became unhappy… .”

“Don’t touch… … .”

“?”

Lim Ji-yeon saw Lee Dong-ha shouting as if in a fit while pushing the man who was her father.

“Don’t touch my dad!!!”

What… … are you talking about?

It was a situation that made sense, but Im Ji-yeon’s head became confused.

* * *

Coming down the mountain, at what could be called the entrance, there was Lim Ji-yeon, a friend of her dead son.

I stood facing singer Lee Dong-ha’s father.

“A little while ago… … I’m sorry. Dong-ha… … that… … was so… … um… … listening to my story so much… … I think I overreacted… … .”

“No… … . That’s not true. But Dong-ha clearly said that he was his father… … What does that mean?”

Lim Ji-yeon looks at a man named Lee Beom-seok.

Avoid eye contact.

To be honest, I’m starting to understand, but I’m getting more and more confused.

Honey, your dad?

Move on, Dad is standing right in front of you?

Just in case, I searched on my phone while coming down the mountain.

That’s right.

There were a few articles about it before, so searching was easy.

But why did I have a seizure when I touched my brother’s grave?

He resembled my dead brother… … So I thought for a moment that maybe he was another child of my brother.

If it is a friendship that takes care of a friend’s grave, wouldn’t it also take care of that friend’s blood relatives? … I imagine.

But considering his age, it doesn’t fit.

Lee Dong-ha is twenty-one this year.

That older brother died in 1999.

So that’s not it.

Im Ji-yeon stared blankly at the path that Lee Dong-ha had walked past, as if he had lost his mind, following her father’s words to go to the car first.

Even if you look at it, there’s no clear answer.

at that time.

The man who had been standing awkwardly opened his mouth.

“You’ve been in the entertainment industry for a long time… … You know… … . Celebrities… … Well… … Also, creative friends all have their own unique characteristics, right? Our Dong-ha… … Yes. Maybe because we have the same name… … He takes a special interest in my friend’s work… … He even empathizes with me… … He says that it helps him with his creative work… … Or something like that… … .”

If you listen to Lee Dong-ha’s father’s story, it sounds plausible.

It felt like an excuse that was too situational.

No matter how much I empathize with the emotions, it’s still like that.

I don’t know about singers, but I’ve heard that among actors, there are friends who do method acting and have a hard time getting out of character.

I had a feeling that might be the case… …but… …well.

It doesn’t seem like there’s any pointed truth hidden there.

“… … Come in.”

“Yes, teacher… … Please go in carefully.”

Lim Ji-yeon simply exchanged greetings with the man standing in front of her.

Anyway, there is nothing that the two of them can solve.

I guess that’s just how it is.

As she looked at the father of the first moving down… something welled up inside Lim Ji-yeon.

“The years I lived for the good are now finally being punished… … .”

Someone’s family.

Someone’s blood relatives… … .

Lim Ji-yeon doesn’t have that.

‘The days of being called the nation’s mother will soon come to an end… … .’

Lim Ji-yeon, who thought to herself, stared at the setting sun with empty eyes.

She is already too old to play the role of a mother.

Held back by management.

The bigger thing was that my heart held on.

I felt it today.

That I have entered the back alley of life.

So now I’m going to play the role of a grandmother… … .

If your heart can’t handle it, you’ll age quickly.

“Later… … If you ask me to bury you here side by side… … That would be really shameless… … .”

Lim Ji-yeon, who was talking to herself, walked along the road alone.

Rockstar Again Episode 177