Soccer Genius Wants to Get Noticed - Chapter 150



Only Krnovel

Episode 150 Trauma

It’s a shame not to live up to someone’s expectations. But what’s even more terrible is not living up to your own expectations.

At the end of the season, the matches in rounds 33 and 34 were like that.

Round 33, FC Koln loses 0-1 to Wolfsburg.

Round 34, Stuttgart loses 2-1 to FC Cologne.

While I’m producing a pile of shit that’s just so darn good, our team is finishing the season without a single point.

[VfB, VfB, VfB!]

[Oh, Stuttgart wins again!]

Instead of celebratory cheers, Cologne fans greet the end of their last away game with silence and worried looks.

This is not it.

I am not poop, I am a being that lays eggs (and golden eggs at that).

In the final match of the season, I was pushed back to the right wing attacker role, not to mention being unable to play a free role in the center, and I was even defeated listlessly without being able to do my job, so I felt a sense of bewilderment inside.

“… … Tsk.”

Even Modeste, who scored a goal in the last match, clicked his tongue at me, but I couldn’t even get angry.

Of course, it’s not that I haven’t had any experience with slumps.

Because he didn’t show much activity in rounds 3 to 5 at the beginning of the season, and rounds 24 to 27 in the middle of the season.

But the reason I feel that this situation is fundamentally different now is because I have tasted it.

The most important role is that I lead the attack, I determine the tempo of the offensive and defensive transition, and I create the results.

The true ace of the team.

It felt like it was flowing away like water, through the cracks in my palm, and that made me feel even more lost.

Or maybe it was something he wanted to prove.

okay.

My brother is sick, my father is working, and Seong Ha-neul is going to an away game to kick a ball. So what would my mother have said at that time?

‘Why are the men in my family so indifferent?’

‘… … I’ll be back.’

When it was discovered that Mom had not simply collapsed from pulling out a book, but had also suffered a seizure, her doctor, Sasha Picrak, declared that the new drug test had failed, which meant that Mom’s nerves were about to get worse.

I guess that’s why Sung Ha-jun always comes first, but it’s also true that he can’t help but be psychologically shaken.

I didn’t even want to mention this because it seemed like an excuse, but I just wanted to let you know that this happened.

But what’s fortunate is that the reactions of people around me weren’t entirely bad.

‘It’s okay. We didn’t lose in the cup final. It’s better that we lost before that.’

‘… … .’

‘I really think so.’

Veterans on the team, including Eliez Schiri and Beno Schmitz, have offered words of comfort, not consolation.

‘If you go up, you have to come down, and if you go down, you have to go up again. Everyone is like that. What’s important is attitude.’

‘A question of attitude?’

‘Humblely accept the results and prepare for what’s next. Don’t get hung up on what’s already happened.’

Following the gentle advice from Uncle Gunther –

“Mom, you couldn’t do it?”

“I couldn’t do it.”

“You said you had 20 goals and 17 assists. But you said you couldn’t do it?”

“… …Because the ending is important.”

“I think the process is just as important!”

“… … .”

“I, I mean, overall, I think you did well enough.”

From emotional ‘taking my side’ to school friends.

Lisa Weiss’s puns may sound a bit childish, but they actually make the listener feel better.

“But I understand. You saw it, right?”

“what?”

“… … Haven’t you seen it?”

“What is it?”

“No, it’s nothing… … It was just a news article yesterday, but you’re excited about the summer transfer market-”

“So excited, so what?”

“… … .”

“I told you to continue?”

Oh, of course, excluding Jonas Dr.

Morsi and Sophie Hertz are busy silently nodding their heads while watching me, but this damn otaku brings up some trash article from somewhere and starts nitpicking at me.

If I had never brought it up in the first place, I wouldn’t have known, but since I had already heard the bullshit, I couldn’t press him for an answer. – He immediately froze and handed me his cell phone.

The title of the article is… … .

‘Seong Ha-neul, have you become a lazy goat?’

good.

If you wanted to make me mad, you succeeded.

“The Holy Spirit, Has Become a Lazy Goat?” – By Stern Fabers.

: Cologne’s 21-22 season ended in a different way than fans had hoped, with two losses against mid-table and lower-table teams.

There are many reasons for the defeat, including the manager’s tactical failures and a thin player roster due to injuries, but what we should mention first is Seong Ha-neul’s lackluster performance.

In the last game of the season against Stuttgart, he had 21 touches of the ball, a pass success rate of 52% (10/19), no shots, and a rating of 5.8.

His signature creative dribbling and flashy passing were nowhere to be found, and he even showed an appearance that was worse than not attempting any dribbling at all.

Was the burden too much?

As the opposing players’ focus was on keeping them in check, support from the second line may have been essential. Or, there may have been a lack of physical strength on the bench.

But even taking all those factors into account, the sight of him loitering around the field… … .」

Should I get angry or swear?

If I hadn’t met Uncle Gunther before coming to school, I would have definitely done one of the two.

I told him to accept it humbly and prepare for what came next.

“… … Jonas, why do you bring such an article?”

“No, I didn’t think about it… … Sorry.”

“Hanul, don’t give it any meaning. It’s easiest to just talk about this and that. People who don’t know you at all are talking about it.”

It felt like someone had poured fire into my heart… … but when I thought about it carefully, it wasn’t entirely a wrong opinion.

“I’m fine. It’s worth noting.”

“……okay?”

“Yeah. The title is provocative, but if you look at the content, it’s about defensive involvement and lack of activity, right? It’s a transfer… … There’s not much time left in the summer transfer market, so it’s understandable to misunderstand. I understand that much.”

“… … .”

Sophie Hertz shoots him a suspicious look, but he responds with a calm expression.

It’s true.

The problem pointed out in the article was one I was familiar with. It was something I had heard analyst Hannes Dold say over and over again.

More than anything-

“And there’s no need to get angry when the person who wrote the article isn’t even in front of you. If you get angry, it’ll only make you look ugly. Ah, I’ll change it to “ugly.” You like that kind of thing, don’t you?”

“… … No, that’s not it.”

“Right, no. I’m not ugly. That’s a good point, too.”

“… … .”

Well, it looks like someone is glaring at me.

I don’t have time to worry because I’m busy strengthening my inner resolve.

The guy who wrote the article is Stern Fabers.

I remembered.

Even if you don’t get angry right away, you will have to get revenge someday.

* * *

In the afternoon of the same day.

Under the stern orders of Captain Bear, the schedule is divided into two options.

Should I go home and enjoy the icy atmosphere, or should I receive psychological counseling three times a week as instructed by the director?

My choice was obviously the latter.

Hororok.

I sip my tea in front of Namita Ayushi, an Indian-German.

As a counselor, I had no intention of keeping anything personal and confidential, so I was hoarse from talking about what had happened.

“So you came here for counseling? Because you’re uncomfortable at home?”

“huh.”

“It seems like your mother is having a hard time psychologically.”

“What do you think? He keeps swearing at his dad, and I scolded him a few times, and he even started talking about Munich once in a while. How can I stand that? I feel more comfortable when I’m out of the house.”

“hmm…….”

The club will also pay for the consultation fee, which is literally the icing on the cake. I continue talking naturally while taking a bite of the cookie on the plate.

How concerned are the physical coach and team doctor about my physical condition and physical fatigue, how do I feel, etc.

On May 21st, the focus is on the DFB Pokal final.

But after listening quietly for a while, she brings up family issues again. It seems like she finds this more interesting than soccer.

“What about you, hyung?”

“I think it got worse. I was undergoing a new drug test… … because I had a seizure. Seizures are one of the worsening symptoms of multiple sclerosis. Once I have one, I lie in bed in pain and can’t do anything. My speech becomes slurred, I get depressed… … and I can’t even control my bowels.”

“Oh, like that.”

“It’s strange. The original goal was to go through the acute phase and receive palliative treatment to move on to symptom relief, but it seems the disease itself isn’t alleviating. The seizure cycle isn’t getting longer. That’s what it should be, but I said it would happen.”

“… … .”

The counselor’s mouth moves like a goldfish’s beak, then closes tightly as if he can’t find the words to say.

This is not strange.

Neither I, nor Mom, nor Dad know what to do.

“The only good thing is that thanks to this, my mom is going to quit working. There are pros and cons to everything, right?”

“… … .”

“And Dad is on vacation too. He’ll be home for the time being.”

“That’s fortunate.”

“No, that’s unfortunate. It’s just awkward if you have dad. It’s uncomfortable for both of us.”

But somehow, the more I talk, the stranger the atmosphere becomes.

The story about my father was actually thrown out lightly as a pun, but the response I got was loaded with excessive weight.

“Do you feel like you’re being overworked?”

“at all.”

“But Hanul, you hate going home. I appreciate your positive thinking, but I’m asking you what you feel deep down inside.”

“… … If we do that, what will change?”

As Sophie Hertz previously noted, it’s easier said than done.

Admitting what needs to be admitted and pretending to move on, pretending to be okay, or on the contrary, pretending to be in a lot of pain, etc. But as I said – what difference does that make?

“Reality won’t change, but you can try to find a way to change it. That’s why you came here. At least your director wants it that way, and more importantly, you have to do it for yourself.”

“… … .”

“What is the most burdensome thing? What makes you feel uncomfortable?”

Yeah, you’re good.

After some urging from the counselor (I felt like it was urging), I opened my mouth as if it was no big deal.

If you want to hear it, I’ll tell you. That’s been my principle.

“As for this incident… …my brother collapsed in front of me. Something similar happened before.”

“… … .”

Even though I finally gave an answer, the other person forced me to continue speaking in silence.

Certainly, the craftsmanship is not ordinary.

“I told you how I came to join Cologne after immigrating to Germany, right?”

“Yeah. Thanks to Uncle Gunther, I went to a local soccer team and I heard I was scouted there. Is that right?”

“That’s right. But I didn’t get permission to go out there.”

“I’m listening.”

Maybe it’s because it’s a bit of an embarrassing story.

I unconsciously make instinctive movements, like tapping my heels on the innocent sofa and placing the half-empty cookie on one side of the plate.

The counselor will probably write all this down on a piece of paper.

So, in times like this, I act shamelessly.

“It’s not a big story. I just left my brother alone and went out to play football, and when I got home… … my brother was having a seizure. I went out to have fun because I was feeling frustrated and wanted to change my mood, but since I didn’t have a tutor, I almost got into trouble.”

“… … .”

“My mom was furious. She said, ‘Why did you want to see your brother die just for kicking the ball?’ She told me not to play soccer ever again. But, well, I went back out soon after. At that time, there was nothing else to do but kick the ball. And it turned out well, right?”

“… … .”

“This time too. The advertising fee will come in in June. Since it’s come to this, I think I’ll tell him to go to Munich and get treatment. Oh, of course I’m not transferring. Munich? That’s ridiculous-”

“What about father?”

Then suddenly, the conversation is interrupted by a quiet question.

“huh?”

“Was your father angry too?”

“… … Oh, well. It was similar to my mom.”

This is really quite good.

Because she kept asking me questions that I couldn’t honestly answer.

Ouch.

‘People must take responsibility for their own actions.’

At that time, my dad would give me life advice while sticking his arm around my butt.

If I had told it as it was, the counselor might have reported it and the police might have been dispatched, so I had no choice but to tell a white lie.

hmm.

But thanks to that, I realized belatedly that maybe the reason I was in a slump was because of my brother’s collapse.

That’s unacceptable.

I thought it would be a good idea to get some advice, as it gave me motivation to definitely play well in the cup finals.

“Is that why you became estranged from your father?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

The relationship between the rich and the poor… … is all a thing of the past.

There wasn’t really anything of interest.