Soccer Genius Wants to Get Noticed - Chapter 190



Only Krnovel

Episode 190: Hot Night

Just before heading home, Alex Pasek said a few reassuring words to me.

‘I’ll be 18 on November 6th. I don’t necessarily need my parents’ permission.’

‘… … That’s different from what I said before.’

‘Well, if you’re going to transfer, it would be better to get your parents’ support. From what I’ve seen from talking to them before, they’re not the type of people who are hard to persuade.’

‘… … .’

Inside the vehicle.

As I looked into the rearview mirror with my phone in my hand, I saw a boy with a look of skepticism on his face.

Isn’t it difficult to persuade?

‘… … There are all kinds of people in the world. The same goes for the players’ families. Some demand money, while others want to control their customers’ player careers. Compared to those people, Hanul, your parents are very polite. They haven’t even moved in a while, right?’

‘move?’

‘I’m careful about what I say, but the house your family lives in is not a nice place to say the least. If the financial demands were severe, you would have moved long ago. You probably would have asked for a new residence when you renewed your contract with the club.’

To summarize, it means that he wants me to speak nicely. If it works out, that’s great, but if it doesn’t, I can just transfer after I turn 18.

I hate to admit it, but it was a little bit… … . comforting.

It’s true that it’s much better to face the situation with an escape route prepared than to face it with a sinking ship.

Knock knock.

So right now, at this very moment, I’m sitting at the dining table in the living room, stretching my shoulders as much as I can. There are three people sitting around the table.

On the left side of the front seat is mom, next to her is dad.

For a moment, I felt relieved because neither of them had serious expressions on their faces. The conversation began with my mother’s whispering voice.

“These days, Seungbin’s mom and people around him often talk about you.”

“… … Seungbin?”

“You know, there are three sons.”

“Oh, yes.”

At the Korean gathering, there was only one immigrant family with three children, so everyone quickly recognized who it was and nodded.

Of course, I didn’t understand at all what ‘Seungbin’s mom’ had to do with it.

“I saw the news in Korea and asked if I was going to England. I asked if it wouldn’t be difficult to come all the way to Germany and have to immigrate again.”

“… … .”

“Hajun asked what we should do since his father’s job is also in Germany, but I think we should get together as a family and talk about it.”

“… … .”

“Can’t we get any worse in Cologne?”

But what followed did not meet my expectations at all.

The story of the transfer is a series of roundabout stories without a single word being said.

Which team do you plan on going to, will it be difficult to adapt to a new team, how is your agent preparing, etc.

He never mentions anything about me, not even about my brother’s hospital.

Is it because of my mood?

It just sounded like he wanted to stay in Germany.

“Oh, heavens.”

“No, I can’t. My experience in Cologne only lasts until winter. You must have seen my interview.”

“I saw it. I saw it, so I’m going to tell you.”

“… … .”

No, actually, I want to say that you had been giving me hints before that.

But while outside the house, the media, and my mind were all pointing abroad, Mom and Dad seemed to want to stay in Germany.

Then, eventually, my patience is tested to its limits.

“… …Can’t I stay in Germany? Even for a while?”

Don’t be angry.

Even in the midst of all this, isn’t Dad keeping his mouth shut?

Losing your temper for no reason was not beneficial to either of us.

“… … For the time being, until when?”

“… … Well. What if your brother can settle down a bit?”

“When will a stable time come?”

“… … .”

“The Holy Sky.”

My father suddenly intervenes and points out my mistake as I blurt out something without realizing it. No, he tries to point out my mistake as if I had done something wrong.

Is this something I did wrong?

The reason why a feeling of injustice wells up in a corner of my heart is because I know that I shouldn’t just endure it and not apologize as I usually do.

So, how long do we have to live like this?

“Can you talk to your mom like that?”

“… …What about Mom?”

“what?”

“Mom, can you talk to me like that?”

From the moment the first needle was threaded wrong, the catastrophe may have been destined.

That’s what knitting is all about. Maybe it’s better to just pick up a pair of scissors and cut off the tangled ball of yarn rather than trying to untangle it.

bang!

Suddenly, a strange thought crossed my mind, and the sight of my father slamming his palm on the table didn’t seem so scary.

“You can’t decide everything just by your will! Do you think that Mom and I would want to say that to you? There are times in life when you have to make sacrifices-”

“Until when?”

“… … ?”

“You don’t know, Dad? What kind of sacrifices have to be made, and how long? You don’t know, Dad.”

“Holy Sky!!”

I thought he was a really strong person, and there were times when I thought he was incredibly tough. But at some point, he seemed to have become someone who couldn’t stand it without yelling.

okay.

I was upset about that.

“Do you think I don’t know anything? Do you think I’m just being stubborn because I want to move overseas? No. We’ve always lived like this. Ever since we immigrated! Mom goes to church when she’s half-crazy from cleaning late into the night, and Dad comes home late from overtime work and can’t even utter a single word. Do you think I’m any different? I had a fucking hard time, too.”

“you…….”

“I did it all by myself. Helping my brother, taking care of the housework, adjusting to school life, and even going out to the soccer field during my free time to pave my own way! But you know what? If anyone has to yell at me, if anyone has to blame me, it’s not Mom and Dad, it’s Sung Ha-jun. Because he can’t do anything. Because if my family goes out, I’m afraid they’ll collapse at any moment, and I don’t know what to do, so I have to stay in the corner of the house. But that’s a sacrifice. That… that’s a sacrifice?”

“… … .”

It’s something I’ve chewed over in my head tens, hundreds, or even tens of thousands of times. The words that come out of my mouth are unstoppable.

The tongue moved smoothly, the eyebrows were set firmly and held in place, and as a result, he never stuttered.

“They do things they don’t want to do, and then they hold themselves back from doing anything, and even then, everyone is tied up and sinking together. Am I the only one who feels that way? I’ve felt that way ever since I came to Germany.”

“… … .”

“We’re just surviving. We’re literally living on, barely holding on to the family structure. We left our happy memories behind in Korea. Right now, we’re just working hard to pay for my brother’s medicine, going for regular checkups every quarter, and holding on to the cruel hope that things will get a little better, just holding on to our breath. How long do we have to do this? How long do we have to hold on to my brother, to me, to mom and dad… What kind of great goal are we struggling to achieve?”

“… … .”

I wonder if Seong Ha-neul was a good son?

The temper outside was really bad, but looking at the shocked expressions on Mom and Dad’s faces across the table, it seemed like it was only a little bit.

And I hated that fact even more.

“I’ll go. I’ll earn more money, pay for hospital bills, and help pay for my brother’s college tuition if he can. Mom and Dad, you take care of that. I’ll do my best to help him as I live my life, but I won’t hold on to it to the point of ruining myself.”

“… … .”

“That’s it. It’s my decision alone.”

Knock knock.

He was so tired of playing the role of a good son that he quickly got up from his seat, pretending not to see the two shocked middle-aged men.

Thud, thud, thud, thud.

In case you trip over the floorboards, your steps towards the front door are too strong. Your breathing is rough, and your vision is being transmitted in high definition, 8K or higher.

I feel like I’m not in my right mind anymore, like I’ve taken some kind of stimulant.

It felt like I was playing a game.

If I closed my eyes, I could probably measure my heart rate, but for now, my priority was to run out of the house.

* * *

Late at night.

I go where my feet lead me.

Perhaps because of the screaming, I felt the gaze of others on the windows of the village houses, so I avoided it and went down an alley to a place full of rice paddies and fields.

The smell of spices permeated the rice paddies in October.

Should I go downtown?

Streetlights were shining along the road, but they were far apart and could not dispel the darkness. The empty space was filled by the starlight in the sky.

Unfortunately, a cloud covered the moon, but a cluster of stars settled down through the gap, and as the excitement subsided, my thoughts deepened.

‘Well said. It was something I had to say sometime.’

Self-rationalization is not very effective.

I think you said it very well, but at the same time, I realized an undeniable fact.

In this world, doing a good job isn’t enough.

Even if you’re good at soccer, even if you’re good at kicking the ball, even if you do your job well, life can fall apart in an instant.

Maybe that was what my father felt. Happiness faded away in an instant, and unhappiness came long and deep, leaving a scar on my soul.

‘It’s true that you’ve been doing pretty well so far.’

That’s true too.

I am Cologne’s ace, a self-proclaimed superstar.

But, but, but still, it’s not enough because I don’t get the attention I want.

To my family, mom and dad.

Because he doesn’t receive attention as Seong Ha-neul, not as Seong Ha-jun’s younger brother.

Because I want to be noticed but I can’t.

Because I always have to stay in second place.

That kind of thing… can’t be solved with soccer.

“shit.”

That’s probably why it feels so frustrating.

Because as of today, guesses have turned into certainties.

At the same time, it became clear to me exactly what I wanted.

Something I can’t hide from anyone else but myself.

okay.

Even though it’s embarrassing and awkward, and I feel like blaming myself just thinking about it… …I have no choice but to admit it.

I want to be loved.

It definitely seemed like he was craving that feeling.

That was when.

Rustle rustle-

“……what.”

The excitement of victory was short-lived. Suddenly, a noise was felt in the bushes near the roadside, and only then did the surroundings come into view.

It was pitch black all around, and there was no sign of life in the fields. It was like something out of a thriller movie.

What if I get stabbed like this?

What if Werner Wolf had a grudge against my interview and sent assassins?

I get scared later and quicken my pace, and to make matters worse, the chemical factory on the other side of the road has also turned off its lights, adding to the eerieness.

You should have at least brought your cell phone.

At that moment, I felt anxious because I couldn’t find a public phone no matter how hard I looked. Fortunately or unfortunately, a car came down from the other side of the street and stopped about 5-6 meters away.

“Over here! Over here! Can you give me a lift-”

“Late at night… … Hanul?”

“……uh?”

Fate is truly a mysterious thing.

Outside the car window, in the passenger seat, sat Mr. Kemal. He worked at a nearby chemical plant and had been feeding me since I was a child.

He was my first enthusiastic fan and a mysterious lifeline from Turkey.