The Escort Knight Who Is Being Obsessed Over by the Villainess Wants To Run Away - Chapter 230



84. The Beauty of Finity

When you wake up in the morning, there is something you feel before you open your eyes.

A small warmth that cut into my arm and entered my embrace.

The force of something holding my leg.

A heavy weight pressing down on my face.

The many breathing sounds of someone other than me. Things like that.

‘… … .’

Opening your eyes comes next.

Spring sunlight seeps through the slightly opened curtains.

‘Fides… .’

I identify the culprit who put his foot on my face.

Fides.

My 8-year-old son, who is full of energy, sleeps in an acrobatic position every day.

Besides, it always bothers me.

In the past, I used to sleep with my butt on my neck, so I woke up one night because I couldn’t breathe.

‘I can’t live like this… .’

Having said that, I don’t hate my son’s sleeping habits.

There is a cute side to it.

‘What’s stuck to the leg… . I can tell it’s a donkey without even looking.’

My youngest daughter, Donum, is six years old this year.

He likes me so much.

A little persistent.

So much so that Elijah would sometimes stare at her with a strange look.

Anyway, for that reason, I can’t fall asleep unless you hold me while I sleep.

They are usually hung like this on arms or legs.

‘I’ll let it pass because it’s cute…’

And what I have in my arms is Amor.

Our eldest daughter has slept between me and Elijah since she was little.

One day Elijah, one day me.

We take turns borrowing their arms, but I guess it’s my turn today.

Now that I’m 13, I should be able to get out of bed, but I still like to throw tantrums.

‘I hope it stays like this in the future… If possible, I hope puberty doesn’t come.’

I always think that way, but if Amor wants to distance himself from me as an independent entity, I am ready to accept it.

As I raised my child and studied with Elijah, I also accepted the truth.

The goal of parenting is healthy independence.

‘By the way, it seems like Beirin is getting closer to Amor these days… .’

Richard and Beninita’s second son. Bairin. Two years younger than Amor.

Still my main target of attention.

This is not overprotection, ownership, or monopoly.

As a father, I am just worried about my daughter’s well-being.

If a suitable man appears to entrust her daughter to, and if her daughter likes him, then there’s no reason why she wouldn’t let him go.

The fact that the standards for suitability are unrealistically high is not an immediate issue, so we ignore it.

‘And the one sleeping on the back of Elijah’s head… must be a spaceman.’

The third son is quiet and calm, just like his mother.

Donum and his twin are both already six years old.

If we look at only the personality aspect, he resembles Elijah even more than the first one.

How quiet and gentle.

These little ones can organize things very simply and clearly.

The first daughter and third son are quiet and calm, like Elijah.

Amor and Space.

My second son and youngest daughter are energetic and resemble me.

Fides and Donum.

‘… The good news is that no one is picking a fight with Fides and Donum.’

If it looks like me, there’s a high risk of it exploding if you touch it.

But no one would do such a crazy thing in front of the absolute authority of Elijah.

Even a madman comes to his senses in front of Elijah.

Only after I had looked at my children one by one did I look at my wife.

A goddess-like figure sleeping in the soft sunlight.

Even on a complicated bed, a lovely woman who always reaches out her hand to me and holds me as she sleeps.

Elijah.

‘Hmm… It’s an appearance that I never get tired of seeing for years.’

There is something more mysterious.

‘Why are you still cute?’

Amor is 13 years old.

That is, Elijah and I are 33 years old this year.

But Elijah shows no signs of aging, not in his face or body.

‘I’ve changed a little… .’

I can’t tell by looking in the mirror.

People around me say that my impression has become better.

The eyes softened.

‘In that respect, Elijah too, his face is the same, but… his expression has definitely become more peaceful and kind than before. If that has changed, then has it changed?’

It changes.

This change is irreversible.

The irreversible flow of time leads me to an inevitable end.

Very slowly.

Like getting wet in a drizzle.

4 years ago.

In the hot springs, I was suddenly struck by the fear of the end.

That vague fear and emptiness would come to me from time to time.

Of course, Elijah noticed the change in me.

By talking with her and opening up, I got my answers.

Since then, I’m not afraid of the end.

Just accept it.

The words Elijah once said ring in my head like an auditory hallucination.

A phrase I’ve been thinking about ever since that day.

‘Because it is finite, we can be happy and love. The world is beautiful because it is finite.’

The owner of the voice slowly opened his eyes.

Long eyelashes rise, revealing jewel-like red eyes.

Her languid eyes slowly rise and discover me.

I faced her and smiled.

Just looking at it makes me laugh.

Elijah also follows me and laughs.

Speak quietly, with only your lips, so as not to wake the children.

‘did you sleep well?’

Then Elijah also answers by just moving his mouth.

‘Yeah. What about Judas?’

‘I slept well too. But I had a hard time waking up because of the Fides.’

Elijah laughed silently.

‘You were next to me when I was sleeping, so why are you on Judas’ face?’

‘My words.’

A very short time before waking up the children.

A silent conversation that only Elijah and I know of.

I really like this time of year.

Elijah looked at me with a smiling face.

I too looked into her eyes.

Just silently, quietly.

Just looking at your face makes me feel good.

Conversations aren’t all about language.

Communication through just eye contact and facial expressions.

After a long time, Elijah opened his mouth.

This time, he speaks silently.

‘love you.’

‘I love you too.’

He slowly leaned his head over Amor’s and kissed him lightly.

“Ugh…?”

Then Amor tried to get up, struggling.

Elijah and I began to wake the children as if we had been waiting for it.

From noble mtl dot come

“Amor, are you awake?”

“yes….”

“Did our daughter sleep well?”

First of all, take care of Amor’s spirit.

Since she is the eldest daughter, she knows how to get up on her own even at this level.

Elijah and I kissed Amor’s cheeks from either side.

Then Amor laughed heartily and shook his head.

It means it’s too good.

I woke up the other children and let Amor stretch.

“Space. Stop eating Mom’s hair and get up.”

“Yeah… .”

I took the spade off Elijah’s head.

Meanwhile, Elijah was in charge of Donum.

“Donum. Should I let go of Dad and get up?”

“no….”

“Guarantee Dad’s freedom.”

“No… It’s mine… .”

“No. It’s mine.”

“No… .”

Children sleep a lot in the morning.

I tickled the little soles of Fides’ feet as he squirmed.

“Fides, you need to wake up.”

“Ugh, hehehe, heh heh!”

Fides, who had been squirming while lying on his side, eventually got up.

But I didn’t stop tickling.

“Hehehehe!”

Why is it so much fun to play pranks on kids?

It’s also nice to hear the sound of people laughing heartily.

When Fides tried to tickle me in return, I stopped tickling him and hugged him tightly.

“Son. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. Dad, I gained muscle in my dream too!”

“Oh. How much?”

“Just like Dad!”

“Oh no… If I don’t want to get caught up, I’ll have to work harder too.”

“muscles…?”

The twitching Donum responded to the word muscle.

“Me too… . Me too… .”

Donum still hasn’t given up on her desire for a body that explodes with health and beauty.

‘… I wish you would just give up.’

The youngest daughter in the same weight class as me?

‘I will still love you…’

It’s a complex issue in many ways.

Before he knew it, Amor was cleaning up Spay’s eye boogers.

Amor likes all of his younger siblings, but he especially likes the quiet and obedient Spy.

Elijah was beside her, tying up Amor’s hair.

“Ouch, dust!”

Donum found some dust.

The dust that had just woken up was drifting.

“Miuung… .”

The donkey ran all the way to Ododo and hugged the dust.

“Dust is cute. Hehehe.”

It seems that the laughter was passed down perfectly from Elijah to his two daughters.

“Meow-.”

“Aww.”

He hugged her and rubbed his face, following the sound of the dust blowing.

Suddenly, I remember the first time I brought Dust.

‘You said I looked like you, Ellie…’

Black fur and golden eyes.

Likewise, Donum has black hair and golden eyes, just like me.

‘… He looks a lot more like Donum than me.’

Spay just stared at the dust.

Now it’s Donum’s turn so he has to wait.

‘You’re so kind that I worry sometimes… .’

As if it was a shame to just look at it, she hugged the black cat doll.

The doll I gave to Elijah.

Now it has become a doll that all children love and share.

Elijah doesn’t carry the doll around as much as he used to.

There are now a lot of things to grab onto.

The scarf is still there though.

But, I always keep the doll by my side when I sleep.

When it was Spay’s turn to sweep the dust away, there was a knock on the door.

-dripping.

You can tell without even checking.

It would be Maria.

“It’s Grandma!”

Now Amor has learned to pronounce it correctly.

“Mother!”

Fides has been corrected, but the pronunciation is still short.

It seems that Fides is a bit slow in learning languages.

But it’s okay, because she’s cute and good at physical activities.

“Hami!”

And the pronunciation that Amor had previously used was inherited by Spey and Donum.

I saw the children running first, and Elijah clung to me and put his arm around my waist.

“I’m hungry. Let’s go quickly.”

I laughed and stroked her belly.

It’s soft and smooth. It feels good.

“Our fifth youngest is hungry, so we should go quickly.”

“…you act more like a child than me.”

As he says that, he taps my shoulder and bumps his forehead against mine.

I guess he doesn’t mind being teased about being the youngest sometimes.

I kissed her cheek as she smiled shyly.

“It’s cute.”

“Huh… .”

Elijah and the children left the bedroom.

*

After a meal that Galahad had naturally participated in from some point on,

We all came out to the palace garden together.

It’s a peaceful afternoon.

It’s also a kind of after-dinner tea time.

“Fides, Donum. Be careful not to fall.”

“yes!”

Elijah pays attention, and the two boldly give answers that resemble Elijah’s.

And soon the two children were running around playing with the puppies.

It’s literally all about running and playing.

There are no rules.

They sometimes chase each other like in a game of tag, but mostly they just run around without thinking about anything.

‘Is running really that good? What’s the point as long as I don’t fall?’

Uel follows the children around and helps them run around.

Galahad followed along, worried that the children might fall.

During this time, I mostly act as Amor’s chair.

“Dad, ah~”

“Ah~”

Amor picked up a cookie and fed it to her.

It’s a pretty decent reward for pretending to be a chair.

“Mmm, it’s delicious. I’ll eat it too.”

“Yeah. This is a new deal Grandma made.”

“It just felt right in my mouth.”

Cookies filled with rich and sweet cream cheese.

It’s perfect for me, as my children have similar tastes and levels.

Maria laughed awkwardly.

“It’s not that great, so what?”

Elijah, sitting next to her, fed Spay a cookie.

“You should only eat one. If you eat too much, it’s bad for your teeth. Okay?”

“Yeah, Mom.”

“Be good, child.”

He receives the cookie with both hands and eats it well.

‘Cute guy.’

Suddenly I looked up at the sky and saw the palace where Elijah and I were staying.

A bit far away.

Dust was sitting on the window sill, sleeping listlessly in the sunlight.

A red anemone bloomed next to it.

‘It looks good.’

I was also resting lazily, when Fides and Donum, who had been playing in the distance, came running towards me.

“mom-!”

“Daddy-!”

Fides called Elijah, and Donum called me.

Each of them hugs the knees of the target they are meant for.

The first one to raise his head asked.

“When are your uncles coming?”

Uncles.

I’m talking about the guards.

Today is the day when the guards all come out to play.

It’s not really a special day.

The social gathering that started a few years ago has grown in size.

Richard and Beninita.

Dylan and May.

In addition to that, married Lindell and Argon were added, and then the single guys also joined.

Elijah and I welcomed the increase in size.

I wanted my children to interact with as many people as possible, to be loved, and to grow up well.

I couldn’t help but feel positive about the growing number of trustworthy people.

Finally, Elijah and I plan to send our children to school.

An imperial-led national academy ambitiously prepared by Elijah.

A plan that has been in the works for several years is soon to be completed.

The Academy building was completed this year and is currently undergoing final renovations.

We are currently conducting a final review of the personnel who will work at the Academy, including admission documents and teaching staff.

This is also the first step towards abolishing the caste system.

A state-run educational facility that fosters and develops talent regardless of status.

Elijah hopes that this will break the prejudice of this society that an individual’s future and level are determined by their innate status.

Therefore, the status or assets of the applicant are not taken into consideration.

anyway.

Our kids will be entering the academy next year, and they will have to socialize with a variety of people there.

I want to give you as much experience as possible before then.

“My uncles will be here soon. We’re going to meet after lunch. Oh dear, I’ve got a bunch of grass stuck in my hair.”

I brushed the dust off Donum’s head.

Meanwhile, Fides was handing Elijah a flower.

“Fides? Is that what your mom is giving you?”

“Ouch! A present!”

Red wildflowers.

It resembles an anemone.

Still, the flowers growing side by side by the bedroom window.

Elijah smiled brightly.

“It’s so pretty. Thank you. I should put it in a vase and keep it for a long time.”

I smiled happily as I watched her kiss Fides’ forehead.

Then I said it jokingly for no reason.

“Fides. Why doesn’t Dad give me anything?”

“… … .”

Fides didn’t say anything, then suddenly came to me and hugged me.

“This guy. Do you think acting cute will solve everything?”

And I lifted Fides up and kissed him on the cheek.

“That’s right. You’re smart.”

Even if my son is a troublemaker, I can’t help but love my child.

Why are you so cute?

At that moment, the guardsmen, guided by Miguel, came rushing in from the other side.

Each married man’s wife is also present.

At first, I was afraid to dare join Elijah, but I got used to it soon.

‘It still looks uncomfortable….’

Fidesz was the first to run over.

“uncle-!”

“Hey, this guy, leaving his dad behind?!”

He runs so fast that I can’t even hear him.

“It’s okay. I’ll be by your side, Dad.”

“Amor is the best after all….”

“Dad! Me!”

He hugged the boy who was asking for understanding with one arm.

“Our Donumdo is the best.”

Swish.

Elijah looked at me intently.

For some reason, cold sweat is running down my neck.

Recently, Donum declared that he would marry me, and Amor refuted him.

From then on, Elijah’s crackdown became more severe.

From noble mtl dot come

The whining and complaining at night also became more intense.

‘Hmm. In that sense, isn’t it necessarily a bad thing?’

I looked at Elijah and winked slyly.

Then Elijah chuckled and shook his head.

It’s a truly leisurely time.

Then suddenly.

I felt a sense of uneasiness.

It’s similar to the experience I had at the hot spring four years ago.

Suddenly, the expanded field of vision captures the scenery.

Elijah and me.

Amor, Fides, Spey, Donum.

Her and my lovely children.

A time of gathering together in the palace garden and enjoying a rest that seems like it will last forever.

And Maria and Galahad.

Additional guard comrades have been added.

This is all my fence.

The pillar and fence that supports and protects me, centered around Elijah, the core.

At the same time, it is an area that I want to protect.

Worldly things that cannot last forever.

One day we will return to where we came from, as cosmic dust.

It’s a pity, but not sad.

It’s okay now.

Elijah helped me out a lot.

Because she is a wise wife, she always gives me the answers.

I remember the conversation I had with Elijah after I poured out my worries at that time.

One late night four years ago.

A time when all the children were asleep.

The two of us went outside for a moment and walked side by side.

A quiet moment just for the two of us after a long time.

She said, caressing her red scarf in the cold night wind.

I even remember in detail the direction of the breath that dispersed at that time.

“Judas. What if a moment lasted forever? A moment, a feeling, just repeated forever, infinitely. Can we, at every moment, feel and preserve that feeling as if it were the first time we felt it?”

“… … .”

“No. That can’t be. The human brain is a circuit that adapts. It becomes dull and insensitive to repetition. Eternity means infinite time. We will not be able to assign any value to all the events we experience in the flow of time. It will happen again anyway.”

She gently hugged me.

A little warmth entering your arms.

Back when we were young, when we first met.

I have come to love the warmth that has stayed with me ever since you accidentally crawled into my arms while I was sleeping.

“In eternity, people will not be able to feel anything. Emotions will fade, consciousness will be scattered, and they may not be able to remain as intelligent beings called humans. Therefore, eternity is beyond the realm of humans, and humans will never be able to know eternity.”

“… … .”

“That’s why we, this moment, is precious. This warmth, this feeling, this word, that we share now, is the only moment in our lives. It’s the only thing that can’t be replaced by anything else, so we can love, be sad, laugh, and cry.”

She lifted her head slightly and was crying.

Tears shed while laughing.

Is that joy or sadness?

I still don’t know the answer.

“Life is so dazzlingly brilliant. That’s why its ending is so cruelly painful. But because it’s finite, life is beautiful. Infinite life is just empty.”

“… … .”

“So let’s live in the present. Let’s live in this moment, which is the only time in our lives.”

A dazzling truth came to me.

I took her words to heart like a religious belief.

The only now in life.

That’s all that matters.

Life is beautiful because it is fleeting and finite.

I got another enlightenment from that truth.

If human life is a closed flow.

Couldn’t we consider that whole life as eternity?

Life that has ended neither cycles nor moves forward.

It is a complete ending in itself.

That is why one human life is like one eternity.

If I can love her and be happy all my life.

I love her forever and am happy.

I told Elijah that thought without realizing it, and she smiled brightly and nodded.

“… That’s true. Life is no different from eternity. That’s right. Then, we can be together forever.”

I hugged Elijah silently.

Elijah hugged my waist tightly.

“Yuda. You know? The future determines a person’s present. People often say that the past defines a person. Because the internalized past is reflected and revealed in the present. But, I don’t think that’s true. I used to think that way too. Because I didn’t have a very good past. But when I thought about it, it was strange. Compared to that past, I was so happy every day in the present with you.”

A gentle voice that continues slowly.

I listened, stroking Elijah’s hair.

“I realized one day. Just because the past was dark, there’s no reason the present has to be dark. It doesn’t have to be that way. The reason is because I hoped for a happy future with you every day, and I achieved it.”

“… … .”

“The past is the past. Rather, it is the future that determines the present. How I have lived is not important. How I will live in the future, and that future defines my present.”

Elijah touched my scarf.

The red scarf she knitted for me.

It’s similar to what I gave you before.

“I want to be happy with you in the future, with Amor, Fides, Space, Donum, and the babies. And also with Mom. I decided to do that. So I am very happy in this present.”

“… … .”

“So, please stay with me in this happy present forever, Judas.”

She lifted her head and looked up at me.

His hand naturally comes up and hugs my neck.

I thought I knew what she was going to say next.

And maybe she knows what I’m going to say next.

We spoke at the same time.

It wasn’t intentional.

I just hoped for a future where people would talk like that, and that present has come.

“love you.”

Elijah once told me why he named Amor that way.

‘Love saved me, it saves you, and it will save the world.’

It really was.

Love woven together the future and the present, the infinite and the finite, eternity and life, and protected them all.

It washed away the emptiness in my heart.

I said it again.

“I love you, Ellie.”

“I love you too, Judas.”

Under the moonlight, we kissed for a long time.

I remember the feeling of that moment when I held her.

I vividly perceived each and every moment of the feeling.

I engraved it in my memory.

We will be together forever, for the rest of our lives, but that moment will only last once.

I wanted to remember that precious moment for a long time because it was limited.

A little warmth that fits into your arms.

Arms wrapped around the waist.

Weight slightly tilted towards me.

The warmth of lips touching. The soft feel.

Her breath brushing my face. Her sweet scent.

Softness of hair.

A shape that can be drawn with the eyes and even touched with the hands.

Round face. Plump cheeks. Thin but thick eyebrows.

Thin neck.

Curvature of the waist and pelvis.

I took those things to heart, one by one.

It was the moment when I realized the beauty of finitude.

A long recollection passed in a short moment.

When I came to my senses, I found myself looking at Elijah without realizing it.

A mother smiling while hugging her son.

And the sight of my lovely wife, making eye contact with me and smiling.

Her red eyes looked straight into my golden ones and smiled.

She suddenly said it as a light greeting.

“I love you, Judas.”

I also answered with a light smile.

“I love you too, Ellie.”

***

A bedroom window sill overlooking the bustling palace gardens.

The dust groomed itself in the warm sunlight.

He licked the sole of her foot with his tongue and then suddenly turned his head.

Two flower pots placed next to each other.

There are small stuffed animals around the flower pot.

Elijah made it in his own image.

Another doll appeared next to it.

Each of them was a family of stuffed animals resembling Judah, Amor, Fides, Spey, and Donum.

Elijah made them all in his spare time.

Flowers grew in the flower pot where the anemone was planted.

The flower buds at the end of the long stems opened and bloomed into bright red flowers.

The existing flowers have already withered and fallen several times.

These seeds were newly planted by Judah and Elijah last year, and bloomed a few days ago this year.

Dust sniffed the flowers and quietly watched the anemones.

In her brilliant golden eyes, a red flower is contained.

Soon the dust settled on the flowerpot.

I fell into a languid sleep while basking in the sunlight.

The sweet sounds of a family coming from the garden were a noisy but peaceful lullaby.