The Villainess Whom I Had Served for 13 Years Has Fallen - Chapter 414



414 – Old Diary -3-

[Hello. Lady.]

The hand-written letter, pressed hard into the paper, sent a jolt through Olivia’s heart. Ricardo was not a man to write letters.

[It feels strange, trying to write after so long. Though I wonder if you’ll even be able to read this, that is.]

Olivia, knowing Ricardo better than anyone knew his own wretched handwriting, and knowing how he loathed to write at all, traced the carefully, forcefully penned letters with her finger, endlessly rereading the letter’s first line.

Because she feared what story this letter held.

“…”

She didn’t want to know what kind of letter a man who wished for her happiness more than anything would write.

He was a man of spoken words, not endless written prose.

Surely, bad tidings were contained within. Especially if the journal’s last page preceded the use of black magic, it was all the more dreadful to see.

Ricardo had even voiced his worries to me.

-Miss.

-What.

-If you’re considering black magic…

-Do you think I’m crazy enough to do such a thing…? Do you see me as some madwoman too?

-No, that’s not what I meant…

-What isn’t? You saw me the same as all the other b*stards.

Perhaps she’d been terrified from the moment she saw the letter, folded neatly in half. Because I am an undeniable coward.

[Even so, I wrote it diligently, so please, don’t tear it up and read it. I wrote it with all my might, to the point where blisters formed on my fingers.]

Olivia carefully clasped her stiff hands and began to read the letter.

The part of her that craved gentle peace screamed that it was best not to see, but her heart, which abhorred turning a blind eye, was pounding.

An old matter.

A story for which he’d already apologized countless times, and to which she’d given equally numerous replies of “it’s alright,” but feelings weren’t so easily tidied away, and so Olivia, bearing an unvanquished guilt, slowly traced the letter’s words.

[I have read the journal well. ]

“That wild boar meat I ate when I was little was so delicious, I should get you to make it again sometime.”

– *Squeak…*

“Oh, of course, I caught it back then, so this time, *Miss* will be doing the hunting.”

Ricardo’s words, started as a jest, left a faint smile on Olivia’s lips before fading away. It was as if she could vividly hear Ricardo’s sarcastic voice.

-Catching a *pig*!!!

-Mm-hm!

-Not catching *Miss.*

-I’m not a pig!!!

“Eee…”

That insolent, immature butler.

She didn’t know how he appeared to others, but the Ricardo she knew was an immature butler, and that’s why she liked his unceremonious words.

The fact that he didn’t call her “Princess” either.

Or treat her like a precious, expensive vase.

She didn’t know why these empty words were so amusing, but Olivia couldn’t stop laughing. Even though her heart pounded with fear.

“You’ve written quite a lot in your diary. I thought you’d just write a line or two and throw it away, but you’ve written three volumes. I seem to have underestimated *Miss*.”

“What’s he saying… he’s asking for it.”

Olivia scoffed at her butler’s disrespectful disregard for his lord, clenching her fist and letting out a faint smile. No other butler in the world would use the word ‘underestimated’ to the master they served, except Ricardo.

Like a friend, but sometimes crude.

Like a fool, but smarter than anyone.

Olivia smiled faintly and scratched her head at Ricardo’s sarcasm, knowing so well what she liked better than any butler in this world. Back then, she had stubbornly written in her diary partly to crush Ricardo’s presumptuous pride, anyway.

“Your handwriting, Miss, always felt… magnificent. One wouldn’t think it belonged to a ten-year-old brat who spent their days chasing wild boars, not some thirty-year-old noble.”

“Hmph…”

“You were so good at it, couldn’t you have done my homework for me? Do you have any idea how mortifying it was every time I had an assignment?”

Olivia smiled, a ghost of memory playing on her lips. The fool was always pestering her to write his essays for him back at the Academy.

-Miss, just this once, couldn’t you please write this for me?

-No. It’s bothersome.

-I’ll give you chocolate.

-I can buy that with my allowance. I don’t need Ricardo’s permission anymore.

-This is servant abuse. Think of it as saving a poor soul…

-I’m not a poor soul. I don’t want to do it!

-Oh, really… The professor doesn’t even recognize my name. He yells at me every time I hand in an assignment, saying my name’s not on it.

“Fool…”

Olivia recalled Ricardo’s idiotic expression and let a languid look settle over her face. He was good at everything else, but his handwriting was truly dreadful.

“…”

But that Ricardo…

“Anyway, you were terribly mean back then.”

The fact that he’d managed to write it so it was legible kept making her bite her lip. So many traces of effort remained imprinted on the paper.

The more she read, the more a scent like springtime filled the air. Insolent enough to deserve a beating, yet sometimes that same insolence bloomed into the warmth of spring. Ricardo’s tone, despite his atrocious handwriting, lingered clearly on the paper, whispering sweetly, almost teasingly, in her ear.

The crumpled and stained letter…

Was beautiful, like the place where flowers had bloomed and withered. Olivia inhaled deeply, savoring the springtime scent captured within the paper.

Leaning against the paper, maybe holding a cold winter inside.

From noble mtl dot com

“…”

It’s all going to be alright.

Just a happening, sprung from a flighty butler not throwing away the letters.

So…

“It’ll be alright.”

Olivia comforted her own frightened eyes, believing a tale full of springtime was held within.

[The weather’s been quite hot, hasn’t it…]

“…”

[It rains often too, and the humidity makes one sweat frequently…]

Like someone circling around what they want to say, the periods, dotting the sentences so many times, made her heart ache for nothing.

Nothing was written yet, but Ricardo’s letter, already assuming such weight, felt sadly distant.

[I read the journal well.]

“…”

[From when you were little, all the way up until now…. I read every single word.]

[Funny and cute, it was. So this is how you played then…. I took you to all sorts of places, didn’t I.]

After writing down those memories, words laced with a stifled feeling followed. Words he would never normally say.

[Frankly, I didn’t want to read the diary entries you wrote after becoming an adult.]

Ricardo began to slowly unravel. Ricardo, who never, even in jest, said he was having a hard time.

“…”

Olivia bowed her head, reading the tale stained with Ricardo’s dishonesty.

[I was scared.]

[Afraid of what inner thoughts might be held within that box. What if Milady truly hated me, I wondered.]

“…”

[I didn’t want to shatter the resolve I’d barely managed to gather.]

Ricardo’s handwriting was trembling.

Whether it was from surging emotions, or a lapse in focus, the reason escaped her. But as the letter’s content drifted toward the Academy, the pen’s tip shook more and more.

[Milady doesn’t know, but at the Academy, I was always believing in Milady.]

[Even when they whispered curses behind my back… I knew your heart was warm. No matter what you did, I figured you had a reason to hate me.]

[Maybe… I even wished for it.]

Listing his faith, given without return, Ricardo began to string together words of warmth. Words for a person unworthy of hearing them.

[When I heard the words ‘slum rat b*stard,’ I looked in the mirror, wondering if I still couldn’t shed that image.]

[When I saw the lunchbox untouched, I even traveled far to buy the meat Milady liked.]

-Clench…

[Because that’s my job.]

-…

[Not as repayment for your grace… but-]

“Why…”

[Because I like you, Milady.]

“Why are you such an idiot…”

Reading that damn fool letter just made me feel like an even bigger fool. My lips were flapping, spitting out stupid words, and my face was all twisted, trying to choke back the tears. I saw it all in the mirror.

Endlessly clutching at Gomtangie’s fur, all I could do was read Ricardo’s letter without fighting back. It was the only game I had right now, maybe even a kind of penance for wrongs that time was supposed to have erased.

[Ah, you said you saw me secretly crying, but I wasn’t crying, I was just yawning.]

“…”

[…No, that’s a lie.]

[Honestly, you were too much back then, Miss. I brought you chocolate, and you just stomped it into the floor… You have no idea how shocked I was. I was thinking, ‘Oh no, even chocolate won’t work now.’ I was so scared.]

-Miss. I brought chocolate. For you and your friends…

-I said NO!!!

-…

-Don’t bring me this crap chocolate anymore, it’s embarrassing. It’s humiliating… Do you even know what my friends say? They tell me to get rid of the stinky thing. When am I gonna throw you away… They said there are tons of decent butlers out there, so why are they using a guy like you…!!

-I… I’m sorry.

-What am I supposed to hear if I give them this chocolate to share. I’m trying to make friends… What makes you think you can keep interfering?

“…”

-Don’t act like we’re friends, you beggar from the slums, just because you got lucky and know me.

-…

-I’m an aristocrat, and you’re just a lucky street rat who got picked up.

-…Something urgent came up, so I’ll head out first.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip, picturing Ricardo picking up the chocolate he had trampled into the ground.

She had left behind a wound that couldn’t be forgotten. All she could do now was bring back memories from the past and surrender herself to them.

“…”

That was the last.

No, it was the only atonement he, powerless to do anything else, could offer. The cripple who couldn’t walk was a powerless noble lady, after all.

But.

Ricardo started turning the arrows of blame with strange words.

[Rather…]

[Perhaps it would have been better if I hadn’t gone to the Academy. Maybe that way, I could have remained a better memory for you, Miss.]

[I didn’t want to become a shameful person, but it seems my very existence has caused trouble.]

Winter approaches.

[I should have stolen a peek at the diary sooner.]

A winter that felt better off unarriving was contained in the letter, blowing a cold wind.

[If I had, wouldn’t something have changed, even a little…? Wouldn’t you have remained untouched, Miss? No, perhaps I could have prevented it….]

The wind that made me, more pathetic than anyone, feel gigantic, that wind, I mean.

[I regret it.]