The Villainess Whom I Had Served for 13 Years Has Fallen - Chapter 415



415 – Old Diary -4-

[I regret it.]

The short, clipped phrase created a small ripple in Olivia’s heart.

“Why…”

Why are you turning all the blame on yourself?

All the wrongdoings were committed by me.

The ‘me’ that Ricardo thought of wasn’t kind, nor clever, and I couldn’t understand why he wrapped me in warm words.

If it were me, I would have written curses in a letter, at least.

“Aren’t you a fool…”

I hadn’t listened to Ricardo’s words.

To any words at all.

Even if he kindly, not just correctly, but recited the answer to me, I would close one ear and focus on my own world.

-My lady… Let’s stop now.

-It’s all your fault! If you hadn’t gotten in the way, I would be… by now…

Even when I lost my legs because of dark magic, I lived denying Ricardo’s existence, lost in my own world.

-It’s all your fault…

Because that was more comfortable.

Because that’s how my heart felt better.

I wanted to ignore the fact that the result of an abandoned choice had led to the fault of an ugly brat who could only whine, so I sent the direction of blame to the wrong place.

Actually, I knew everything, even then…

-It’s not that they’re looking at you strangely, my lady… it’s that we should stop here. Before we hurt each other even more… Let’s leave it as a good memory, that’s what I’m saying.

-Shut up…! What do you know to say that…

-Please!!

-Don’t shout. Be quiet if you don’t want to be kicked out.

-Please, my lady…

It was because it was Ricardo that he put up with it.

It was because it was Ricardo, and no one else, that he accepted my unreasonable demands, but I didn’t even know that, and I ended up forcing bitter pain onto Ricardo.

Knowing it would hurt.

Knowing I would lose everything.

The things I saw within those readings.

The things that shouldn’t have been within those readings. The things that had to end in bitter death.

I.

-Haha!! Just trust me.

I pushed it all onto that fool who could only offer a laugh.

The words ‘I’m sorry.’

The regret of ‘I won’t do it again.’

The promise of ‘I’ll change.’

I thought I comforted his pain with so many words, but maybe that fool wasn’t even concerned with my mistakes in the first place, and that truth stung Olivia’s heart.

The letter continued.

Not a rebuke of his own wrongdoings, but rather,

a string of words chastising his own incompetence.

[I thought I did my best, but it seems I was sorely lacking.]

“Don’t say things like that…”

[If only I had stopped them more forcefully…]

“What did you do wrong?”

[No, if I hadn’t done anything at the Academy in the first place, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.]

“No, if it wasn’t for you… I wouldn’t be in this world.”

Like a fool, I argued with the letter, as if having a conversation. At Ricardo’s words, I spat out denials. Words I could have said sooner, but didn’t, I spoke them now, alone and forlorn in a room with no ears.

If Ricardo were here, I would have wept.

*

Two years prior.

The second day since Olivia collapsed.

“…”

Amidst the chaotic mansion, my eyes hollow, I bit my lip raw.

-Search everything!!

-Rummage through all documents related to black magic!! If anything seems suspicious, box it up!!

-Investigate Lady Olivia’s room first, then move onto the Desmond estate.

It’s a mess.

Everything I tried so desperately to protect.

Crumbled in a single instant.

-CRASH!!!

Like a frame holding happy memories shattered on the floor, my broken heart refused to mend easily.

The question of ‘why’ didn’t even surface.

Because I knew, from the very beginning, it would end like this.

Perhaps I had foreseen it the moment I took the young lady’s hand.

“…Haa.”

I swore I wouldn’t.

I swore I wouldn’t build a future mirroring that novel, but alas, the heart aches all the same at the things that unfolded just as they did.

Still, I protected the Young Lady. I endured without breaking, but…

-Photos. Notes. Books. Gather everything suspect! Execute!

Guess this heartache just can’t be helped.

-CRASH…! CRUNCH…!

Imperial soldiers stormed the manor, smashing everything in their path. Photos too. Bookshelves. Even memories…

‘…’

Memories shared with the Young Lady, they weren’t anything nourishing to them, anyway. Seems these bureaucrats don’t know the first thing about consideration. Cold-hearted, that’s what they were.

A ‘thwack’ rang in my ears, startling me, and my body lurched. My gaze locked with that of an Imperial soldier, a look of open hostility in his eyes.

“…”

In his hand, he held a familiar photograph.

A laughing child and a red-haired boy caught in a headlock.

-SQUEEZE…

The soldier I’d bumped into glared, his voice thick with irritation. How dare an Imperial criminal collide with a sacred soldier of the Empire?

“Get out of the way.”

I unclenched my fists, which had reflexively tightened, and squeezed my eyes shut. Losing my temper wouldn’t solve anything. I had no choice but to endure.

‘Don’t make this worse.’

‘Hold on.’

‘You have to hold on.’

Suppressing the rage bubbling up from the pit of my stomach, I spoke to him in a choked voice.

“Protect my memories, please.”

“Couldn’t you return it…?”

“…Huh?”

“That photograph… couldn’t you return it to me? It’s a truly precious photograph to me.”

What little pride remained. No, because pride was something I could just as easily do without, I politely requested to exchange pride for a single photograph.

“I implore you.”

“…You”

“It’s a photograph filled with precious memories. It’s the first photograph I ever took with the young lady, when I was living in the slums.”

“It is the imperial command.”

“The photograph is innocent, is it not.”

“If you interfere further, I will arrest you.”

“…”

-Grip tight.

“…Haven’t you taken enough materials that could be a weakness of the family?”

“How dare you…!”

The knight, about to say something to the insolent criminal’s question, stopped short, seeing the red blood falling to the floor.

-Thud…

It was too much to be called spitting up blood.

“You…”

I blocked the blood flowing from my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut, and made my request once more.

“A favor, I beg you.”

·

·

·

Time having passed, I quietly entered the chaotic room and checked on the sleeping princess’s complexion.

“It must have been terribly noisy.”

The princess, a heavy sleeper, was sensitive to noise, after all.

“I asked them to be quiet, but, haha… they are rather… eccentric guests.”

The princess, a heavy sleeper, forgave the previous night’s commotion generously, saying nothing at all.

“…”

I almost wished for a reproach.

Taking the princess’s hand, I pressed my forehead to it and murmured softly. Apologizing for showing such a weak face.

“…Haa.”

I don’t know what will become of us.

Whether I can manage well from now on.

The young lady might even end up in prison.

It wasn’t in the novel, so I was terrified.

Just one line.

If only there was just one line that mentioned what happened when I was the young lady’s butler…. But unhappily, there wasn’t. And so, it was even more frightening, even more terrifying.

The most terrifying thing of all.

“It hurts…”

From noble mtl dot com

The fear was that Madam wouldn’t wake from her sleep.

Even if it hurt… Even if the things that came after she opened her eyes were hellishly difficult for me… I just wished, prayed, she’d open her eyes. Because then, maybe, I could breathe again.

“…”

Carefully, I brushed the hair away from Madam’s sleeping face, adjusting her pillow with a grimace threatening to surface.

-Get rid of the Princess.

-That’s impossible.

-We need to search under the bed. And inside the blankets, of course…

-…Investigator!

So much had happened, I worried Madam might have overheard things she shouldn’t. I didn’t want her to hear bad things, not even whispers.

If Madam was thinking of waking up late…

“Ricardo… I hurt…”

I hoped this hell would end before she opened her eyes.

“It will be alright.”

Gazing at the deeply sleeping Madam, I carefully started writing a letter. Just in case I had to leave my post, I didn’t want Madam to be alarmed.

Just in case I couldn’t overcome the aftereffects of the black magic and couldn’t stay here. I filled the letter with a bitter smile.

I didn’t want to write bad things.

I only wanted to pack good stories tightly inside, enough to bring a smile to Madam’s lips.

[Greetings, Madam.]

With an arm that felt heavy, I cautiously began to write.

·

·

·

[You’re in a lot of pain, aren’t you.]

[You must have been terribly shocked, and I imagine quite flustered by the mess in the room. I was also… rather unsettled, myself.]

“…”

[I considered running away, but seeing your face, the way you were hurting… I couldn’t lift my head. Why did I hurt you so? I wished I could take the pain for you, I was so sorry.]

“…”

[If you’d asked me to take it instead….]

[No. I don’t think my heart would allow it. Even *I* have a shred of conscience. No, and you wouldn’t understand this, but… I don’t take kindly to having things taken from me.]

[I can’t imagine what expression you’re wearing, my lady.]

[You might resent me, you might even refuse to look at me ever again.]

[Even so, my lady.]

[I will be by your side.]

[If you are reading this letter now….]

[Perhaps the wrath of Darbab has subsided and we have forged a good relationship, or… perhaps you, missing those memories, have come looking for me.]

[If you opened this letter longing for those memories…. That would be its own kind of heartbreak, I think.]

[I hope it’s the former. If it’s the latter, I’d worry you’re crying. Seeing the tears of a beauty is not my preference.]

[Every moment was good. Every moment spent together. Every moment spent smiling, gazing at each other… even when we were being silly fools, hunting Orcs for sport. It was all good.]

-Drip…

[If… if I were to journey far, to a place truly beyond your reach.]

[If that were to be…]

[If I couldn’t conquer this sickness, and faded into a memory…]

-Thud, thud.

[I wish to remain as a kind star for you, milady.]

[Please, forget me.]

“Why this…”

[Me… no, your butler.]

I wiped away the streaming tears, offering my final farewell.

[Then I believe I can depart with a joyful heart.]

-Your one and only…

No.

-Olivia’s eternal butler.