Transformation or Death - Transformation or Death chapter 282

282 – Life and Death (11)

Haru Otonashi’s awakening as a magical girl was not much different from others.

Attack of monsters.

What made her different from others was that instead of struggling to survive the attack, she closed her eyes and sat in front of the monster as if detached.

The appearance of accepting death without dwelling on it.

With that, Haru became a magical girl.

Haru himself was embarrassed.

She also knew that magical girls were meant to convey dreams and hopes. She did not expect others to achieve their dreams and hopes on her own.

That was actually the case.

His ability to handle corpses and his words and actions as if several screws were missing were enough to leave people with a bad impression.

But I didn’t mind. It’s been a long time since he gave up the expectations he had for himself. It didn’t matter if others were disappointed or didn’t have expectations.

It was lonely at times, but it was okay. Because friends have internet friends!

Of course, most of them ended up being blocked after struggling.

She knows too. She says she is a person who is prone to being hated.

Words don’t work, and emotions don’t even work. When I spoke, the other person felt uncomfortable and I was treated like an incomprehensible weirdo.

-‘I can’t help it. ‘Because it’s one day.’

People were reluctant to talk to her and eventually gave up on hanging out with her.

One thing they don’t know is that Haru has no parents. The other thing was that I got hurt every single day.

A child abandoned by his parents. Low self-esteem and trauma resulting from it. That temperament was the same for Haru.

The experience of being rejected by others hit her particularly hard. For a child who was abandoned because she was not needed and rejected by others, it in itself touched a deep part of her heart that was hidden deep inside her. All in all, she was extremely unpleasant.

If I’m going to be rejected, shouldn’t I just reject it myself first?

All you have to do is stop hanging out and just be alone. If you don’t create a cause for hurt in the first place, there will be no need to get hurt.

That thought was broken by Gray’s words.

You are an ordinary person and one day you will meet someone who will not leave you, and I am one of them.

Haru believed those words and did not stop hanging out with others.

-‘Abandon your parents…? ‘Are you out of your mind?’

-‘Oh, no, I mean, this is reasonable….’

-‘Worthy? That’s what you do to your parents… Ha, get out of here. I don’t need your help! ‘I’ll finish it all by myself!’

Even though she was ultimately abandoned by Gray, her rejection does not mean that everything she has left is denied.

Even after Gray died, his teachings and support were still alive and well in his heart.

Haru did not stop expecting things from people.

As much as I wanted to be loved by people, I never stopped loving them.

In addition, Tido, who grew up without parents, did not hide the geeky, idiot-like way of speaking he acquired while living exclusively on the Internet.

Anytime, anywhere, you can proudly be an orphan! Even if you hear that you don’t have parents, it’s true, so don’t worry! He maintained his sensibilities with conviction and cleanliness!

Even though I have been betrayed countless times, I believe that there will be a day when my expectations will be repaid.

And that day has arrived.

“ruler! Let’s move on! For love and peace! “For justice and dreams!”

“For someone to say this while dragging a corpse, it’s full of hope.”

“That’s a good thing!”

“That’s a good thing.”

One day, I looked at Han Jaejoong next to me and smiled.

He was the reward.

Han Jaejoong was a very special and unique person.

The first time I became interested was when I heard rumors about Yun Seol-hwa’s ex-boyfriend. Until then, he thought he was a bad person. Even though he was interesting, he was one of the many things to hate on the internet.

However, after clearing up the misunderstandings and getting to know him as a person, my perception of him as simply a bad person changed. He was a good person. Even if he acted according to his beliefs, he would only laugh bitterly or be embarrassed, but he never refused.

Coincidentally or intentionally, I started seeing Jaejoong Han after that first meeting.

As neighbors, friends, enemies, roommates, masters and servants… he and she were together in numerous relationships.

A variety of emotions sprouted from those numerous relationships. There were too many complexities involved to call it simple love.

Jealousy, admiration, obsession, reward, irritation, vicarious satisfaction, paternal love, brotherly love, loyalty, maybe even rational love.

Anyway, there was a lot.

For Haru, defining those complex emotions was extremely difficult. Just as it was difficult to infer other people’s emotions, it was also difficult to infer one’s own emotions.

So, I decided not to define it.

As water flows and spring comes, flowers bloom and flesh decays, just in its natural state. I left it to the flow.

But if there was one thing that was clear, it was that she wanted him not to abandon her.

Is that why?

-‘You must not make me sad.’

In the past, when Jaejoong Han was hospitalized due to an attack by contradictions, Haru made him a one-sided promise.

Don’t be sad, don’t disappear without a word, don’t leave.

Half intimidated and half sincere, he accepted the promise.

But in reality, it was Haru who was kidnapped and disappeared without a word.

-‘Ah… yabaidesne (it’s dangerous).’

In the beginning, when he was kidnapped, Haru didn’t show it on the outside, but his insides were rotting and rotting.

Even though I had asked him not to leave, I didn’t think that would be followed. One day, I thought that my value was not that high. He is a person who does not need to be saved and kept.

That’s right, because he’s an orphan.

Because he is a person who grew up without an education, who is useless, a nuisance, incommunicado, and frustrating.

Fortunately, there were many similar orphans here, and they were just useless, inconvenient, incompetent, and frustrating servants.

The anxiety was resolved by praising Han Jae-joong and picking on orphaned babies.

But still, my anxiety did not completely go away.

Even my parents abandon me, so why can’t I abandon them?

It was Silver Luna who broke that thought.

-‘I’m glad you’re alive. Although he was a bit brainwashed.’

I was even more surprised because she said this from someone who usually hates Haru so much.

-‘Have you developed mental illness? Or even a personality swap?’

-‘Excuse me! Do you think I’m doing this because of you?’

-‘Then what is it for?’

-‘Really… why do you have such a woman as your benefactor…’

Eun-in. That was Mitsuki’s title for Han Jaejoong. One day, after hearing that, I realized who was worried about me.

-‘It’s because your benefactor will be sad if you get hurt! If you’re mistaken, you’re in trouble!’

The one he chose is looking for him. The news made Haru’s heart beat faster.

I am loved.

It was the moment when the one-sided, burdensome, and slightly rough love that had always been bestowed upon others returned for the first time.

It wasn’t just this that made me realize his love.

A lot of things that had happened up until now had accumulated and today became an opportunity.

Just as a full glass of water overflows with a single drop, the pieces of love and kindness I have received over the years came together and became a certainty today.

In Han Jaejoong’s kindness, there is kindness, not politeness. It may not be huge. It may be a very small piece compared to what others receive. It doesn’t matter.

I can be loved just as I am.

That fact was important.

At that moment, Haru was no longer an orphan who grew up without an education, useless, a nuisance, incommunicado, and frustrating.

I became someone who could be loved by someone, someone who was unique but still had something ordinary about me.

The moment she learned that, self-love sprouted in Haru.

She, who had given one-sided love countless times, succeeded in loving the only person she could not love.

The heart-shaped pendant symbolized oneself affirmed by others.

The self that I was able to love with love.

“Bloody mace in the name of the stars!”

One day he swung his flute and broke Orpheus’ head.

“What kind of misdeeds can you do with a sacred instrument…!”

From noble mtl dot net

“Fuck you!”

They fight until their white clothes become soaked with blood and turn red. One day, that was my fighting creed.

It was because of that creed that he himself took the lead while commanding the corpses.

There is only one reason why I hate monsters so much.

“These b*stards who should have been caught a long time ago have long tongues!”

Because they deserve to die.

A storm-like light burst out from White Davih, coloring the surrounding area as white as ash. In those ash-like light clusters, there was a terrible melody that seemed to twist the brain.

The heart-shaped pendant shone brightly. Orpheus, touched by the melodious light, screamed and gradually turned into ashes.

“A death insulted by a dead man like you!”

The Watcher watched the scene in amazement.

‘The dead are going to the underworld again… Is that the divinity of the day?’

Life and death. Why did Haru have the ability to handle that crossroads?

The reason lies in her uniqueness.

For Haru, who had different standards of value than others, life and death had the same weight.

Whether those whose lives were brilliant or those whose lives were ugly, the ending is the same. The most equal thing in this world would be the fact that there is an end.

But that is limited to individuals. Looking at it more broadly, someone’s death may be heavier than someone else’s life.

The weight is determined by things that have been done so far, things that are being done now, and the personality of the person now.

One day, you can look at it all objectively.

No matter how much you love someone or want to be close to them, the standard of judgment is not blurred. Instinctively realize and calculate the value of people.

If the person you love is a wicked person and the person you love is in danger of death, you will not bother to save Haru.

Because that would be the ending he deserves.

We understand the value of life, but we do not know the dignity of life. I know love, but I don’t misjudge my judgment based on friendship.

Haru’s strength as a magical girl is fairness.

A belief that does not waver in the face of anyone. That talent was a precious thing that was hard to find even among the most outstanding magical girls.

The reason why I have not been able to awaken my divinity until now is because I did not understand my own value.

Now that I am able to love myself and make a proper evaluation, Haru has been given the qualifications to be a judge who can properly judge all life.

She can see the lifespan of those who remain. She can see the cause of death, and she can see karma.

Literally, perfectly aware of the rules of death in this world.

In her eyes, the dead are beings who have escaped their lifespan, have escaped their death, and have accumulated countless karma.

Beings that should exist in the afterlife.

“I know death. You shouldn’t be here.”

How do the dead stay in this world?

How can monsters even insult others?

Nautius shook his flute, remembering the monster who killed Gray.

It was insulting. Why does the monster she sacrificed her life to defeat reappear and torment her humans?

It was an insult to Gray, and a disdain for the days that remained after her death.

A disgrace to countless lives.

How can people who deserve to die shamelessly raise their heads in this world even after death?

“Please go back.”

So, go back.

One day’s words became one huge symphony and reached Orpheus’s ears. Before she knew it, what was in her hand was not a flute but a baton, and her ghosts gathered behind her and played one song like an orchestra.

Soon, it was death.

The dead died again according to the rules of death and became ghosts rather than ghosts.

With the completion of the song, Orpheus turned into ashes and returned. At the same time, he became a member of Haru’s orchestra, which made the songs richer.

Baek A-hee and Han Jae-joong looked at the scene blankly.

“Leave these orphaned babies to me. You two just have to catch the stronger guy!”

Neither you nor I are orphans. Those words were swallowed by both Baek Ah-hee and Han Jae-joong.

When one o’clock was urgent, they accepted Haru’s proposal without much objection.

“Good luck!”

One day, I waved my hand and saw Red Vega leave.

“My Jiknyeo! and….”

Of course, Watcher too.

“My shujin (master)!”

The title meant not only the owner but also the husband.

No one knew whether it was an intentional expression or just a coincidence.

**

Jason’s eyes wavered.

“W-what! Why like this! Why are my comrades like this….”

“comrades?”

Amundsen approached him, laughing at his remark.

“I guess so!”

Sigh! His hand grabbed Jason’s neck.

“I finally got it, damn comrade you b*stard!”

Amundsen’s bright eyes glared at Jason.

“I’ll show you what a true comrade should do!”