You Are Defended - Chapter 512



Only Noblemtl

Episode 512

“I won’t ask whether my guess was right or wrong. To be honest, I hope it wasn’t. If you’ve experienced death once, I can’t even imagine how rotten and torn your insides would be… … I introduced you to a psychiatrist who I consider to be a great expert, but I don’t think he’s ever treated someone who has actually died. How… … How do you live with that? It breaks my heart to think about it.”

Kang Min-jae still had his gaze down.

It seemed to me that it was not because I was insecure about what I was saying, but because I was insecure about seeing the bare face beneath my mask, which had become haggard after suffering death.

“… … It must have been hard for you to hide it and live with it, and I can understand why you want to hide it, so I don’t want to dig into it forcibly. But the reason I’m telling you this is because I want to confirm that I didn’t exist in the world you originally lived in. I think that will help you understand you a little bit.”

Kang Min-jae bit his lip as his fingertips touched each other.

It seemed like he was hesitating about how to bring up the subject.

I was silent during the time he was silent.

To the person who says he doesn’t want an answer from me, there is a way to comfort him by telling him that he is right.

But the moment that’s true, Kang Min-jae will have a hard time treating me like before.

It would not be strange if he felt a strange sense of duty to protect me from psychological trauma, since I would become a pitiful being to him.

Of course, he’ll think he’s right even if I don’t answer, but there’s a big difference between getting an answer and guessing.

“If it’s true that you came to this universe right before you left the prosecution office as I guessed… … As I said earlier, you must have tried to prevent the trial and error you experienced in that universe from happening again. Anyone other than you, no, to be exact, everyone would do that, and even you, as a lawyer, wouldn’t have been able to resist that temptation. I don’t know exactly what cases you’ve touched for that purpose. However, you’re the one who stopped the release of Anthrozole Alpha.”

“so?”

“Just look at the Anthrozole Alpha incident. Because of that, Myunghwa Pharmaceutical was delisted, and Lee Jung-chan suffered greatly. Wooshin was unable to acquire Geumsan Card because of that. It caused a lot of repercussions like this. Then, because of the various incidents you handled, at some point, things that never happened in that universe started happening to you.”

It is an extremely logical and also accurate prediction.

While he was jokingly asking me, “Are you an alien?”, I could tell how much he had been thinking hard about it.

“Even Wooshin must have felt a great blow from the lawyer, so he must have perceived the lawyer as a bigger threat than he did in that universe, and the lawyer must have started to encounter huge difficulties one after another. So… … From that point on, the lawyer could no longer respond to situations with the future information he already knew, and had no choice but to face them as he did in that universe. So I think he had no choice but to become obsessed with preparing more. But in the midst of all that, this accident happened to me.”

Kang Min-jae drank the water placed next to him for a moment to moisten his throat.

“I’ve made this long story short because I wanted to talk about this. You, as well as me, and even my grandfather… … . I think you’re blaming yourself to an extent that’s a bit excessive for general purposes. Of course, I wasn’t in my right mind when my grandfather was around, so I didn’t know at the time because I couldn’t have guessed your state.”

I thought you didn’t let anyone know that you felt guilty about Kang Gwan-woong’s death.

I thought about what could be causing my seizures, and at the time, I guessed that it might be something I was trying to hide thoroughly, but then it burst out and led to the seizures.

But after listening to Kang Min-jae, it seems like he didn’t hide it that well.

“Of course, at first I thought it was just an extension of the general obsession with having to prepare for all possible misfortunes, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that wasn’t the case. Because, you know, the lawyer, at first, the current team member… … . I’m saying team member for convenience, but do you know who I’m talking about?”

“know.”

“When I think back to the process of how this team came together, the lawyer tried really hard to not include me. And the lawyer didn’t even know who my grandfather was. In fact, most people who knew him knew. So I thought that my presence in that universe was quite minimal to the lawyer. I heard from senior Lee Ye-jin that the lawyer had forgotten that I was a probationary student.”

“… … I didn’t know that senior would say that. That’s true.”

To make a little excuse, it’s not because Kang Min-jae was a worthless person.

It was over ten years ago, from what I remember, that he was my mentor.

And the probation period is only one month.

Above all, I have received many poems during this time.

So, if we didn’t encounter anything after that, I can’t remember it.

Since I didn’t show up in private organizations like alumni associations, I couldn’t meet him in private either.

“Anyway, since you managed to recall that I was a probation officer, I guess I existed in that universe too. I don’t know what kind of person I am in that universe, but if I was the same person as you… … . Well, if you had stayed at the prosecution, I don’t think we would have had any contact. When I heard that you had set up an office and left, I thought it was time to rush over, but if you had stayed at the prosecution, I wouldn’t have been able to barge in. Even if I were at the prosecution, I couldn’t go to the same department as you, and if I were transferred, we would be completely separated, so I didn’t know when we would meet, so I gave up. Of course, I would have tried to meet you in private, but since you don’t come out to private events very often… … . You would have just enjoyed yourself alone, watching your trials when you had time to yourself. Oh, I think I would have talked to you after your trial ended and been ignored. Or I would have been asked, ‘Who were you?’”

Kang Minjae scratched his cheek.

I too am curious about how Kang Min-jae lived in his past life, but I had no one to ask, so I could only guess.

Kang Min-jae also seemed to have similar thoughts to me.

“Anyway… … So, from your perspective, I was just a guy who would have just been hanging out at Taekwang and living a carefree life, but because I suddenly met you, I lost my grandfather and got into an accident. Oh, I thought maybe my grandfather didn’t pass away in that universe, because if he did, I think rumors would have spread that I was his grandson. If it’s true that he passed away, I apologize.”

It’s not that Kang Gwan-woong didn’t die in his previous life.

But this life wasn’t like that.

He lived a long life, and although his family may not have been able to call it a funeral, everyone said that it was a funeral.

So Kang Min-jae was not the protagonist of a tragedy, and of course he never became famous.

Even if he had become famous without my knowledge, I would not have known about it either, since I would not have had the luxury of taking an interest in a former president who had died a long life and with whom I had no personal connection.

“When I thought about all that, I expected that the lawyer’s thought process would have been something like, ‘Kang Min-jae suffered so many tragedies after meeting me.’ And I thought that his guilt must have been really strong after this incident.”

Kang Min-jae, who had finished speaking, finally glanced at me.

I affirmed by not answering.

But on the contrary, I hoped he wouldn’t take this positively.

I had no choice but to say yes because of my conscience that didn’t want to lie and the fact that I couldn’t refute his logic, but I wanted to say no if possible.

“But even if all this is true, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Not just me, but everyone.”

“Are you bringing this up to comfort me?”

I am speechless.

Of course, I didn’t think that Kang Min-jae brought that up because he wanted to resent me or criticize me by saying, “Why did you drag me in when I was doing well and change my life?”

But I guessed that he might have said it to relieve some curiosity he had been harboring, or to let me know his doubts and feel better.

But on the other hand, you said these words for me?

“… … Comfort? Should I say comfort? I just brought it up because I felt like you were missing something. I thought maybe you’d feel a little better if you knew what you were missing… … .”

“What am I missing?”

“You told me that back then. If I knew that my grandfather was going to die but didn’t stop it, then that would have been wrong, but what’s wrong with me since I didn’t know anything? So, you’re saying that you think it was wrong to know but not stop it.”

That’s right.

When I nodded obediently, Kang Min-jae responded as if he had been waiting for me.

“But even if you know, you can’t say it’s wrong. Because you just know, you don’t have any superpowers to prevent it from happening. You can change the thought processes of the people involved in the incident, or you can hypnotize them so they won’t even think about doing it, or something like that.”

I can’t hypnotize anyone, but I do have some super powers.

When I didn’t answer, Kang Min-jae opened his eyes wide and asked.

“… … Do you have any superpowers?”

“doesn’t exist.”

I didn’t want to lie, but I really felt like I shouldn’t say this.

This is not because of my greed, but for the sake of my relationship with Kang Min-jae.

How many people can live their lives telling only the truth at every moment?

I plan on never telling Kang Min-jae this, because he might not even want to open his mouth in front of me.

“That’s right. And if the future has changed like I said earlier, then you’ve become just like everyone else. Of course, you have a little more information than everyone else. But at least for events that didn’t happen in that universe, you’re the same. You’ve become someone who’s experiencing this for the first time, just like everyone else. You don’t have any ridiculous superpowers or super powers. But how could you prepare for that in advance? You’re a person, right? You’re not a god… right?”

Kang Min-jae asked cautiously.

If I were God, all those who contributed greatly to Ko Sang-jun and the construction of his kingdom would have long since been ruined.

Is that all?

The moment Kang Min-jae ran into the dump truck, time either stopped, or he used his super powers to throw the dump truck far away.

Above all, my mental health would not have hit rock bottom like this.

“I wish I were God.”

“That’s why. The lawyer, me, Bong Joon hyung, Jonghyun hyung, we’re all the same people. But we don’t think we have to prepare for everything like the lawyer. Of course, it would be great if we could, but we know we can’t. So if something happens because we’re not prepared, we just… … . just get frustrated once. That’s a mild frustration. We just reflect on ourselves to the extent that we have to think a little more deeply next time. But the lawyer’s frustration and reflection aren’t mild or moderate. That means that the lawyer is carrying an unreasonably large burden simply because he has accessed a lot of information in advance from that universe.”

I didn’t think I had much luggage.

But I never thought of it as a lot.

Because when we, a mere collection of a few individuals, set out to bring down the ancient and great evil known as Usin, we naturally thought that we would have to shoulder a great burden.

And even if this group thinks of me as their representative, it is only natural that I will have more burdens as their representative.

So I didn’t think this was a burden I couldn’t bear.

“Preparing for everything is impossible on a human level in the first place. That goes beyond the realm of preparation, and means controlling all possible variables. If you set an impossible goal in the first place, how can you achieve it? Suppose there is a human who sets a goal to fly in the sky with his bare body right now. That person tried his best for several years, but in the end, he couldn’t fly in the sky with his bare body. So he gets seriously frustrated because he didn’t achieve his goal. Do you think that’s natural?”

“… … .”

“Attorney, I respect you. Your predictive ability that’s almost like a prophet’s, your ability to see through all the variables, etc… … These are of course just a few of the many reasons I respect you. But when I went to your office to ask you to hire me, I didn’t even know you had that ability. I just respected you for a long time because there were so many things I respected, but the person I respected did this and that, so I respected you a little more. The first time I respected you was when I was a probationer, and that time would have been the same in your universe and in this universe. Back then, there was no such thing as future information.”

I’m not upset because I’m not respected by Kang Min-jae.

But listening to him, I felt like I understood a little bit.

The reason I projected myself into a four-season bound book was because of its specialness.

So I was unconsciously intoxicated with my special self.

Whether it was a desire for recognition or something else.

I thought that because I was special, I should be able to do a little more than others.

“Even if the lawyer can’t control all the variables, he’s still an incredible person. It’s incredible that he’s gotten this far. Of course, since the goal is to successfully conclude the special investigation, I think it’s natural to reflect on being more careful. But it should stop there.”

I felt like I’d been hit.

The reason I pushed myself to reflect was because I thought that the act of trying to make something imperfect perfect was the cornerstone of development.

That’s how I’ve lived.

It was no different in my previous life.

So even when I eventually failed and died, I thought it was because I didn’t try hard enough and didn’t make enough progress.

I regretted every careless moment of my previous life and tried not to repeat it this time.

To avoid failure, you need to understand all the variables and block them from affecting your work.

Isn’t that obvious?

But was that such a stupid idea, comparable to someone trying to fly in the sky naked?

“The moment you become greedy about controlling all variables, you will feel that success is failure. You will never be satisfied with any situation. You are the only one who demands that level of perfection from you. You are our team leader, but we do not expect that. It is not because you are not qualified to do it, but because it is the same as thinking of flying in the sky with your bare body. On the contrary, anyone who sets such an unattainable goal is disqualified as a leader. How can I entrust my future to such an idiot?”

“… … .”

“Even if there are people around us who know the future like the lawyer, and there are more of them than you think, I don’t think there are many people who can do what the lawyer can do. The lawyer already has enough overpowers. It’s too much to be greedy for superpowers. The future changed because the lawyer changed the world, and he finally faced the future just like everyone else. That’s not because the lawyer lacks ability. That’s just natural.”

And, funny enough, it was at this moment, four years after I started this life, that I finally realized how inflated my ego had been.

Everything Kang Min-jae said was correct.

I was obsessed with the idea that I was some kind of special person because I knew some information about the future.

I ran wild with greed, and as a result, I changed the future I knew.

So now the privilege of a second life has become minimal.

It’s not as special as it used to be.

But in order to maintain the specialness that is the basis of my sense of being a chosen people, I set a standard that seems ethical at first glance: that not a single person should be harmed.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for people to get hurt.

But damage is something that we always have to accept, and we should be thankful if we don’t suffer damage, but we take it for granted.

Even if the results are good, we make the mistake of considering it a failure if there are any damages.

I didn’t even think that I had a sense of being a chosen people, and I suffered from the loss of my specialness, thinking that people should feel sorry and guilty.

It was a display of greed and arrogance, wanting to achieve something huge, but at the same time not wanting to lose anything.

I didn’t get scammed by my stupid self.

I was so stupid that I thought I was being scammed.

The very idea that you could prepare for everything was arrogant in the first place.

Just because I went back in time and gained superpowers, I lived my life bragging that I could prepare for anything.

I was so insignificant in the vast flow of life, just a greedy fool struggling not to lose anything.

I was the one pouring more than seven cups of alcohol into my cup.